Questions for the Men

[BeyondShy]

I've never had a friend but I imagined the two are entirely seperate things. It's not a hard concept.
I think part of it is that people don't want to be friends with those they consider unattractive. For men the issue rarely comes up because men won't pursue women they're disinterested in, and men find most women at least attractive enough to merit consideration as people. For attractive or at least respected men, the friendzone does not exist.

All of this makes me happy I never had a friend.

Probably all the people that have met you feel the same way.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Stop the insults and generalizations. Enough.

 

[ardour]

I think part of it is that people don't want to be friends with those they consider unattractive.

This is an extremely negative point of view, but sadly, true for a percentage. A lot of people like to pass themselves off as outwardly decent and tolerant, but when you look at their circle you won't find one person who isn't conventionally attractive.

 

[Aisha]

I think part of it is that people don't want to be friends with those they consider unattractive.

This is an extremely negative point of view, but sadly, true for a percentage. A lot of people like to pass themselves off as outwardly decent and tolerant, but when you look at their circle you won't find one person who isn't conventionally attractive.

BS. That 'percentage' is extremely small. 'A lot of people'? Most people are average when it comes to looks and that's completely fine, the majority of them manage to make friends with others to varying degrees. It doesn't take looks to form a friendship. The only people with biases and preconceptions that would prevent others from making friends with them would be people who think like you guys.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I think part of it is that people don't want to be friends with those they consider unattractive.

This is an extremely negative point of view, but sadly, true for a percentage. A lot of people like to pass themselves off as outwardly decent and tolerant, but when you look at their circle you won't find one person who isn't conventionally attractive.

BS. That 'percentage' is extremely small. 'A lot of people'? Most people are average when it comes to looks and that's completely fine, the majority of them manage to make friends with others to varying degrees. It doesn't take looks to form a friendship. The only people with biases and preconceptions that would prevent others from making friends with them would be people who think like you guys.

I don't think 'looks' come into friendships at all. It's all about personality and how much you have in common with the other person.

Relationships are probably a bit different though.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't think 'looks' come into friendships at all. It's all about personality and how much you have in common with the other person.

I agree with this.

But another side of it, some people WANT unattractive friends because it makes them look better. (I have known people who do this)

 

[VanillaCreme]

If a guy is single and a woman is single then I can't believe the guy would only want friendship.

Perhaps that's true for you, but not for everyone. Two single people doesn't mean desperation, because that's probably all that is if someone goes with someone else just because they're there. Not only that, why does it have to be just the guy? Could the female not want more? That doesn't even make sense. Not all guys are hound dogs, chasing tail. You wouldn't believe how many females are up front about it, too.

For women if you were to suddenly offer sex or a relationship one day would they take it? Would you still consider it platonic knowing that?

For guys. If your "platonic" friends offered these things would you take them up on it? Are you being delusional when you call them platonic friends?

I posted on both threads since this was asked in both.

I'll answer this here, since this is where I saw it first. Offered sex or a relationship from a person we only considered a friend? Personally, I would turn it down. And then I'd hope that it wasn't awkward between me and the friend. I could never see myself with someone that's strictly a friend, with no feelings of anything more. Anything is possible, but I don't think I'd be okay with knowing I'd slept with a friend. I wouldn't consider it platonic anymore either, because then I'd have it in my mind that the friend wanted more than friendship.

 

[Triple Bogey]

If a guy is single and a woman is single then I can't believe the guy would only want friendship.

Perhaps that's true for you, but not for everyone. Two single people doesn't mean desperation, because that's probably all that is if someone goes with someone else just because they're there. Not only that, why does it have to be just the guy? Could the female not want more? That doesn't even make sense. Not all guys are hound dogs, chasing tail. You wouldn't believe how many females are up front about it, too.

I don't understand why a single guy would want to hang around a woman only as a 'friend' - What's the point ? Maybe an occasional friend / work mate / facebook friend that would work but nothing else.

