saying 'no' to a friend?

[user15010]

I met someone, a friend, but now I'm afraid that I'm expected to give more than I can or want to. Should I say 'no' risking losing a friendship?

 

[Callie]

Not if they're actually your friend.
Now, if they're only using you for what you can do for them, then yeah, you'll probably lose that "friendship," but if that's why they are sticking around, is it really worth it?

 

[paulo]

if giving more than you can would actually hurt you or put you in some kind of trubble or if its something you just really dont want to do, than you shouldnt.
explain that to a real friend and they will understand, if they dont than there was no real friendship to begin with.

if your just a little lazy and dont wanne go a little further to help out. that youre not being a verry good friend yourself.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Why is it that you feel you are expected to give more then you feel you can or want too?

 

[jjam]

PLEASE SAY NO instead of leading on! Please!

Here's how you can do it, for example. If your friend wants to hang out with you but you're really not interested at that time, you can say "hey, I know it's going to sound like I'm not interested in hanging out with you, but I can assure you I am... just not at this time. Please allow me to get back to you about that when the time is good for me."


What's being asked of you that you're not prepared to give?

 

[user15010]

Thanks for replies! I think I should say 'no' in this particular situation, but I'm afraid of loosing someone I like and enjoy in conversations. I'm not sure if I can afford to be picky.

The whole thing is about physical intimacy. I'm quite convinced that I've been clear enough stating my personal limits from the very beginning, but some less comfortable topics still recur. I enjoy talking to this person on most subjects, but some make me feel intimidated. I'm confused.

 

[Felix]

You could suggest, in a sutile yet clear way, that you want only a friendship. Perhaps a comment like "we're such good friends" or "you are like my big/little brother", something like that, so you save both the ackward moment of rejection.

 

[user15010]

Oh guys, you've helped a lot! I know that I didn't provide you with details, and it's so hard to advise, but still, your general remarks seem to be what I needed. Thank you all

 

[Ak5]

Here's some of my advice:

Say no, if that person is really a friend; they'll understand why.

Good luck!