Quit looking for someone

[tusk]

Hi, I think I might be addicted to dating. I think it's getting me burnt out, especially from the online variant. I keep checking my profile all the time when I'm at home and it's just not creative.
I wish I could give up looking for a relationship so I could focus on happiness in other areas, but there are so many things in a relationship that I want. Things I know what they feel like and I want them back.
The obsession is causing non-interest in other things, like taking care of the apartment and meeting people. I do that, and other stuff, of course -- but there are so many more things I could do if I could just give up the thought about girls. I need the passion and energy I had when I was in a relationship, when I didn't have to feel bad because I was single. I was content.
When I see couples kissing, I get sad and angry. Especially if the girl is attractive to me, but not if they're my friends.
I want to branch out. I want to do things because I want to do them for me, not so that I can become more interesting in other people's eyes.
I really want to give up online dating, but it feels like it's the only way for me. I'm afraid I might not find someone that likes me unless I go hunting on the Internet.
If only I didn't get any responses on those pages, I could give it up. Now they keep dragging me back.

 

[gnome3]

Very interesting, yet common. Some people have had success in finding someone through online dating. Still many others seem to have a hard time with it. Many gamers out there. Some are looking for that "perfect" person - Perfect in every way. Still others are in a relationship, but are looking for something better. People become addicted with the "shopping" (hence the saying, "It's not the kill, but the thrill of the chase"). I have personally surfed the internet dating sites, and know of many who have as well. I did actually go on a vacation with someone I met on a dating site. It really never went anywhere after that.
I eventually grew tired of seeing the same people on the site day after day without anything happening, and finally gave up on the internet dating idea. I found that I have much more success meeting people (namely women) if I am working in an environment where many people frequent (re: stores, casinos, etc.). If I am able to meet them personally. Who knows? I am dating an ex co-worker at the present.

 

[tusk]

Thanks for your reply! The twist to my situation is that I've managed to meet quite a bit of women from the Internet, and it has led to places. If it wasn't for the Internet, I think I'd be in a worse position. Or maybe I'd eventually have to face the RL instead and possibly be feeling better now.
And work.. I'm in the department with the smallest population of women at the whole company (and it's a large company). There has never been many women around, and I'm not a gamer so there's no cool sub-culture for me to tap into.
May I ask, did you ever feel obsessed with seeking out new girls, or checking your mailbox?

 

[Unwanted94]

Ah... I am SO glad I am not like this. I am like...the exact opposite. I barely have a a sexual desire at all - for anyone or anything. I'm pretty content with solo sex (aka masturbation) because it's convenient and more 'safe'. Plus, I rarely do it anyway. When I do, it's only to kill 'the mood'. I bring this up because from what I see, everyone just wants sex these days.
I'm probably an asexual creature, but regardless, I still observe and keep and open-mind. I think you just may be lonely and bored,which probably equals to sexual lust and desperation...

 

[Tiina63]

I do internet dating and often find it depressing. The same people crop up on site after site. Still, I think that it is a useful tool to use to look for someone, but only as long as you keep up with other activities as well. And definitely do things which YOU find interesting, and don't worry if they make you interesting or not in someone else's eyes. Would you really want to do things just incase they might interest others, whilst you yourself find those activities boring? Maybe you could go to niche dating sites for people who share a particular hobby?

 

[aribeth]

Ya I do internet dating too. Seems to be the same old fish in the pond now. I'm not into long distance relationships so I keep my searches local when possible. Made a few friends on it mostly. Had 2 relationships a couple of years back. But ya, mostly the same guys having their pics up mostly. Running out of options for making new friends or a relationship. I don't entertain the ones who want only sex.

 

[dannyr22]

I gave up on online dating as I am just poor at describing myself & useless at taking good photos of myself

If you can get somewhere then good but try to visit them a little less as they tend to become an addiction

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I have addictive personallities.
I can get addicted to almost anything.
I dont do on line stuff anymore. I grew out of it.

I still struggles sometimes even when I get involved in a relationship.
Im kindda addicted to that person or in love with love. She becomes like
the perfect drug for me. it's like a major rush and a half.
Im all or nothing. When Im in a relationship..Im totally in.

When Im single. it starts out slowly as any of my addictions.
The next thing i know...there's women coming out of wood works
and making themselves avaliable to me. The thrill of the hunt
or just knowing I still attrack good looking women.
It rubs my ego. The restless life style is kind of like a high.
But i rather do this than to get depressed.

I think it's just a phase Im going through.
Stop fighting myself and just go with the flow and let it play itself out.
It's not the end of the world or Im a bad person because I enjoy beautiful
women. Im single at the moment. These are cards Im delt with.
And Im playing them to best i know how.

Yes, sometimes i get bored or burned out of dating...So, i cant say
I'll be addicted to dating all my life.

I apply the same prinicple Ive learned in my recovery.
The more i tried to stopped...The more I used.lmao
So..I havnt been thinking there's anything morbidly wrong with me
or that i need theorapy.
I havnt been going out every other night chasing chicks like I used too a month ago...
I cant do the on line dating anymore...It's like taking bunk dope for me now.
For some reasons...there's no thrill, exictments or rush for me anymore meeting women on line.

The face to face interactions get my blood pumping.lmao
The feelings of fears, excitment and the kind of women I like.
They're rather wild, young and crazy...It's like a hydriline

Depression and living that life style can also be kind of an addiction.
I have to be very careful...
I've never done heroin...I hate downers or depressive dope.lol

Living a balance life hasnt been something I can maintain for a long period
of time.

 

[gnome3]

May I ask, did you ever feel obsessed with seeking out new girls, or checking your mailbox?

Yes, Tusk, I have. I've surfed the dating sites for hours & days on end. I might have quit frequenting the sites for months & months, and upon returning, there may be some new people, but there are many of the same people still there looking. Why is that, I wonder to myself. As Tiina63 pointed out, "The same people crop up on site after site".
So I start getting antsy, and start searching intently for something new, but I'm sure that the other guys on the site are doing the same thing. When I was new to a site, I seemed to get lots of views from the women there, but as the days pass, so do the views, and I become one of them - just another person who has been seen before.

Let me say that my ex-wife does fairly well on the dating sites. She's on there for about a month or so, and is in a relationship in no time. I've seen her do this several times, and is in the relationships for a while - say, up to a few years. She might have a unique advantage due to being from London, and living in the United States. She has that nice, British accent which is different for most men.
I, personally try to avoid the dating sites now. If I were still single, I probably wouldn't be found on one, but make no mistake that I have been to several in the past, and didn't do very well. I am an average looking guy. I do have long hair, which could be a negative.

 

[Phaedron]

Why online dating will turn out bad:

You tend to meet someone many states away, or possibly halfway across the world, and connect with them and relate to them online. Then you make some plans together, go to their place for a while, and she comes back to yours for a while. Eventually, she winds up back at her place because she misses her family, but from then on it's secrecy, leading you on, lies, cheating, a realization that they won't want to leave again, etc. Thats the thing with trying to date someone more then a few miles away, one of you has to give up their life and everyone they interact with. While she is with you, she probably spends a lot of time on facebook too, and then you have to worry about secret messages and backup plans. Most women are never single. They stay with their man and secretly line up some backup options, or they hear from some guy they used to know who breaks free from a relationship. Then when they reach the challenging part of the relationship, and have someone else lined up for sure, thats when things fall apart. Guys do it too, if they are players. Casual online dating is even worse. You really want to spend tons of money on transportation for something that comes and goes like the wind? You pretty much have to stay local if thats the case.