Questions for the Men

[JHK]

Why on earth would I put myself thru that ?
As I said before in an earlier post. No point of a single guy becoming friends with a single woman. Only leads to problems.
Having friendships with women already in relationships is fine and I have a few of them.

I truly don't understand this.

Women are beautiful, mysterious, strong, crazy, creators, and in the most basic of senses...Life. How can you ever expect to find someone if you can't the person behind the skin?
Even if it doesn't work as a relationship, you'll have an amazing person to stand beside you. What is so terribly wrong about that??

 

[Triple Bogey]

Why on earth would I put myself thru that ?
As I said before in an earlier post. No point of a single guy becoming friends with a single woman. Only leads to problems.
Having friendships with women already in relationships is fine and I have a few of them.

I truly don't understand this.

Women are beautiful, mysterious, strong, crazy, creators, and in the most basic of senses...Life. How can you ever expect to find someone if you can't the person behind the skin?
Even if it doesn't work as a relationship, you'll have an amazing person to stand beside you. What is so terribly wrong about that??

Well it's what works for me. Keeps me happy.
I haven't got the time for any close female friends anyway.
If I have a woman in my life then I would prefer a proper girlfriend and everything that comes with it.

Tell you something I wouldn't give up one round of golf for a woman. If I had a female friend and she wants to do something on a golf day them forget it. Golf would win every time !
It sounds harsh but I have loved many women and how many have loved me back ? None ! How many treated me in a kind way ? None !
How many have chosen some other bloke ? All of them !

Maybe if I met a woman who was actually nice to me and wanted to be with me then I would change my attitude. But it never happens.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Well it's what works for me. Keeps me happy.
I haven't got the time for any close female friends anyway.
If I have a woman in my life then I would prefer a proper girlfriend and everything that comes with it.

Tell you something I wouldn't give up one round of golf for a woman. If I had a female friend and she wants to do something on a golf day them forget it. Golf would win every time !
It sounds harsh but I have loved many women and how many have loved me back ? None ! How many treated me in a kind way ? None !
How many have chosen some other bloke ? All of them !

Maybe if I met a woman who was actually nice to me and wanted to be with me then I would change my attitude. But it never happens.

The fact that you openly say you don't even want to befriend a female says a lot. Why would anyone care when you don't want to be a friend?

 

[BeyondShy]

Women are beautiful, mysterious, strong, crazy, creators, and in the most basic of senses...Life. How can you ever expect to find someone if you can't the person behind the skin?
Even if it doesn't work as a relationship, you'll have an amazing person to stand beside you. What is so terribly wrong about that??

Not a **** thing. It is something I would love to have.

Tell you something I wouldn't give up one round of golf for a woman. If I had a female friend and she wants to do something on a golf day them forget it. Golf would win every time !
It sounds harsh but I have loved many women and how many have loved me back ? None ! How many treated me in a kind way ? None !
How many have chosen some other bloke ? All of them !

Maybe subconsciously they know you would not choose them when there is something important going on with you. Trust me, I know what you are saying and I probably do the same thing at times. I just am afraid of being shot down and being embarrassed.

Maybe if I met a woman who was actually nice to me and wanted to be with me then I would change my attitude. But it never happens.

Read what you wrote again. "...who was acually nice to me and wanted to be with me." You got to let them know you want to be with them as much as you want them to want to be with you.

 

[ardour]

I find it more difficult and stressful. Sometimes it's just easier with other men. During conversation there's often a subtext, judgements are being made that you're invariably unaware of. It seems like you're getting on well, but the next time you see them they blank you and won't even respond to 'hello'. Then out of the blue they want to talk again. I'm not saying all women are like this, but it's been a fairly common occurrence.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I don't understand why a single guy would want to hang around a woman only as a 'friend' - What's the point ?

...Ummmmm, because women are people and have value to offer outside of romantic relationships?

+1


Gee. I have a vagina and I don't want to have sex with you. That makes me unworthy of time and friendship. Good to know.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I don't understand why a single guy would want to hang around a woman only as a 'friend' - What's the point ?

...Ummmmm, because women are people and have value to offer outside of romantic relationships?

+1


Gee. I have a vagina and I don't want to have sex with you. That makes me unworthy of time and friendship. Good to know.

You are twisting what I wrote. Anyway like I explained, why would I think any different ? Women have been horrible to me all my life. So I should still be up their arses, creeping around them, bending over backwards to spend a few minutes of time with them so they can forget about me when another bloke comes along ?

No thank you !

 

[VanillaCreme]

You are twisting what I wrote. Anyway like I explained, why would I think any different ? Women have been horrible to me all my life. So I should still be up their arses, creeping around them, bending over backwards to spend a few minutes of time with them so they can forget about me when another bloke comes along ?

