Question

[EveWasFramed]

Scenario:

Date a guy for three months.
Guy stops texting, calling, etc. (you don't bother asking why - it's obvious)
Three months pass.


Guy pops into your place of business asking for an appointment for an estimate (yes, he knows where you work - he's been there to see you).
Guy says, "Oh, I stopped by your place on Sunday, but you didn't answer the door (I don't answer my door on Sundays - no one comes to see me that doesnt have a key (family) and the only time someone comes to my door on Sunday is when the Jehovah Witnesses come calling, so I don't bother to answer it).
I asked why he came to my house. He said to talk about this estimate for the work that needs to be done at my house.

Really? My personal residence, on a Sunday about something that the company I work for handles?

He stayed and "chatted" about 15 minutes. Random stuff mostly...asked how Id been and how my kid was doing, that kind of thing.

Before he left, he asked if I was going to stab him in the back when he turned to leave. I said that two months ago I might have, but now, no.
I think that was as close to an apology that he is capable of.

Id like to point out that there are likely 50 HVAC companies in this area, many that are much closer to him that we are. He could have also simply CALLED the office to make an appointment.

The entire incident was truly bizarre for me. WHY could he come here when there are plenty of other places he could have called? Why stop by - why not just call for an appointment the way most people do?

Im baffled.

 

[Rosebolt]

Obviously to get in touch with you somehow. Or well, that's what i get out of it. He seems to feel sorry. Is he insecure? Maybe he wasn't sure and made his mind up later? Apologies if i'm stating the obvious.

 

[Tealeaf]

My money says he decided he wasn't into you, then thought that maybe he could booty call/get you back. Wants more options on his table.

Unless he's obviously severely socially retarded, he stopped by your home (where people go to have sex, a la "let's go back to my place") for a reason.

I'm cynical, though. Possibly he lied that he stopped by your place, as an "Oh, I've been trying to get ahold of you!" move. Because that is pretty bizarre where I come from, unless you're neighbors, close friends, or a committed couple.

 

[EveWasFramed]

No...we dated but it wasn't serious - no sex. So the booty call theory isn't likely.

---

Obviously to get in touch with you somehow. Or well, that's what i get out of it. He seems to feel sorry. Is he insecure? Maybe he wasn't sure and made his mind up later? Apologies if i'm stating the obvious.

Nah...he's not insecure at all. As for getting in touch with me, he could have simply called or sent a text, wouldn't you think?

 

[beautiful loser]

Eve, I don't think anyone can answer that one. I've had a couple of women do that to me, as well...went out a few times, then silence, days/weeks go by and then act quite vague the next time they were in my presence as if nothing happened. I think he might have realized he crapped on you and couldn't think of any other way to show he might have been sorry??

 

[EveWasFramed]

Eve, I don't think anyone can answer that one. I've had a couple of women do that to me, as well...went out a few times, then silence, days/weeks go by and then act quite vague the next time they were in my presence as if nothing happened. I think he might have realized he crapped on you and couldn't think of any other way to show he might have been sorry??

A possibility I suppose, but it wasn't just a few dates - it was two or three times a week for three months.
And it seems a text or a call would have been much more simple than setting up an appointment at the company I WORK for, don't you think?
Just still seems...off to me.

 

[Rosebolt]

I would personally prefer a face to face meeting. That's the only response/solution/idea i am coming up with right now.

 

[ucxb]

He wanted to see you!! He for some reason chose not to simply state that, so he used work related purposes for his reason, I think, with the little knowledge I do have.

---

*edit negative thought*

 

[ladyforsaken]

He could also probably feel shitty from doing what he did, and maybe he is trying to make an extra effort to see you in person rather than just a call or a text which may not be convincing of what he is trying to prove here... which is something, I don't know, apology? Making amends? Wanting to reconnect and show that he's serious about it?

Or, maybe you can just ask him directly and see what he says?

