Seeking relantionship advice.

[ayuchii]

Well , i never had any interests for girls when i was 18 or so. I had a little social anxiety then and going through the "playbook" of dating seemed a drag for me.

But one day, i go out as a wingman of sorts for one of my "x-friend" and the girl he was meeting took a liking to me. And in a way "forced" me to become her boyfriend.

Were together now for 5 years + . She is mostly like me . We get along fine, but we often sink into depression together.

- We have no friends, of any sorts. I had but lost them and so did she, Some of her male friends just wanted to be with her and tried to take her to the sea, camping etc .Without ME of course and they also repetitively stated she should break up with me and hang with them.

She had a hard time breaking up those ties, cause she always wondered what it would be like to have a "gang" to hang out with and do stuff. So she chose to stay with me instead of having some new rich bf with allot of connections.

Now every time she screams cause she is lonely and bored, i cant help of thinking it is my fault.

In the first years of our relationship, i had a small social circle that we used to do stuff with, but jealousy, drugs, abuse , torn those ties to shreds.

We have money just barely to get by from month to month . We cannot afford trips and so on to have fun . Our only option of fun is to stay and watch something or play on PC.

After she comes from work she doesn't want to go out and seek some activity, so just walking around in a park is not a option.

While writing this i forgot the main reason of this thread . What can i do ? To make our lives together better ? More fun ? More alive ....
As much as i though about it , money makes the world go round. So without it , you are dead in more ways than one.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Well I despise money and how it becomes a problem in relationships etc. Well, try not to let it. It's not worth it.

I'm sorry that things aren't seeming so bright and cheery for you in your relationship. It's a long time, you two are together for, my first relationship lasted that long and because it didn't go well and crashed, kinda felt like 5 years of my life was just wasted (yet not really cos I learned a lot from it, but you get what I mean).

What does she like doing if she doesn't like taking walks around the park? Maybe you can do things you both enjoy doing together.. or even do something different maybe, just to break out of a mundane routine. It does not have to cost anything.

It is also good to have a balance between each other, other friendships and personal alone time. (Of course, each other, should come priority most times) I'm not sure if this applies to everyone, but I personally think that if one component is lacking, it kinda disrupts the harmony or something. There's a better word for this but I honestly cannot think of it.

 

[Moe'sTavern]

I'd like to know how she "forced" you to be her boyfriend? Sounds like it could be an interesting story.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'd like to know how she "forced" you to be her boyfriend? Sounds like it could be an interesting story.

Yeah, now that you mention it... ayuchii, did you not want to be with her?

 

[ayuchii]

first of all - i don't know how to quote replies .. silly me ^_^

I give her alone time, but then she gets more depressed . Sometimes i think the alone time is just for me helping, as originally i am a loner . like to take long walk alone through the rain and all that.
Her likes are a few , she didn't discover her passion so to say . She just labels herself as having no talent in anything and quits , but i am not one to judge cause i am in the same boat.
So besides video games , watching stuff, talking , we got no activities. We played tennis for a while and it was pretty fun but we don't have where and the equipment to continue.

So , the forcing . I knew her from the net. We ware originally friends and she started giving me signs as wanting to be with me . She then asked me to meet with her and she forced a kiss onto me. I didn't take no action before cause seriously i didn't want the hustle of having some one in my life at the moment.
So after the kiss, we started talking (i was already red as a cartoon/anime character) and at the end of the walk she told me something like " what am i to you now that i kissed you ? " . To not break her heart cause she was a dear friend, i swallowed my anxiety and said "my girlfriend if that is what you wish" . I said in my mind that she just has a small crush , i know how it is , i had it also when i was in the 5-7th grade. So i decided to let it play out, when she sees the real me (boring, shallow etc ) the crush will slowly fade and she will break up with me. Weird enough , i also said this to her at a later date " i wont break off with you , cause i don't want to hurt you , so just dump me when you are bored ok ? ".
And here i am after 5 years . We had some ups and downs , but were still together. It was nice at beginning , we used to walk more, have more activity , but we slowly shut our selfs inside the house cause "going outside is a pain" and nothing to do.

Oh yea , we don't drink smoke do drugs . so already 3 social catalysts we don't indulge in.
The definition of "a good time" seems to go around those 3 vices, and because we didn't share them we lost a lot of friends.

 

[ladyforsaken]

........

I don't know what to say.

It's kinda sweet that you do that and all.. and knowing you are not exactly in love with her you are still so selfless... but then at the same time.. I'm not sure if it's a good thing? I mean, the relationship doesn't seem to be going anywhere.. don't you yearn for something more? Or to feel for the person you are with?

And how can she continue staying in a relationship with someone who doesn't feel the same way about her back? :\

 

[Phaedron]

When two people love each other, they see themselves within each other.
It can often be harder to see someone for who they really are, rather then what we want to see.
Similarly, if you no longer see yourself within your partner, then it is clear they don't love you.
The saddest situation is when they remain in you, but you do not remain in them.
What remains is merely the Illusion of them, wearing the mask of their false love.

To me it is unfathomable that true love could ever cease to be;
When love fails, it proves that it never truly existed to begin with.
It was never that they loved you, but that they fell in love with themselves within you.
They like how it makes them feel, and when it makes them feel bad, having no real love, they leave.

Love is a powerful drug. One may experience extreme potency with just one serving, or
one may seek the love of many, and thus become immune through abundance of tolerance.
When two people who are in love experience union, they are literally inside each others skin.
Looking back at the qualities of mother and father, they are us; we are them.
The love that was between those two people actually exists and takes on a life of it's own.
The child is that fusion of perfect union, where two become one, and eventually the two cease to exist.
Cast into death, we find that in the end man and woman don't exist; only the love between them will persist.