Questions for the Women

[michael2]

OK, I've had some recent experience of women appearing to 'hate' me when Im around them. Complete strangers. Usually checkout clerks at a gas station or store. Basically they'll be smiling and friendly to the customer ahead of me, and when its my turn they refuse to make eye contact and suddenly get a stone stern/annoyed look on their face and they act very cold and professional.

Its happened too many times now for me to write it off as a coincidence.

Why do women do this to some guys? Do they hate me or are they just telling me 'dont event think about it'?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Perhaps the people in front of you were regulars that they've come to know so they are more familiar with them than they would be to you. Who knows, but it's unlikely something you are doing.

Unless, of course you smell or are subconciously giving them death glares.

 

[michael2]

I think there might be something wrong with my facial expressions and I dont even know it. So I'll be more conscience of that. Its weird because my sister said I have a 'sad, but inviting' look on my face all the time

 

[MissLonely79]

I am a woman and I have dealt with the same thing as you. I don't think it's a gender thing. If it is, than I'm clueless as to what it could be.

 

[Serephina]

I think we sometimes give off vibes and we don't even know it. I have social anxiety which I have had to overcome but part of that was me over analysing situations and reading more in to it than there actually was and coming up with some bizarre reasons why everything had to be something that I had done,when in actual fact it probably had nothing to do with me at all.

I overcame it by just being around different groups of people and getting myself out there socialising a bit more,I realised the more I put myself in these situations,even though it was really difficult and awkward at first and thinking about possible reasons why people seemed quite off that had nothing to do with me,the more I relaxed,which changed my body language and I became more easier to get along with.

 

[Xpendable]

Can someone show me a video with this vibe everyone's talking about? And it has to be really subtle because we are dealing with subconscious stuff.

 

[michael2]

When a guy approaches you that you are not attracted to and its obvious he's interested in you, how does that make you feel?

Disgusted? Flattered even though you dont like him? Does he seem like a creep?

 

[Serenia]

Disgusted or creeped out no not at all. I would be flattered and friendly, but not try and give false hope by being friendly. It takes alot of courage to approach some you like, so I appreciate that.

 

[VanillaCreme]

When a guy approaches you that you are not attracted to and its obvious he's interested in you, how does that make you feel?

Disgusted?  Flattered even though you dont like him?  Does he seem like a creep?

Makes me confused as to why it happened. Secondary thought is being stunned. Then I question why. Then, the final emotion usually, annoyance if he doesn't leave me alone. I don't usually think the person is a creep, but it would be nice if some people learned when to leave folks alone. Flattering or not, I don't understand why someone would keep at it.

 

[wallflower79]

It makes me feel flattered, but also generally worried about having to turn him down later and him not taking it well.

 

[michael2]

The reason why I ask is because theres more going through my mind then just fear of rejection when approaching someone. Im also concerned about making her feel uncomfortable if she doesnt feel the same way, as well as making our professional relationship awkward afterwards. Theres also the concern of coming off as a creep or whatever. Rejection hurts and can take time to get over. But you will eventually get over it. Its the other stuff that really worries me because it can linger. Believe me I know.

After I had a bad incident I told my self I would only ever let someone know my feelings about them again if I were 90% sure they liked me that way in return.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Im also concerned about making her feel uncomfortable if she doesnt feel the same way, as well as making our professional relationship awkward afterwards.

That has to be agonizing - worrying if someone returns the feelings. If they do, then good, perhaps there can be something more. If not, life goes on.

 

[michael2]

Life goes on without much of a bump if you really arent invested in the person you approached. I didnt eat for 4 days after I was rejected. The pain was up there with what I felt after my sister died.

 

[TheRealCallie]

If you are concerned about it being awkward/uncomfortable, why not start by having some kind of event for more than just her? That way, it's not just her going and you can get a better understanding of how she reacts to you outside of work.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

The reason why I ask is because theres more going through my mind then just fear of rejection when approaching someone.  Im also concerned about making her feel uncomfortable if she doesnt feel the same way, as well as making our professional relationship awkward afterwards.  Theres also the concern of coming off as a creep or whatever.  Rejection hurts and can take time to get over.  But you will eventually get over it.  Its the other stuff that really worries me because it can linger.  Believe me I know.

After I had a bad incident I told my self I would only ever let someone know my feelings about them again if I were 90% sure they liked me that way in return.

I highlighted the point of concern.

 

[DarkSelene]

Michael, if you know this person enough you'll probably be able to predict how she'll react towards your advances regardless if it's good or bad. Even if you don't know exactly what her feelings are, I'd assume that you can sense if she's going to throw a fit, make things awkward or just accept that you got interested a bit and be honest with you. Every woman will feel differently, and her feelings for you will also change the outcome a lot, I can see how difficult it is for guys -- but try to observe patterns in her way of behaving. If you have more confidence that even if she rejects you she won't make a scene or be creeped out, it'll be easier to open up. I think that observing the way she acts around her colleagues and the way she talks about personal issues/comments on other's personal issues will say a lot about that.

Answering the question: I'm quite ok with people trying to open up to me that way, and even if I'm not interested I'd try to be friendly enough so they won't feel weird or hurt later on. It's quite the leap and I respect the courage a lot.

 

[ardour]

Not a woman obviously, but just go ahead and ask her out. She’ll guess the context, say yes or no and there you have your answer.
Opportunities don’t arise very often and you can’t be worried about making someone mildly uncomfortable or a worst case scenario result of every decision. Assuming you accept her ‘no’ and if she still makes an issue out of it, then that would be her problem.

 

[DarkSelene]

Wow, that's so nonchalant of you, Ardour. Nice!

 

[tdi200]

Quick Question for ladies just be honest as this will save allot of time and energy for myself as well,

ok here are my qualities,
turning 29 in December
no kids
education: High School
warehouse worker & part time security guard
over 50k in debt
lives with my mother, grandmother and 2 siblings (i am the only bread earner and running the house paying all the bills and stuff)

for last 3 years i have been talking to this 30 years old and is ready for a relationship that leads to marriage she got one daughter that is 8 years old and she teaches/train special need kids in high school kids father is not in their life at all besides child supports keeps coming.

do you ladies think i am the right guy for her besides she does not know about the debt i have but knows my living situation and how i take care of family at home. i am not financially capable of moving out from home and start a new life and leaving my widow mother and siblings on the side as i do not want to waste her time while she is even ready to have another baby due to her age and told me she wants to get pregnant before she get too old. and i told her i am not ready to become a father yet and agreed with me and she been in birthcontrol for last 3 years (and yes we do get intimate whenever i am with her) and yes she has a place of her own

My family has no clue about her i haven't told anybody while her entire family knows about me, i am coming from middle eastern family who are strictly about arranged marriage and stuff and my family is very old school

ok ladies i need an honest opinion about me and if you will ever date person like me or what you ladies think about me

 

[kamya]

You pay the bills and support everyone. What is your family going to do? Disown you and lose the gravy train?