Questions for the Men

[VanillaCreme]

My big question though, is who is expected to pay the kid(s) expenses? This would probably be either the deal-maker or deal-breaker.

Certainly not anyone who isn't responsible for them. Perhaps a stepdad would be in a sense, since he's already knowing of and agreed to taking on that responsibility. If I had kids, and was dating a guy who was not the dad, I certainly would not look at him for anything for them. If he wanted to get them something, that's on him. I'd never ask that of anyone.

 

[Serenia]

I think a good way to look at the kids thing for those guys who have questions about being involved with a single parent. Put yourself in the single mothers shoes. What if you had been blessed with a partner a children, and the partner was now not in the equation either due to death, abandonment or not fit. How would you like you and your children to be treated by a potential new partner?

 

[Serenia]

I am ok with guys choosing to reject me because of my kids. Helps me weed them out.

Yes, I feel the same.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I pay for my own kids. Also, I get child support for a reason, so there's no reason why someone I date would have to pay for their expenses. If you want to buy them something..a birthday or Christmas present or just a little surprise for them, you're welcome to, but it's not expected.

But, on the side of like going out to dinner with the kids. If the guy INSISTS on paying, I would assume he'd be paying for the kids too. If he didn't say anything, I would pay for myself and my kids. It's more about give and take. I pay for some things, the guy pays for some things, but that doesn't mean he has to spend money on my kids. Does that make sense?

OK. I wasn't entirely sure how child support worked, if it was that reliable of a system, or if most single mothers expected a guy to fill the parent role anyway, regardless of if they were getting support or not.

It makes sense though, and while I don't think I would seek out a single mother on purpose, I don't think I would be openly hostile to their kids either. I just wouldn't want to be expected to give up my dreams to assume a responsibility that really isn't mine. I think this arrangement like you said would be agreeable, if I found myself in this situation.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I pay for my own kids. Also, I get child support for a reason, so there's no reason why someone I date would have to pay for their expenses. If you want to buy them something..a birthday or Christmas present or just a little surprise for them, you're welcome to, but it's not expected.

But, on the side of like going out to dinner with the kids. If the guy INSISTS on paying, I would assume he'd be paying for the kids too. If he didn't say anything, I would pay for myself and my kids. It's more about give and take. I pay for some things, the guy pays for some things, but that doesn't mean he has to spend money on my kids. Does that make sense?

OK. I wasn't entirely sure how child support worked, if it was that reliable of a system, or if most single mothers expected a guy to fill the parent role anyway, regardless of if they were getting support or not.

It makes sense though, and while I don't think I would seek out a single mother on purpose, I don't think I would be openly hostile to their kids either. I just wouldn't want to be expected to give up my dreams to assume a responsibility that really isn't mine. I think this arrangement like you said would be agreeable, if I found myself in this situation.

Child support is tricky and not always reliable. Yes, they are SUPPOSED to pay it, but not everyone does. There are punishments for not paying, though, including jail time, suspended license, etc.
I'm lucky in that I usually get child support from my ex and get a good amount because of the job he has. But there are times I don't get it. When he starts a new job, if he doesn't call in the info, they can't take it out of his check and he never sends the money in on his own.

 

[Case]

I am ok with guys choosing to reject me because of my kids. Helps me weed them out.

And that is exactly the correct position to take, in my opinion. Your kids are forever. A spouse or a BF may be temporary. I'd be wary of anyone who did not have your attitude, so 'thumbs up' for you.

I believe, in my heart of hearts, that if I was in love with someone, it would not matter how many kids the woman had because her life would be my life, and I would want to share in the things she felt most dear.

But that's just me. I admit to being more of a secret romantic. (Okay... not so secret anymore. lol)

 

[bleed_the_freak]

To the guys saying they wouldn't because they don't want to raise someone else's kids. You wouldn't necessarily be raising them, you would just have to be a role model to them.

I've dated women with kids. I was always thrilled to be able to be a positive role model to any child. On a related note, and I can only speak for myself, a woman who is a dedicated mother is very attractive (as a human being in general).

The kids are part of the deal. If you love a person, you'll make every effort to love the kids too.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I believe, in my heart of hearts, that if I was in love with someone, it would not matter how many kids the woman had because her life would be my life, and I would want to share in the things she felt most dear.

What if she has 20 kids :O

 

[beautiful loser]

^ Does she live in a shoe??

 

[TheRealCallie]

^ Does she live in a shoe??

Either that or has the last name Duggar.

 

[Paraiyar]

I pay for my own kids. Also, I get child support for a reason, so there's no reason why someone I date would have to pay for their expenses. If you want to buy them something..a birthday or Christmas present or just a little surprise for them, you're welcome to, but it's not expected.

But, on the side of like going out to dinner with the kids. If the guy INSISTS on paying, I would assume he'd be paying for the kids too. If he didn't say anything, I would pay for myself and my kids. It's more about give and take. I pay for some things, the guy pays for some things, but that doesn't mean he has to spend money on my kids. Does that make sense?

