random ranting

[Fvantom]

Am I not interesting? lately Ive been trying to make the effort to get out and talk to people, to try and make some new friends, but it never gets anywhere....even my friend who meets the same people as me at the same time gets way farther with them, and they just seem to not want to talk to me much....its really getting me down, Im losing a lot of confidence and hope....

Ive already lost my ability to enjoy life, I figure whats the point of living if you havent got any close friends to share it with, even playing music, which is my passion has become empty, I want to get out there and live but there doesnt seem to be anything that can make me happy, except for having friends.

Ive gotten to the point where even little things can send me spiraling into a brutal depression, often lasting all night and well into the next day, its usually going on facebook and hearing about love/close friendship that does it, its this crushing pain in my stomach that wont go away no matter what I do.

The way I see it theres only two viewpoints, at least the two that I can think of...one, most the people around me are just a bunch of ******** and the "friends" they have arent real, and two, majority of the people that get me down are great people with real friends and theres something wrong with me, I try to think its the former but I cant help to keep thinking Im the problem.

I was brought up to hate myself, my parents put me down at every little mistake I made, I was bullied brutally for years, my whole childhood I truly believed I was sub-human, below everyone else, as a kid nobody ever took me seriously, that sucked all the fun and liveliness out of me, whenever I try to be myself, Id either be bullied by classmates or put down by my parents.

Ive been trying so hard to fight these thoughts and feelings, but I never get much positive support, I just dont know what to think anymore, about myself, about anything....

 

[joejoeyjoseph]

Hey man. You can't set "make a friend" as a goal for the day or something like that. You just have to do the things you like to do and go to the places you like to visit and you'll meet people who will enjoy your presence. Give that a shot man you'll see!

When you have negative thoughts about yourself try to rationalize them and treat them like annoying people. Give the thoughts a face and tell them to back off, you'll get to them later, you have other things that are more important to do. My therapist told me that and it works for me.

Have fun with life man. Make it your *****.

 

[Fvantom]

but thats the problem, one of the effects of being alone for so long is that I cant just go out and do things by myself, especially if its the kind of things that people do with their friends, I always feel like the one lonely idiot whos just not good enough to have friends so he has to do everything alone

 

[Ak5]

I can completely relate.

Makes you feel like an idiot. But the thing is that you have to do it eventually.

 

[Fvantom]

theres other ways to meet people, Ive been trying to do that at school, theres some things you can do alone, like going to play airsoft, paintball, etc. and those sorts of things I can do (when I have money XD) but if you went bowling or to see a movie by yourself, that would be counterproductive, you wouldnt meet anyone that way because honestly most people would avoid the weird guy out there by himself.

 

[joejoeyjoseph]

We know the solutions to our own problems but we just can't do them. I'm in the same boat. I'm supposed to go outside, meet people and have a good time but I just can't get there because I'm too afraid. Life is so strange. I talked to a therapist yesterday and he said if I can't make progress to just enjoy where I'm at. Then I realized the problem is that I believe I haven't made any progress and that I'm disappointed because of that on top of the fact that I have no friends, etc. It feels like asking a rock to fly or something. It's just not in me to be social or anything like that I guess and I can either accept that, do something about it or dwell endlessly on my self-declared shortcomings. What can you do...

 

[Fvantom]

well you have to look at your long term progress...how social are you now compared to say 5-8 years ago?

when I was in 7th-8th grade, I couldnt talk to anyone, even when they talked to me Id draw a blank half the time and say something stupid the other half, I never approached people, I was even awkward talking to people on Myspace (back in my day, before we had Facebook XD)
Now I can actually talk to people, Im still shy as hell, but compared to how I used to be, Ive changed a lot, going from having to social skills of an autistic kid to actually being able to approach people in some ways is a huge improvement.