question for guys

[gyneco]

A girl who isn't your type (and who you might be embarrassed to be seen with by your friends) is interested in being your friend. She may have had a crush on you at one point and that's why she noticed you of all people, but she's over it by now. How would you prefer for her to approach you without it looking like she's hitting on you? Or would you rather she never talk to you at all because you're happy with all the friends you have?

(Let's say that you work at the greatest bookstore in town and she really likes this bookstore and she doesn't want to have to switch to an inferior bookstore because she made an idiot of herself in front of you. Also, you may have seen her in the bookstore several times before but she made no impression whatsoever because she never looked like she even recognized you.)

 

[Skorian]

You sound embarrassed. Well, this is the Internet and you are anonymous. You should just say specifically the situation, as it would give people a better idea of what the problem is. If anyone teases you, Steel will give them a wedgy.

It's ok to be mortifyingly shy, but by not communicating you fail to really communicate. That's the real problem with shyness.

 

[LonelyDragon]

Are you kidding? To have a girl/woman actually come up and start a conversation with me? I'd be ecstatic!

 

[gyneco]

You sound embarrassed. Well, this is the Internet and you are anonymous. You should just say specifically the situation, as it would give people a better idea of what the problem is. If anyone teases you, Steel will give them a wedgy.

Um, the situation was as stated above, with the girl in question obviously being me.

Are you kidding? To have a girl/woman actually come up and start a conversation with me? I'd be ecstatic!

Yes, BUT:
1) Remember that she looks like a cross between Ugly Betty and Cher.
2) And that she's only interested in friendship. (I'm curious because I've heard rumors about how guys dislike being the "nice guy" girls only want to be friends with.)

 

[LonelyDragon]

I'm often more comfortable with female friends than with male ones. I tend to be able to be more open with them. And if I'm not physically attracted to her then it makes the friendship easier for me rather than having other feelings complicate it. (Not that I find your comparison completely unappealing.)

 

[Skorian]

The problem is that only this guy know's what he wants and only he is he.

Seems to me like there is more your uncomfortable to say.


Say hey and ask him how he likes the job. What he does all day.

 

[bish33]

First it sounds like you are embarrassed about yourself. Don't be, no matter what you look like or feel you look like, try to have confidence in yourself. If this guy doesn't want to be your friend due to looks. You are better off without him. As for approaching him. Just say hi, simple flirting between people happens all the time. Ask about a certain book or something like that.

 

[gyneco]

The problem is that only this guy know's what he wants and only he is he.

True, but I still like to get into the mind of guys in general.

Seems to me like there is more your uncomfortable to say.

Aw shucks, you caught me. I secretly want him to propose to me, that's what. I don't think I could ever forget a dream about him once, back when my crush on him was at its peak. He asked me to get a "cup of coffee," so we went to the cafeteria right under the bookstore (which doesn't exist in real life). Then we were magically transported to the rooftop of a hospital, where we battled evil dead spirits using flashlights.

Of course, in my dream we weren't even speaking English.

 

[Scott]

Almost all guys I know (perhaps all guys I know, in fact, not that I've polled them or anything), myself very much included, would love a girl to come over to them and just start talking.

In my experience, women rarely make a first move in relationships, and by relationships I mean plutonic ones as well. It's generally left to a guy to think of something (anything) to say and put themselves out there to be shot down. I'm willing to bet that this is the number one reason most guys on this forum who would love to have a romantic relationship are lonely; fear of rejection and/ or a lack of self-confidence.

It doesn't really matter what you say. Unless you outrageously flirt with him you're not automatically going to be saying 'I want you I want you'. I don't think that he'd rather someone didn't talk to him cos he has reached a friends limit.

I know it takes a lot of confidence or courage (or be very drunk) to go out and put yourself there to be rejected by someone. If you go to the store regularly as it sounds like you do, then maybe just ask for help with something. Use that to your advantage, you get the opportunity to talk to him without having to come up with a 'first line' so to speak. Excuse me have you got a minute gets you into contact without having 'invested' or 'risked' anything. Make a joke or some more personal comment and there you got a conversation.

 

[eh?]

I, as a desperate single male, would take any approach by any female as "she likes me".
Wishful thinking.

But I would assume the average male would treat it as just friendly if you just come over to say the usual pleasantries (Hi, How are you doing? How is your Family/Friend/Dog/Etc.)

 

[SadRabbit]

hummm... well I say approach him. Since you are the store assistant, maybe you can approach him and ask him what he wants. And if he leaves, open the door for him and say bye, hope to see you again and have a nice day. That will leave some impression on him. Then maybe after that, you can start talking to him. But if you get the cold shoulder, then i recommend, just forget about him. Anyway good luck.