Roommate has boyfriend over too often, what do I do?

[Wrath]

I live in a two-bedroom apartment. I am male and my apartment-mate is a female. She has a boyfriend and invites him several times a week and sometimes he sleeps over. We are in separate rooms, and I usually don't hear anything that bothers me, however, the fact that he is over so often is a little frustrating, although I can't figure out exactly why. I like peace, and his presence just makes me uneasy. I'm not attracted to the girl at all, and I don't know either the girl nor her boyfriend that well because I just moved in two weeks ago.

Is it unreasonable of me to feel frustrated that she has her boyfriend over? And what should I do to ask the boyfriend to limit his coming to our apartment and still remain in good relations? Can I ask her to at least ask me if can come before he comes? Or, can I tell her that I'm not comfortable with having frequent guests?

Thanks,

Wrath

 

[Brian]

I dunno, man, sounds like she was there a while before you were? If so that could be a sticking point for negotiations.

Wait a week or two to cement your presence a little better, I'd say, then just kinda ask her... "Hey, what's the deal with your boyfriend? It might just be me but for some reason he makes me a little uneasy."

Or something.

 

[Kenny]

To the original poster:

What you are experiencing is a typical male response. You've put your finger right on the issue.

You don't want her. He doesn't bother you. Yet for some reason, his presence makes you feel uneasy. I'll tell you why. It's because several feet away from where you sleep he is pounding her ass into a submissive trance of sexual happiness.

Men are territorial. Of our places and our women. He is "coming into" both. He must be dealt with! Swiftly!

 

[SophiaGrace]

Actually, I feel this way when my mom's boyfriend comes over, and whenever tradepeople come to our house to fix something.

It's like they're in my space!! D;

 

[Mr. Sir]

This just sounds like jealousy man. I'm 98% sure you wouldn't feel this way if you had your own girlfriend.

 

[Kenny]

Wrath there is only one solution. You must bang this chick!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You're immature.... all I know is...if it was me Eventually she'll get my bedroom confused with her's...Thats the excuse she'll give me.lol Cuz the first fucken thing Im going to do is walk around in my shorts without a T-shirt. N I ma take showers with AXE body wash. Pharamone city.lol. Shes fucken done if she has me for a roomate. Eventually one of the bedroom is just going to be used as storage space.hahahahaa

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Oneday..shes going to call her BF..and say..I fucken hate you..dont come over...lose my number and fucken get over it.

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Then onenight after going out N partying with her Gfs...she ganna invite her Gfs to comeover for an after party... I ma wake up with her N her gf in my bed. LoL

 

[nerdygirl]

It could be the whole territorial/jealousy thing. If I was in that situation, it would just be the, "Grr, get out of my SPACE" thing. I don't even like it when my mother comes to visit me. The problem, though, is that I don't think there's really anything you can do unless he is there so much that he might as well be living there.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I garantee you..if she has female friends visiting more often..you wouldnt be complaing...

Its only been 2 weeks dude.
Maybe she invite female friends over and intruduce you to them...
So dont be tripping...learn to break bread with poeple.

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Rather seeing her BF as an enemy why not just be freind him.. He might know more friends or have females friends
that he'll introduce you to..

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Imo..the only reason why u feel inteminated by him is becuz u want a piece of her...in the back of ur mind somewhere...shes still a woman and its natural for you to feel that..but you just gatta work through it .
If youll simoly admit it..then youll get beyound it. ...
the opportunities of her or him introducing you to their freinds.
These are something you might consider or look at the situation from a differnt perceptive.

 

[VanillaCreme]

You've only been there a short time. I'm sure she was inviting him over before you moved in. Did you know she was inviting him over a lot? Because to be fair, it is her home too, and she's allowed to have guests. It's not right of you to just ask her to stop inviting him over. If you really can't stand it, move out.

 

[Kenny]

^ and THIS my friends is why half of the cases on Judge Judy and Judge Joe Brown are roommate disputes.

 

[Sci-Fi]

This is why I don't, won't and would never have a roommate. I wouldn't want a roommate up in my honeysuckle or not knowing who I'm living with. Next thing you know they can't pay their half of the rent, eating your food, not cleaning up after themselves...all kinds of annoying crap.

There is nothing you can do but go shut yourself in your room, like Vanilla said, if she was there before you and having him over then you just have to put up with it. Invite one of your friends over. At least you can't hear them banging uglies.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I would not say it is weird for you to be frustrated. However, such is one of the downsides to having a roommate. One way to deal with it is to befriend them. If they are your friends then you won't mind as much. Another way, use it as motivation to get out and meet females. Personally I think that you are sexually frustrated. Get rid of that frustration and you will be better.

If you confront her she will likely say tough beans... it will make the remainder of the lease unpleasant. Probably because she might be keeping quiet out of consideration for you. I know when my friend forced his way into my ex and my time. I made sure we were never considerate at night.

 

[VanillaCreme]

^ and THIS my friends is why half of the cases on Judge Judy and Judge Joe Brown are roommate disputes.

He didn't have to move in. And him moving in doesn't mean that she's not allowed to have guests. It's her home too. He doesn't like it, leave. Not like you've been there for years.

Plus, that's not a dire situation that causes him danger.

 

[raimey]

I go with the majority on this one.

My roommate and I have been best friends for years and it bugs me a lot when her boyfriend sleeps over. My frustration with being left out or pushed to the backburner in our friendship is reasonable.

Still... I won't be having this discussion with her. If I were in a relationship, I'm sure I'd behave the same way.

So if long time best friends can't work out this situation, I would't recomment practical strangers trying to.