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No, actually it's because I have different standards for myself in a relationship than I do for myself when I'm single. Because I value the relationship. There isn't much that I value when I'm single, and that's why my behaviors change. I never really got into one night stands or flings. I think I had maybe one or two, just to have the experience. And what I got out of it is that it reduces the value of sex for me to a commodity of mediocrity, which is the exact opposite of what I try to achieve in a relationship, that is, something of substantial value in longevity.

But at the same time, it seems somewhat nonsensical for me to continually seriously investing into relationships just for a woman to monkey branch off on a quest to chase the fabled dragon. I don't knock it, I'm perhaps jaded from it, but I understand it for the nature that it is without it actually causing me discomfort. I can do poly or monogamous relationships, but it needs to be clearly established in the beginning what it is and it needs to stick to that adherence.

The collective quest to find "the one" to me, is like going to a car dealership and driving every car on the lot to find out which one you like the best, only to find out about 2 years later that it doesn't really matter which car you got, because the car salesmen is still a car salesmen nevertheless, and you were going to get jipped no matter which option you chose because that's the job of the salesmen. --Ironically, I hate sales because I'm in operations management, so sales managers pitch me an idea and I rebuttal with why it won't work when that idea is applied. 😂

So yes, I take relationships seriously, but also I don't have the bleeding heart adherence to the idea that love is this coveted special magical thing, either. The majority of that for me can be explained through neuroscience/biochemistry, and the complexities of the evolution of human psychology.

Do I like love? Yes, of course.
Is it something I can't live without? No.

I feel often like I owe it to my partner to put my best effort in, even if I know **** well that it's probably not going to work out for one reason or another. And the reason why I feel that way is because I understand the deep instinctual driving factors behind human behavior, which is really nothing more than just a collection of various different forms of instinctual fears that give rise to instinctual aspirations and actions.

I *can* be emotional if I chose to be, I'm traditionally a live musician, so that's innate in me, but I also understand that in order to survive in this world the way that I feel has to be put aside for higher logical deductive reasoning and rationale.

I don't go into poly relationships with emotional attachment invested beyond a certain point, because truthfully those are more just for fun for me than they are for commitment, and I don't go into monogamous relationships without the intent of trying to approach it emotionally from a traditional stance with a somewhat modified formality in that I'll likely be somewhat reserved until I've become comfortable enough to relax.

In short: I'm trying to live my life, not put people on pedestals and build egos, but have an actual, functional, stable lifestyle. Nor do I need my own ego built, because that's the quickest way for me to get thrown off of my focus on myself. And so that's why I don't really do power dynamics outside of the bedroom and why I'm kind of a hardass about it.
The men on this site really make my hair itch lolz so intelligent! I like this, this is clear to me. So, because i'm impressed and can't sleep...you get a bonus question !!

Hear me out on this point, what do you think of this idea:

I feel like, relationships work, what doesn't work is everyone believing in a world where nothing is forever, relationships are meant to be. People dismiss the love they had, because it ended, I think thats the confusion... not sure what that perspective makes people think. It's almost like the child in me screams, what's the point of washing, you'll only get dirty again, what's the point of living, you're only gonna die.. what's the point of love... you're only gonna get hurt. Maybe it hurts because we're selfish... we want infinite life and love... this world says no. No because, with absence of an ending... there would be an absence of appreciation.
 
Lol honestly.... I will admit this... I looked up the term soyboy on google, there I said it. I feel so much more transparent now.

How to answer this, hmm, I think, unfortunately I attract men who... aren't "strong enough" to be with me. That is all I attract, I have different theories as to why this is... but I won't bore you with them lmao.

I don't want a biker dude, or a gang banger, I just want a guy thats mentally stable and not afraid to be masculine as thats what I'm attracted to. However, a lot of men have been force fed a lie that every woman wants a man who acts like a woman...I cant think of anything worse... for myself anyway.


The thing I noticed in my life is that not all men express their masculinity the same way. I remember working with this older gentlemen, he had to be 65 and somewhat frail and soft spoken. By his looks and soft-spoken voice, most people would label him as weak and feminine. The store manager even criticized his handshake as not being masculine because it wasnt strong enough. But you know what? After my dad died when I came back to work this guy took me to the side, shook my hand, and comforted me. Personally Im terrified of speaking to people who have recently lost a close family member. It's hard for me to talk to them and say Im sorry for their loss. But this guy, who many would label as not masculine by his appearance and soft spoken voice, had the guts to talk to me and help me feel better, whereas others didnt even talk to me at all. That was his own way of expressing his masculine strength. Doubtless he had other ways that I didnt know of as well.

tbh, I dont know any effeminate men, and I dont know how many there really are. Maybe when some guys are around you they turn on the feminine act thinking you will find it attractive, I guess. Or maybe the way they express their masculinity isnt what your looking for.
 