 

[ringwood]

I echo what Beautiful Loser said - I think he was feeling guilty about his actions, probably figured shpwing up in person to 'chat' was better than a phone call, and then offered some lame 'apology' on the way out the door. I wouldn't waste too much energy on trying to figure out why...sounds like a bonehead to me.

 

[SofiasMami]

Did he really knock at your door on Sunday or was that a fib?

Having been on the dating scene for a few years, there is only one default answer for this type of scenario that I have found almost always turns out to be correct. That time period that he dropped off the radar and you never heard from him? He was pursuing other options. Perhaps that option ended Saturday. Now be wants to flatter himself and see who is still out there. But of course you've moved on, right?

I have a fellow that I've seen off and on over the past 2 years. It's been platonic and not-serious as he's said he's seen other women. I don't text or call him. But every so often he'll text out of the blue to say "I think you're really nice". Happened again last week. Not sure why he does that but it doesn't really matter.
I did ask if he is lonely and he said yes - maybe I should refer him here?

-Teresa

 

[Peaches]

Eve, I refer you to the chapter "If he doesn't ask you out, he is just not that into you" from the homonymous book

http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/life/books/excerpts/2004-09-08-hes-just_x.htm

can you imagine the love of your life behaving like that? The guy you will marry or the one who will hold you first in his heart? Because you deserve that, and nothing less.

And he doesn't even come with flowers, or a story about how his whole family died in a freak accident, or how he was in a coma for two months and he couldn't call?

What you describe is a loser, and not beautiful at all (don't mean to offend BeautifulLoser )- sorry you had to waste time with him.

My impression is that he had some free time or something and wanted to see if he could string you along some more. You are a special lady, and if he wants to see you he has to come up with better than that.

oh, sorry, this is rather a situation from the following chapter: "HIJNTIY if he is not calling you" I can send you the whole ebook if you d like.

 

[SofiasMami]

Eve, I refer you to the chapter "If he doesn't ask you out, he is just not that into you" from the homonymous book

http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/life/books/excerpts/2004-09-08-hes-just_x.htm

can you imagine the love of your life behaving like that? The guy you will marry or the one who will hold you first in his heart? Because you deserve that, and nothing less.

And he doesn't even come with flowers, or a story about how his whole family died in a freak accident, or how he was in a coma for two months and he couldn't call

...or with his hands completely in casts since his fingers are all broken and that's why he couldn't call.
I love that book, it's saved me so much time and energy!

-Teresa

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^Or maybe he didn't call because he really was a bit insecure, or was busy. Or any number of legitimate reasons.

This crap about IF A MAN IS INTO YOU HE WILL PURSUE YOU INTO ETERNITY YAAARRRGHHHH OTHERWISE HE IS NOT INTO YOU!!!!111111

...is just a bunch of bull.

I feel like taking that stance encourages women to sit idly by and wait to be pursued rather than taking an active role in finding their mate. Maybe the guy was feeling depressed and didn't feel like human contact. Maybe he was focused on business concerns and didn't really have time to spend on personal matters. See, there are any number of completely legitimate reasons that a guy might stop seeing/calling someone, so to paint the picture that he must not have been into you is just silly.

Maybe he was into you, but he had other concerns that took priority in his life. That doesn't mean he's not into you. It means he's just not acting on it.

And don't even start saying that if someone likes someone else, they are necessarily and always going to act on it.

For whatever reason, he obviously felt like checking up on you again. I can't begin to guess why, but... instead of agonizing over it, have you considered just asking him? You mentioned that you feel like he might've been apologizing in some way, or that maybe you sensed that's what he was doing.

Contact him (if you can) and ask him why he stopped calling/seeing you. Ask him why he came in to see you.

*shrug*

 

[SofiasMami]

^^^Or maybe he didn't call because he really was a bit insecure, or was busy. Or any number of legitimate reasons.