OK. I wasn't entirely sure how child support worked, if it was that reliable of a system, or if most single mothers expected a guy to fill the parent role anyway, regardless of if they were getting support or not.

It makes sense though, and while I don't think I would seek out a single mother on purpose, I don't think I would be openly hostile to their kids either. I just wouldn't want to be expected to give up my dreams to assume a responsibility that really isn't mine. I think this arrangement like you said would be agreeable, if I found myself in this situation.

Child support is tricky and not always reliable. Yes, they are SUPPOSED to pay it, but not everyone does. There are punishments for not paying, though, including jail time, suspended license, etc.
I'm lucky in that I usually get child support from my ex and get a good amount because of the job he has. But there are times I don't get it. When he starts a new job, if he doesn't call in the info, they can't take it out of his check and he never sends the money in on his own.

The other side of this is that there is no legal accountability for what child support is actually spent on.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Can't spend it on anything if you don't get it.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I pay for my own kids. Also, I get child support for a reason, so there's no reason why someone I date would have to pay for their expenses. If you want to buy them something..a birthday or Christmas present or just a little surprise for them, you're welcome to, but it's not expected.

But, on the side of like going out to dinner with the kids. If the guy INSISTS on paying, I would assume he'd be paying for the kids too. If he didn't say anything, I would pay for myself and my kids. It's more about give and take. I pay for some things, the guy pays for some things, but that doesn't mean he has to spend money on my kids. Does that make sense?

OK. I wasn't entirely sure how child support worked, if it was that reliable of a system, or if most single mothers expected a guy to fill the parent role anyway, regardless of if they were getting support or not.

It makes sense though, and while I don't think I would seek out a single mother on purpose, I don't think I would be openly hostile to their kids either. I just wouldn't want to be expected to give up my dreams to assume a responsibility that really isn't mine. I think this arrangement like you said would be agreeable, if I found myself in this situation.

Child support is tricky and not always reliable. Yes, they are SUPPOSED to pay it, but not everyone does. There are punishments for not paying, though, including jail time, suspended license, etc.
I'm lucky in that I usually get child support from my ex and get a good amount because of the job he has. But there are times I don't get it. When he starts a new job, if he doesn't call in the info, they can't take it out of his check and he never sends the money in on his own.

The other side of this is that there is no legal accountability for what child support is actually spent on.

I'll be honest and say most of the child support I get goes to my mortgage payments. My job just isn't enough to cover all the medical bills for the kids (which he pays NONE of) AND all the household bills. My child support goes into the bank that the mortgage comes out of, so it's just easier to do it that way.
I suppose I could use it to pay the medical bills and transfer my checks into the other bank, but really, tomatoes, tomahtoes.....

 

[EveWasFramed]

I think a good way to look at the kids thing for those guys who have questions about being involved with a single parent. Put yourself in the single mothers shoes. What if you had been blessed with a partner a children, and the partner was now not in the equation either due to death, abandonment or not fit. How would you like you and your children to be treated by a potential new partner?

+1

 

[EveWasFramed]

I am ok with guys choosing to reject me because of my kids. Helps me weed them out.

And that is exactly the correct position to take, in my opinion. Your kids are forever. A spouse or a BF may be temporary. I'd be wary of anyone who did not have your attitude, so 'thumbs up' for you.

I believe, in my heart of hearts, that if I was in love with someone, it would not matter how many kids the woman had because her life would be my life, and I would want to share in the things she felt most dear.

But that's just me. I admit to being more of a secret romantic. (Okay... not so secret anymore. lol)

+1

 

[EveWasFramed]

^ Does she live in a shoe??

Either that or has the last name Duggar.

Lolololol!

 

[Paraiyar]

I think a good way to look at the kids thing for those guys who have questions about being involved with a single parent. Put yourself in the single mothers shoes. What if you had been blessed with a partner a children, and the partner was now not in the equation either due to death, abandonment or not fit. How would you like you and your children to be treated by a potential new partner?

I think if I was a single parent I'd want someone who would value my children like they were their own.

Which is something I'm not interested in doing so I'd be straight up with them from the start.

 

[user 130057]

I'm not intimidated by the idea of a 'ready-made family' at all. If you rule out all the women who have children from a previous relationship, then as time moves on, you're going to be significantly limiting your options.

In my twenties, I would probably have found the prospect a little more off-putting...

 

[BadGuy]

I am ok with guys choosing to reject me because of my kids. Helps me weed them out.

Yes, I feel the same.

Unfortunately I think some women decide to put a guy before their children

 

[TheRealCallie]

I am ok with guys choosing to reject me because of my kids. Helps me weed them out.

Yes, I feel the same.

Unfortunately I think some women decide to put a guy before their children

Yes, I know a few of those....