The men on this site really make my hair itch lolz so intelligent! I like this, this is clear to me. So, because i'm impressed and can't sleep...you get a bonus question !!

Hear me out on this point, what do you think of this idea:

I feel like, relationships work, what doesn't work is everyone believing in a world where nothing is forever, relationships are meant to be. People dismiss the love they had, because it ended, I think thats the confusion... not sure what that perspective makes people think. It's almost like the child in me screams, what's the point of washing, you'll only get dirty again, what's the point of living, you're only gonna die.. what's the point of love... you're only gonna get hurt. Maybe it hurts because we're selfish... we want infinite life and love... this world says no. No because, with absence of an ending... there would be an absence of appreciation.

Life is an experience of learning to try to be comfortable with that which makes you uncomfortable. Everyone handles this in different ways on different subjects and there are both healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms for pretty much all things accordingly.

It is true that nothing lasts forever, but that doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing, either. What is nothing, exactly? It isn't a black hole, because even that is something. Nothingness is such a profound concept that it's almost difficult to wrap your head around. Some people see nothingness as the end, some see it as the beginning, I see it as both, and that nothingness literally is forever, in that it is timeless and infinite, and if love is truly meant to last forever, that would be of course where I would find it.
 
The thing I noticed in my life is that not all men express their masculinity the same way. I remember working with this older gentlemen, he had to be 65 and somewhat frail and soft spoken. By his looks and soft-spoken voice, most people would label him as weak and feminine. The store manager even criticized his handshake as not being masculine because it wasnt strong enough. But you know what? After my dad died when I came back to work this guy took me to the side, shook my hand, and comforted me. Personally Im terrified of speaking to people who have recently lost a close family member. It's hard for me to talk to them and say Im sorry for their loss. But this guy, who many would label as not masculine by his appearance and soft spoken voice, had the guts to talk to me and help me feel better, whereas others didnt even talk to me at all. That was his own way of expressing his masculine strength. Doubtless he had other ways that I didnt know of as well.

tbh, I dont know any effeminate men, and I dont know how many there really are. Maybe when some guys are around you they turn on the feminine act thinking you will find it attractive, I guess. Or maybe the way they express their masculinity isnt what your looking for.
Awh first, sorry for your loss, I know that back to work feeling, bloody awful.

I think masculinity is expressed in different ways too, I dont think walking around trying to fight everyone is masculine lol However, I also dont like men who call me "queen or goddess" that talk about "worshipping me", that would cry during arguments, that cant speak/stand up for themselves... that let everyone walk all over them.
 
Awh first, sorry for your loss, I know that back to work feeling, bloody awful.

I think masculinity is expressed in different ways too, I dont think walking around trying to fight everyone is masculine lol However, I also dont like men who call me "queen or goddess" that talk about "worshipping me", that would cry during arguments, that cant speak/stand up for themselves... that let everyone walk all over them.
What the heck.... I guess this is a new generation of guys.... Dont blame you at all for not liking that.
 
Awh first, sorry for your loss, I know that back to work feeling, bloody awful.

I think masculinity is expressed in different ways too, I dont think walking around trying to fight everyone is masculine lol However, I also dont like men who call me "queen or goddess" that talk about "worshipping me", that would cry during arguments, that cant speak/stand up for themselves... that let everyone walk all over them.
You're looking for a young version of your father, but it's easier to dress it up as not wanting a soyboy simp. There aren't many soy boys like you describe around. Well I've never met guys like that. Men being a fraction more open emotionally than they once were is positive, and generally better than alcoholism, drug abuse... suicide.
 
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You're looking for a young version of your father, but it's easier to dress it up as not wanting a soyboy simp. There aren't many soy boys like you describe around. Well I've never met guys like that. Men being a fraction more open emotionally than they once were is positive, and generally better than alcoholism, drug abuse... suicide.
I have said countless times that my dad has shaped what I look for in a partner, how's that ever been dressed up? You can literally quote it, word for word. Ugh, i'm fed up, fell asleep in my make up and now this, i'm gonna be trying to get this off for hours... just to put it back on, life is cruel.