For women if you were to suddenly offer sex or a relationship one day would they take it? Would you still consider it platonic knowing that?

For guys. If your "platonic" friends offered these things would you take them up on it? Are you being delusional when you call them platonic friends?

I posted on both threads since this was asked in both.

I'll answer this here, since this is where I saw it first. Offered sex or a relationship from a person we only considered a friend? Personally, I would turn it down. And then I'd hope that it wasn't awkward between me and the friend. I could never see myself with someone that's strictly a friend, with no feelings of anything more. Anything is possible, but I don't think I'd be okay with knowing I'd slept with a friend. I wouldn't consider it platonic anymore either, because then I'd have it in my mind that the friend wanted more than friendship.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't understand why a single guy would want to hang around a woman only as a 'friend' - What's the point ? Maybe an occasional friend / work mate / facebook friend that would work but nothing else.

What's the point? Friendship. Do you not believe in friendship? You don't have to jump bones with everyone of the opposite sex just because.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I don't understand why a single guy would want to hang around a woman only as a 'friend' - What's the point ? Maybe an occasional friend / work mate / facebook friend that would work but nothing else.

Seriously? So, do you meet every woman and think of getting to the more than just friends level? If it's not possible you dismiss them? Some people may not be compatible to you romantically but they could be great as friends.

I don't understand why a single guy would want to hang around a woman only as a 'friend' - What's the point ? Maybe an occasional friend / work mate / facebook friend that would work but nothing else.

What's the point? Friendship. Do you not believe in friendship? You don't have to jump bones with everyone of the opposite sex just because.

Yes. Exactly what Nilla said. Friendship. You can be friends with anyone of any gender - it shouldn't make a difference. A friend is a friend, no matter if they're male, female, gay, lesbian, who the hell cares? As long as you enjoy each other's company and can learn to trust each other over time. Wouldn't you want that, TB?

 

[Solivagant]

I don't understand why a single guy would want to hang around a woman only as a 'friend' - What's the point ?

...Ummmmm, because women are people and have value to offer outside of romantic relationships?

 

[Rainbows]

I don't understand why a single guy would want to hang around a woman only as a 'friend' - What's the point ?

...Ummmmm, because women are people and have value to offer outside of romantic relationships?

Good one, Solivagant! Can't stop laughing!

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't understand why a single guy would want to hang around a woman only as a 'friend' - What's the point ?

...Ummmmm, because women are people and have value to offer outside of romantic relationships?

That's just ridiculous. We belong in the kitchen, pregnant and barefoot. We have no other functions beyond that. :club:

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't understand why a single guy would want to hang around a woman only as a 'friend' - What's the point ?

...Ummmmm, because women are people and have value to offer outside of romantic relationships?

That's just ridiculous. We belong in the kitchen, pregnant and barefoot. We have no other functions beyond that. :club:

Totally... Don't people read my signature... Gosh! :club:

 

[Niantiel]

Would you stay friends with an ex? Are you currently friends with an ex? If yes, what did it take for you to be able to remain friends?

Yes, I'm still friends with my ex.
What did it take for us to remain friends? I don't think that was ever out of the question on either of our ends. We were together for 8 years. By the time I broke up with her, we'd already had every argument we could possibly have. We want different lives, really. So we kind of mutually agree to disagree politely and just never really talk about our past differences....She's still pretty hurt that I broke up with her. We don't really hang out, or even talk to each other that much anymore. We miss being around each other though, so even though we have a friendship, it's like a distant friendship. Though, predominately on her own behalf of it. I've honestly tried over the last 3 years since I broke up with her to make an effort to have more of a friendship with her but she apparently can't handle that.

 

[JHK]

I don't understand why a single guy would want to hang around a woman only as a 'friend' - What's the point ?

...Ummmmm, because women are people and have value to offer outside of romantic relationships?