This crap about IF A MAN IS INTO YOU HE WILL PURSUE YOU INTO ETERNITY YAAARRRGHHHH OTHERWISE HE IS NOT INTO YOU!!!!111111

...is just a bunch of bull.

I feel like taking that stance encourages women to sit idly by and wait to be pursued rather than taking an active role in finding their mate. Maybe the guy was feeling depressed and didn't feel like human contact. Maybe he was focused on business concerns and didn't really have time to spend on personal matters. See, there are any number of completely legitimate reasons that a guy might stop seeing/calling someone, so to paint the picture that he must not have been into you is just silly.

Maybe he was into you, but he had other concerns that took priority in his life. That doesn't mean he's not into you. It means he's just not acting on it.

And don't even start saying that if someone likes someone else, they are necessarily and always going to act on it.

For whatever reason, he obviously felt like checking up on you again. I can't begin to guess why, but... instead of agonizing over it, have you considered just asking him? You mentioned that you feel like he might've been apologizing in some way, or that maybe you sensed that's what he was doing.

Contact him (if you can) and ask him why he stopped calling/seeing you. Ask him why he came in to see you.

*shrug*

Usually you're the voice of reason, BJD, but not here! :club:

The only thing a flaky guy like that can do is distract and keep our Eve from meeting a guy who will love and respect her.
I don't make excuses for men's whims and bad behavior anymore, I just move on with my life. When I started doing that, I became a much happier person and feel like I'm at last in the driver's seat.

-Teresa

 

[Sci-Fi]

Maybe he started dating someone else, that fell through so he went to see you at work (since you don't answer your door on Sunday which lol on your reason why I like that, and is more neutral) to see how you'd react to seeing him because maybe he figured he'd get back with you. Just a random theory.

 

[Badjedidude]

Usually you're the voice of reason, BJD, but not here!

I was mostly responding to that crap article.

Really the only portion of my post that applied to Eve specifically was my advice for her to simply call and ask the guy some questions. She doesn't have to be interested in him or pursue him, all I said was that if she's curious about what happened, she could simply ask and have a conversation. I never once implied that she should chase the guy or try to win him back or anything of the sort.

Talking to a guy for an hour or two (a guy she'd dated for months, btw) is hardly going to distract Eve from searching for a better guy or a guy she's interested in who is also interested in her.

And for the record, I believe I am still the voice of reason, even in this thread.

 

[Bob Arctor]

I have to agree with BJD about the article. This site is no stranger to people with social anxiety, obviously. As man with social anxiety, or just a shy man, whatever you want to call it, I have to cross a huge barrier of fear to even talk to a woman I find attractive. Speaking for myself, if I'm being friendly with a girl IRL but not asking her out, 90% of the time it's because I haven't worked up the nerve yet and I expect to get rejected anyway.

Rejection is generally not something I'm too gung-ho about rushing into. This attitude is probably a turn-off for some women, but there's been countless times in my life where I would have been thrilled beyond belief if the girl I liked made the first move. I think I read something in that article about how if the woman had made the first move it would have "taken the fun out of it." This might be true for socially savvy guys or pick-up artists, but for the shy guys this situation would seem heaven sent.

 

[VanillaCreme]

The entire incident was truly bizarre for me. WHY could he come here when there are plenty of other places he could have called? Why stop by - why not just call for an appointment the way most people do?

Do I need to come mud stomp a mofo? (d)

Even if he was feeling guilty, tell him to hit the road. You're not a toy to be messed with. For him to play with and then forget about when he's done. Unless it's a close friend, for me, there is no picking back up where it was left off.

Tell him to go :club: himself.



But being rational... I agree with Jedi. Could have been all sorts of reasons.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I guess the "why" he stopped communicating isn't really important. The fact that he dropped off the face of the Earth with no contact is rude in the extreme.
I just wish he'd chosen another company for an estimate.
Maybe I'll get lucky and he will consider us too expensive and look elsewhere.
That way, there will be no more interactions with him.