I don't know how many soyboys or whatever the term there are. I honestly hope there are loads around for the women who like their men that way, which seems to be a majority or a minority that is allowed to speak for the majority. I can never tell...

It's funny I say... I dont want someone mentally unstable who cries all the time... you say... I am implying I don't want men to be a "fraction more open emotionally" it's just 2 different talking points. The reason why the talking point has to be all or nothing is because thats the society we live in... all or nothing. I live in the grey space... A space where saying reasonable thing to expect from a partner is not taboo.

I just wanna ask something, a little controversial but... thats my middle name at this point... for the fellas. How many of you think, that if for whatever reason... you cried on the first date, you'd get a second one?
 
What the heck.... I guess this is a new generation of guys.... Dont blame you at all for not liking that.
Yeah, I make men really submissive... must be my alpha energy lol Not sure what it is to be honest, but I dont make them wanna be men, and thats... not good. Or maybe they are always like that, and im just flattering myself thinking its all for me, who knows.
 
I have said countless times that my dad has shaped what I look for in a partner...
Yes but you seem to want something akin to a father-like figure, or are getting the two mixed up.

And a man crying on the first date... That happened to you? No, it'd be inappropriate and very strange... but at some point, waaay down the track, I'd hope to be able to lean on her (occasionally) as she could with me, or at least not have to worry that she's going to drop me in disgust.

A question for you : if you saw you boyfriend/spouse crying at a funeral would you be turned off or respect him less as a man? Lets say another scenario: in distress from burnout at work.
 
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Yes but you seem to want something akin to a father-like figure, or are getting the two mixed up. not just someone who shares characteristics with your dad.

And men crying on the first date. That happened to you? No, it'd be inappropriate and very strange... but at some point, waaay down the track, I'd hope to be able to lean on her (occasionally) as much as she could with me.

A question for you : if you saw you boyfriend/spouse crying at his mother's funeral would you be turned off or respect him less as a man?

I said what I want, I'm that kinda girl, I say what I want... I don't want a father figure, not sure where people are getting all this stuff about me 😂

My point is, do you think you would get a second date? no... because not many people are looking for that. Some women might like it. idk... not me, not on the first, second, 100th date. I have had guys cry on the first date, but I knew them before so it's a bit... disingenuous for me to say, oh yeah lol

Like I said, I'm not saying he cant ever cry, it's normal to cry, oh god especially at funerals, my brother didn't cry at dads, but i'm sure he cried in private which is also fine. I'm talking about guys who cry to me about having a bad day, or during an argument im sorry.. I'd be completely turned off, I cant even control that it's just a involuntary response.
 
I said what I want, I'm that kinda girl, I say what I want... I don't want a father figure, not sure where people are getting all this stuff about me 😂

My point is, do you think you would get a second date? no... because not many people are looking for that. Some women might like it. idk... not me, not on the first, second, 100th date. I have had guys cry on the first date, but I knew them before so it's a bit... disingenuous for me to say, oh yeah lol

Like I said, I'm not saying he cant ever cry, it's normal to cry, oh god especially at funerals, my brother didn't cry at dads, but i'm sure he cried in private which is also fine. I'm talking about guys who cry to me about having a bad day, or during an argument im sorry.. I'd be completely turned off, I cant even control that it's just a involuntary response.
I don't think a woman would get a second date if she did that. That behaviour doesn't seem at all commonplace regardless of gender. That's an appeal to extremes fallacy. But okay let's leave it there.
 
I don't think a woman would get a second date if she did that. That behaviour doesn't seem at all commonplace regardless of gender. That's an appeal to extremes fallacy. But okay let's leave it there.
You think a woman wouldn't get a second date if she cried on the first? 🧐 Seriously? Women get so many advances at the times they are most vulnerable, sad but true. Some men literally go to funerals to pick up women. But we can leave it there😇
 
Okay I have a new question for the fellas! Not sure what side of the brain this falls under.

What would make you walk away, seriously, walk away and never look back from a partner of ... over 1 year?
 
Okay I have a new question for the fellas! Not sure what side of the brain this falls under.

What would make you walk away, seriously, walk away and never look back from a partner of ... over 1 year?

😬 As a personal practice and principle, I don't go backwards when it comes to my relationships. Once I'm gone, I'm just gone. In that aspect, I'm like a cockroach (because cockroaches can't walk backwards). 😅

Mind you, I can maintain platonic friendships with my exes, and usually I offer that upon the breakup rather she leaves me or I leave her.
Sometimes people just make better friends than they do lovers.