That's just ridiculous. We belong in the kitchen, pregnant and barefoot. We have no other functions beyond that. :club:

I prefer mine unpregnant. You know.... No excuses.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I don't understand why a single guy would want to hang around a woman only as a 'friend' - What's the point ?

...Ummmmm, because women are people and have value to offer outside of romantic relationships?

Read what I wrote again. I said 'close friends'.
And anyway I am entitled to my own opinion. If you don't like it then I am really sorry.

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I don't understand why a single guy would want to hang around a woman only as a 'friend' - What's the point ?

...Ummmmm, because women are people and have value to offer outside of romantic relationships?

That's just ridiculous. We belong in the kitchen, pregnant and barefoot. We have no other functions beyond that. :club:

So I can't have my own opinion ? I have to go along with what every other person thinks and wants. I haven't got the time in my life for a female friend. I would have to sacrifice stuff. And that isn't going to happen.

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And anyway imagine this happening. I meet a woman and we become 'friends', we spend time together, go out to pubs, go the pictures etc.
Become real close. Nothing happens because we are just 'friends' but of course I would be fond of her. I think a lot of her.
And then she meets a bloke who she considers 'boyfriend' material and within 2 weeks he's in her bed and I'm supposed to say
'oh isn't it nice, isn't it great, don't they make a great couple !' - while I have nobody. I climb into an empty bed every night.

Why on earth would I put myself thru that ?
As I said before in an earlier post. No point of a single guy becoming friends with a single woman. Only leads to problems.
Having friendships with women already in relationships is fine and I have a few of them.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Why on earth would I put myself thru that ?
As I said before in an earlier post. No point of a single guy becoming friends with a single woman. Only leads to problems.
Having friendships with women already in relationships is fine and I have a few of them.

How about you stop speaking for everyone else then, because it's you who doesn't want a single female friend. That doesn't mean every other guy is like that. Speak for yourself. You don't want friends, and that's fine, but just because you think that way, doesn't mean it's true for everyone.

 

[Greenish]

I'm a single guy and yes I have one or two female friends. We go for coffee, perhaps a weekend lunch. For me its about the conversation, the companionship, sharing of ideas. One actually lives on another continent with her husband and their baby. I enjoy reading her mails and seeing how they are settling in.

Perhaps we expect too much of friendship, not always appreciating the few hours we spend with that person every now and then, whatever sex they may be

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't understand why a single guy would want to hang around a woman only as a 'friend' - What's the point ?

...Ummmmm, because women are people and have value to offer outside of romantic relationships?

Read what I wrote again. I said 'close friends'.
And anyway I am entitled to my own opinion. If you don't like it then I am really sorry.

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I don't understand why a single guy would want to hang around a woman only as a 'friend' - What's the point ?

...Ummmmm, because women are people and have value to offer outside of romantic relationships?

That's just ridiculous. We belong in the kitchen, pregnant and barefoot. We have no other functions beyond that. :club:

So I can't have my own opinion ? I have to go along with what every other person thinks and wants. I haven't got the time in my life for a female friend. I would have to sacrifice stuff. And that isn't going to happen.

---

And anyway imagine this happening. I meet a woman and we become 'friends', we spend time together, go out to pubs, go the pictures etc.
Become real close. Nothing happens because we are just 'friends' but of course I would be fond of her. I think a lot of her.
And then she meets a bloke who she considers 'boyfriend' material and within 2 weeks he's in her bed and I'm supposed to say
'oh isn't it nice, isn't it great, don't they make a great couple !' - while I have nobody. I climb into an empty bed every night.

Why on earth would I put myself thru that ?
As I said before in an earlier post. No point of a single guy becoming friends with a single woman. Only leads to problems.
Having friendships with women already in relationships is fine and I have a few of them.

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Oh, so I guess you feel the same way about single MALE friends then? They get girls and sleep with them while you are still alone too....or does that somehow not count.
Doesn't matter whether the person has a penis or vagina, they are still a PERSON.