No thank you !

That's not twisting your words. As women, we're reading that, thinking that. You don't know how you come across. But I can tell you that's at least two females who read what you wrote and thought the same thing. Realize how your words come across to people. You may not have meant that, but that's sure as hell what it sounded like.

Believe me, we're not trying to attack you. We're not interested in your love life. And you're not interested in having us as women. We're just trying to tell you how a person may take your words. Just because you've been treated badly doesn't mean you should treat others the same way. At least if you don't treat people as badly as you believe you have been treated, you know that no one could ever say you were mean or nasty to them for no reason.

 

[ardour]

You are twisting what I wrote. Anyway like I explained, why would I think any different ? Women have been horrible to me all my life. So I should still be up their arses, creeping around them, bending over backwards to spend a few minutes of time with them so they can forget about me when another bloke comes along ?

No thank you !

The obvious criticism is that you're thinking of women as a collective out to make your life a misery, not individuals. However, someone complaining about how men used or mistreated them wouldn't get criticized for having a similar attitude. People would want to understand.

In theory, friendships with the opposite sex should be as viable. I find them tricky though, even without any attraction involved. It seems we lack the ability to read others properly, read underlying emotional ques and respond accordingly. This doesn't matter so much with men who are less sensitive to that sort of thing, but it's a big problem with women - friendships with them usually fail before they start, resulting in disappointment, bitterness.

---

That's not twisting your words. As women, we're reading that, thinking that. You don't know how you come across. But I can tell you that's at least two females who read what you wrote and thought the same thing. Realize how your words come across to people. You may not have meant that, but that's sure as hell what it sounded like.

Well I've been okay with just being friends without anything more. Just into conversation and spoke like I normally did to other guys.

A good attitude didn't change a thing. Women still found reasons to dislike me, suddenly stop talking, if not immediately then at some unexpected point. Just isn't like that with other men.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Well I've been okay with just being friends without anything more. Just into conversation and spoke like I normally did to other guys.

A good attitude didn't change a thing. Women still found reasons to dislike me, suddenly stop talking, if not immediately then at some unexpected point. Just isn't like that with other men.

I seriously don't know what women you've been meeting and being friends with. I know myself and a few other ladies I'm friends with in real life who have amazing friendships with guys.... who are not even some people would call "hunky men".

Not all women are like that... and you haven't met all the women in your area or your country or the entire world to say so. But you probably wouldn't believe that.

 

[Rosebolt]

You are twisting what I wrote. Anyway like I explained, why would I think any different ? Women have been horrible to me all my life. So I should still be up their arses, creeping around them, bending over backwards to spend a few minutes of time with them so they can forget about me when another bloke comes along ?

No thank you !

Get over yourself. Women are not a tool for salvation for you to use and build a happy life with. Don't give me your bullshit that you're happy without women and enjoy being alone, you're clearly not. It radiates from you. About 80% of the posts you make are on this subject. Your bitterness is off putting to women and men, because frankly, the two are both human.

 

[Veruca]

There will always be people who are insincere and mean. There will be women who treat nice men poorly and men who treat nice women badly. But generalizing our bad experiences isn't going to help us become less lonely. All it does is make us bitter and even more lonely.

Just saying...food for thought. There are children, men and women who are abused brutally every day. Not all of them are turning around and stereotyping people. Rape victims still get married and settle down. Victims of racism still befriend everyone. Even abused animals learn to trust humans. Might be worth reconsidering our stand on certain things?

All that said, and I mean only to help, I just want to say that if this is you venting, then its ok. Go ahead. I was offended by what I read at first, but someone wise once pointed out that not everyone is able to deal with or express hurt in an acceptable way. Besides, that's what this forum is for partly I guess. I'm not advocating for insults but I get it. It would be nice to consider the feelings of others in the forum of course, but who am I to judge.

Anyway, I would hope that you change your views on women, because human relationships can be incredibly fulfilling be it romantic or platonic. And its sad if one cannot see that.

 

[user 130057]

There will always be people who are insincere and mean. There will be women who treat nice men poorly and men who treat nice women badly. But generalizing our bad experiences isn't going to help us become less lonely. All it does is make us bitter and even more lonely.

Just saying...food for thought. There are children, men and women who are abused brutally every day. Not all of them are turning around and stereotyping people. Rape victims still get married and settle down. Victims of racism still befriend everyone. Even abused animals learn to trust humans. Might be worth reconsidering our stand on certain things?

All that said, and I mean only to help, I just want to say that if this is you venting, then its ok. Go ahead. I was offended by what I read at first, but someone wise once pointed out that not everyone is able to deal with or express hurt in an acceptable way. Besides, that's what this forum is for partly I guess. I'm not advocating for insults but I get it. It would be nice to consider the feelings of others in the forum of course, but who am I to judge.