With my monogamous relationships my rules a lot stricter than they are with a poly relationship.

Monogamy Rules:
1.) Don't cheat. I don't care if you flirt with randos online or do cam work, just don't go hooking up with other men IRL.
2.) Don't be addicted to drugs.
3.) Responsibilities have to be mutually acknowledged and shared, pretty much cut 50/50, because I mean, if I can't count on my partner to have my back, than why would I call them my partner?? Plus it's a mutually beneficial learning experience where we can teach each other life skills and help each other grow and develop those life skills.

Poly Rules:
1.) Don't be addicted to drugs.
2.) Use some kind of protection or contraceptive, because I really don't wanna be on an episode of Who's The Father or waiting in a line to get pills for an infection because somebody decided to be irresponsible.
3.) Try to keep the drama to a minimum. Since there are additional people involved, communication should be more transparent and problem solving should be helped by bouncing ideas around like a group project.

In either formality, I generally prefer to start as friends first and gradually move into being in a relationship. It just works better that way because I get to know a person more thoroughly as a friend first and foremost which will help me learn to know how to care for them in the relationship as well as how to troubleshoot issues they have.
 
You think a woman wouldn't get a second date if she cried on the first? 🧐 Seriously? Women get so many advances at the times they are most vulnerable, sad but true. Some men literally go to funerals to pick up women. But we can leave it there😇
yeah only predators find it appealing. No way I'd continue someone who started bawling on the first date.
 
Half a million pounds and a Bugatti Veyron.
You materialistic... man ! lolz

1.) Don't cheat. I don't care if you flirt with randos online or do cam work, just don't go hooking up with other men IRL.
This is so interesting, would you also flirt with randoms online whilst in a relationship?

yeah only predators find it appealing. No way I'd continue someone who started bawling on the first date.
Don't make me put you to the test, I can cry on cue ;) I'm only playing lolz
 
15 years! omg, im sorry that sounds hard. But yes, people look at others a "opportunities" rather than who they actually are. I am even guilty of this, if I see a guy with "potential" I think, if only I could make him more... tough and sprinkle some "toxic masculinity" on him... but I started thinking, what if me changing him, just makes him resent me and never find someone that would love all of him... exactly how he is.
Lol "more tough and sprinkle some toxic masculinity on him"? You're a weird one kiddo ;-)
I probably got too much of that for my own good. People usually want it the other way around.
But yeah, it's not about him resenting you, though it can certainly happen. It's about you wasting your time with someone you don't really want in the first place. Possibly hurting him and yourself in the process. People don't enjoy waiting and often pursue even though they don't realise they're after an ideal more than a person. It's unfair to both and usually doesnt end well.
I just refuse to compromise my principles for a "quick fix". I've had numerous opportunities. That didn't make it Right.

To answer your second question, I got three rules;
1- Don't take me for a fool.
2-Don't cheat on me. Flirt all you want, I trust implicitely until proven otherwise
3-Don't let your ego run rampant and think you're all that. My ego will dump yours faster than a bad habit.

I've yet to meet a girl who could respect all three. It doesn't seem that complicated, though. Everything else is negotiable.
 
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This is so interesting, would you also flirt with randoms online whilst in a relationship?

No, probably not. Typically women demand a lot more attention than I do. If I'm with a woman I'll just be with her and that's enough for me. Simply put I'm a man with desires but I'm not a slave to my desires. This is again something that's different for me between when I'm single and when I'm in a relationship. I actually have a pretty decent amount of focus and self control when in a relationship, but if I'm single, I mean, I'm single, so what's the point in holding myself back?

I've been with a couple women in that lifestyle, I didn't meet them through it, it was just a coincidence. I study business templates and I wanted to understand how it worked so I drilled them for some answers and so I have more of an in-depth understanding of it than the average dude who's rendered otherwise compromised of it..

Metaphorically speaking, because I don't really know how else to put it without sleep, I'm inclined to let the dog off the leash in the yard so long as the fence is closed so it doesn't get hit by passing cars with careless drivers because I do actually love and cherish what I have..
 
I love how these are things you do in relationships and not just everyday 😅
Absolutely! It's very easy to live by yourself. But, it's a lot of work living with someone else. Well, unless both people totally don't care about how they live. Then they feed off each other's non-caring and you get a messy, hoarding type situation. Ha! ha!
 

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