Seeming to be incurable

[Knight]

Many of you know my past, and that I've been battling depression, from severe depression to about half a year ago, I have started to really try to set out and cure, maybe just subdue my depression, and although things have gotten better it's still not enough. I thought that doing more exercise, going to class, and I got a seasonal job at UPS, I really thought that those things would help me, but all they do is just cover it up, my depression is still there, and it still hits me when I'm not doing anything to distract me.
A friend on here just said that she was recently diagnosed with "Dysthymia" (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/dysthymia/DS01111) which is a mild form of depression, I have mostly gotten over my deep depression, but some of it still lingers on. If you read on that page, I have all the symptoms except for the over eating. I try, I really do, I've tried doing things I once found joy in, things like video games, LEGOs, models, riding my bike, and some days I just don't have interest in them anymore, nothing seems to make me happy anymore. I thought that if I started going to school again that I would feel better, and I really don't. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't have friends in real life. If I'm not out at work, or at class, I'm sitting here in my lonely dark room, on the computer doing things, and chatting, or playing video games, but it's apathetic. I don't feel better, I wish I knew how to feel happy again. I don't think I can live my life like this anymore.

 

[LGH1288]

Knight -- It's very good that things have gotten better for you and I really admire everything you've been doing to keep moving in a positive direction. It's not easy being lonely but when it comes to loneliness you're not alone, right? You're so lucky that you get out and about in the world since, unlike being online, the outside world is where the flash of your sincere, friendly smile will attract people and perhaps lead to a friendship. LG

 

[Nospheratu]

heh... dont call yourself "seeming to be incurable" yet... try again in a couple years... on another note you bring me back some memories, i did enjoyed those many years ago, and i was almost addicted to lego...

other than that i can just tell you, good that you overcome the severe depresion, even if it still left some scars... just try not to give up yet...

 

[Naleena]

((((((((((((((((((Knight)))))))))))))))))))) You have really put forth an effort. Have you thought about seeing a doctor for your symptoms?

 

[dead]

knight, don't give up yet. you are going through a shitty phase in life. this part of life usually is. you don't have what you did once, and haven't found new things to enjoy yet.
i know it's lame, and i am sure people told you this already - but it does get better. really, there's a reason it's a cliche'.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

don't give up, mate.

 

[Phaedron]

yes, getting out helps with symptoms of depression, but is unlikely to treat the actual cause. Imagine how depressed we would be if we could live 100, 500, or a million years. I honestly think that we die, because at some point the only way to be happy is to inflict yourself with amnesia and a new life.

Change and inner work are your best teachers now. If you have no beliefs, maybe you should cultivate some, if you have too many beliefs, maybe you need to lose some or synthesize them into an understanding that isn't inherently conflicting. Numerology, Tarot, and Astrology are the three oracles you can turn to that will provide deep insight.

Bottomline, depression is a sign you are not where you need to be, not who you need to be, not doing what you need to be doing, etc, something is still not right, and no one else but you can decide what that is. Or if you believe it to be a chemical imbalance, then go order some drugs.

 

[Knight]

Thanks everyone.

I do take Trazadone.

Today I actually was outside my house the entire day. I went to the mall, bought a video game, got some Christmas cards, took myself out to eat, and went to see a movie. After the movie though, I felt like honeysuckle, I felt pathetic that I just spent an entire day outside my house alone. Nearly everyone I saw had at least one other person with them. An interesting thing happened though, I was leaving the restaurant and this girl was way ahead of me, and she actually held the door for me, and I said thank you and she said your welcome, she was cute too. I just don't get it. I thought doing this would make me feel better, but it really doesn't.

 

[Adrolak]

Have you ever watched "Alone in the wilderness"? Perhaps you should move up to alaska or canada in the woods, and build a cabin, and live there, you'll never be bored, and always busy, as proved by the documentary Alone in the Wilderness.