Anyway, I would hope that you change your views on women, because human relationships can be incredibly fulfilling be it romantic or platonic. And its sad if one cannot see that.

I wholeheartedly agree with everything you have written here. I'd also say that if some people "don't understand why a single guy would want to hang around a woman only as a 'friend'", then perhaps that's a large part of the problem.

 

[Minus]

There will always be people who are insincere and mean. There will be women who treat nice men poorly and men who treat nice women badly. But generalizing our bad experiences isn't going to help us become less lonely. All it does is make us bitter and even more lonely.

Just saying...food for thought. There are children, men and women who are abused brutally every day. Not all of them are turning around and stereotyping people. Rape victims still get married and settle down. Victims of racism still befriend everyone. Even abused animals learn to trust humans. Might be worth reconsidering our stand on certain things?

All that said, and I mean only to help, I just want to say that if this is you venting, then its ok. Go ahead. I was offended by what I read at first, but someone wise once pointed out that not everyone is able to deal with or express hurt in an acceptable way. Besides, that's what this forum is for partly I guess. I'm not advocating for insults but I get it. It would be nice to consider the feelings of others in the forum of course, but who am I to judge.

Anyway, I would hope that you change your views on women, because human relationships can be incredibly fulfilling be it romantic or platonic. And its sad if one cannot see that.

That is a great post. It should go into the ALL handout for new members.

 

[ladyforsaken]

There will always be people who are insincere and mean. There will be women who treat nice men poorly and men who treat nice women badly. But generalizing our bad experiences isn't going to help us become less lonely. All it does is make us bitter and even more lonely.

Just saying...food for thought. There are children, men and women who are abused brutally every day. Not all of them are turning around and stereotyping people. Rape victims still get married and settle down. Victims of racism still befriend everyone. Even abused animals learn to trust humans. Might be worth reconsidering our stand on certain things?

All that said, and I mean only to help, I just want to say that if this is you venting, then its ok. Go ahead. I was offended by what I read at first, but someone wise once pointed out that not everyone is able to deal with or express hurt in an acceptable way. Besides, that's what this forum is for partly I guess. I'm not advocating for insults but I get it. It would be nice to consider the feelings of others in the forum of course, but who am I to judge.

Anyway, I would hope that you change your views on women, because human relationships can be incredibly fulfilling be it romantic or platonic. And its sad if one cannot see that.

+1

 

[Sci-Fi]

Excellent post Veruca.

There is nothing wrong with being friends with someone of the opposite sex. Just because your parts fit together doesn't mean you can only have a sexual relationship with them. Without our erogenous zones we're all equal.

I've had bad experiences with women, but there is no way I put that on any of my female friends. Just because of a few doesn't **** the whole sex. I trust my female friends more than many of my male friends.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Just to clarify, I'm so used to seeing comments like TB's here, that my response was more tongue in cheek than anything else.
However, twisting anyone's words? No. Period.

 

[constant stranger]

I think that being in the friendship zone with an interesting and brainy lady is pretty cool.

 

[ABrokenMan]

There will always be people who are insincere and mean. There will be women who treat nice men poorly and men who treat nice women badly. But generalizing our bad experiences isn't going to help us become less lonely. All it does is make us bitter and even more lonely.

Just saying...food for thought. There are children, men and women who are abused brutally every day. Not all of them are turning around and stereotyping people. Rape victims still get married and settle down. Victims of racism still befriend everyone. Even abused animals learn to trust humans. Might be worth reconsidering our stand on certain things?

All that said, and I mean only to help, I just want to say that if this is you venting, then its ok. Go ahead. I was offended by what I read at first, but someone wise once pointed out that not everyone is able to deal with or express hurt in an acceptable way. Besides, that's what this forum is for partly I guess. I'm not advocating for insults but I get it. It would be nice to consider the feelings of others in the forum of course, but who am I to judge.

Anyway, I would hope that you change your views on women, because human relationships can be incredibly fulfilling be it romantic or platonic. And its sad if one cannot see that.

I wholeheartedly agree with everything you have written here. I'd also say that if some people "don't understand why a single guy would want to hang around a woman only as a 'friend'", then perhaps that's a large part of the problem.

Exactamundo.

 

[ardour]

I trust my female friends more than many of my male friends.

If you’ve had genuine female friends then that puts you in a different category to us. The only women who show any desire to be a friends with me seem to be those in poor emotional shape. The pattern is characterized by this initial phase of interest in getting to know me, then either they find someone else or get over whatever it was they were going through. At least that's my impression.