Can I ask, do you think you try too hard to impress when in relationships ? Is that why theres such a huge gap between who you are, and who you are whilst dating?
No, actually it's because I have different standards for myself in a relationship than I do for myself when I'm single. Because I value the relationship. There isn't much that I value when I'm single, and that's why my behaviors change. I never really got into one night stands or flings. I think I had maybe one or two, just to have the experience. And what I got out of it is that it reduces the value of sex for me to a commodity of mediocrity, which is the exact opposite of what I try to achieve in a relationship, that is, something of substantial value in longevity.
But at the same time, it seems somewhat nonsensical for me to continually seriously investing into relationships just for a woman to monkey branch off on a quest to chase the fabled dragon. I don't knock it, I'm perhaps jaded from it, but I understand it for the nature that it is without it actually causing me discomfort. I can do poly or monogamous relationships, but it needs to be clearly established in the beginning what it is and it needs to stick to that adherence.
The collective quest to find "the one" to me, is like going to a car dealership and driving every car on the lot to find out which one you like the best, only to find out about 2 years later that it doesn't really matter which car you got, because the car salesmen is still a car salesmen nevertheless, and you were going to get jipped no matter which option you chose because that's the job of the salesmen. --Ironically, I hate sales because I'm in operations management, so sales managers pitch me an idea and I rebuttal with why it won't work when that idea is applied.
So yes, I take relationships seriously, but also I don't have the bleeding heart adherence to the idea that love is this coveted special magical thing, either. The majority of that for me can be explained through neuroscience/biochemistry, and the complexities of the evolution of human psychology.
Do I like love? Yes, of course.
Is it something I can't live without? No.
I feel often like I owe it to my partner to put my best effort in, even if I know **** well that it's probably not going to work out for one reason or another. And the reason why I feel that way is because I understand the deep instinctual driving factors behind human behavior, which is really nothing more than just a collection of various different forms of instinctual fears that give rise to instinctual aspirations and actions.
I *can* be emotional if I chose to be, I'm traditionally a live musician, so that's innate in me, but I also understand that in order to survive in this world the way that I feel has to be put aside for higher logical deductive reasoning and rationale.
I don't go into poly relationships with emotional attachment invested beyond a certain point, because truthfully those are more just for fun for me than they are for commitment, and I don't go into monogamous relationships without the intent of trying to approach it emotionally from a traditional stance with a somewhat modified formality in that I'll likely be somewhat reserved until I've become comfortable enough to relax.
In short: I'm trying to live my life, not put people on pedestals and build egos, but have an actual, functional, stable lifestyle. Nor do I need my own ego built, because that's the quickest way for me to get thrown off of my focus on myself. And so that's why I don't really do power dynamics outside of the bedroom and why I'm kind of a hardass about it.
I joke I joke..
