Self-esteem issues

[InsertNameHere]

This is a problem I have struggled with for years; all throughout my school years I was severed bullied and ridiculed for various different reasons. I have been out of highschool for a few years now(2009 I graduated?). however, the self-esteem issues have persisted. I also have very poor social skills and as a result it has been a real struggle for me to get and keep a job; this has contributed to further depression due to lack of finances. All these issues combined have greatly affected my self-esteem. I'm constantly putting myself down and getting demotivated, especially every time I get turned down from another job. I also take certain statements very personally and I tend to get hurt easily. Any suggestions as to how to fix these problems? I have received counselling in the past, but that was largely cut off once I graduated highschool.

 

[Mary Mary]

When you get a chance, go back to therapy.

In the mean time, keep a diary and express your thoughts here.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Mary's right. Keep a diary. Documenting my social experiences helped me learn how to act the part in life.

Also get to the gym, lift heavy, bulk and cut. Women will think you're good looking and treat you better, and other men will fear your strength and never bully you. I know that everyone on the forum will try and talk honeysuckle about my advice about hitting the weights, but there's really no other beneficial thing to do that improves your looks, strength, confidence, and self-security all the same time that's in YOUR CONTROL. It's probably the EASIEST way to improve all these fields of life.

Take therapy if you need to, but save some money for a gym membership. I will draft up a workout plan for you and send it via PM.

 

[Mary Mary]

Mary's right. Keep a diary. Documenting my social experiences helped me learn how to act the part in life.

Also get to the gym, lift heavy, bulk and cut. Women will think you're good looking and treat you better, and other men will fear your strength and never bully you. I know that everyone on the forum will try and talk honeysuckle about my advice about hitting the weights, but there's really no other beneficial thing to do that improves your looks, strength, confidence, and self-security all the same time that's in YOUR CONTROL. It's probably the EASIEST way to improve all these fields of life.

Take therapy if you need to, but save some money for a gym membership. I will draft up a workout plan for you and send it via PM.

I agree with Socrates. Physical fitness will do wonders. Martial arts is a great idea. Sometimes, you can take martial arts at a community center for free.

We do live in a stupid world, but it's just truth. If you look better, people will treat you better.

 

[LGH1288]

This is a problem I have struggled with for years; all throughout my school years I was severed bullied and ridiculed for various different reasons. I have been out of highschool for a few years now(2009 I graduated?). however, the self-esteem issues have persisted. I also have very poor social skills and as a result it has been a real struggle for me to get and keep a job; this has contributed to further depression due to lack of finances. All these issues combined have greatly affected my self-esteem. I'm constantly putting myself down and getting demotivated, especially every time I get turned down from another job. I also take certain statements very personally and I tend to get hurt easily. Any suggestions as to how to fix these problems? I have received counselling in the past, but that was largely cut off once I graduated highschool.

Hi INH -- How are you today? I was wondering what some of the "different reasons" were why you were bullied and ridiculed. What is your appearance? Was it your intellect? Something else? Your ALL nic reminds me of a song by "The Kinks" called "A Face In The Crowd". Some of the lyrics go "Am I just a face in the crowd, is that all I'll ever be? Don't want to be anyone that isn't really me!" So, I wonder about who "InsertNameHere" is. If you don't mind, would you share that with me? If you took a blank piece of paper and listed your plus and minus attributes would you be more proud of yourself and less disappointed with the net result of your personal inventory? Please don't be hard on yourself. LG

 

[InsertNameHere]

Mary's right. Keep a diary. Documenting my social experiences helped me learn how to act the part in life.

Also get to the gym, lift heavy, bulk and cut. Women will think you're good looking and treat you better, and other men will fear your strength and never bully you. I know that everyone on the forum will try and talk honeysuckle about my advice about hitting the weights, but there's really no other beneficial thing to do that improves your looks, strength, confidence, and self-security all the same time that's in YOUR CONTROL. It's probably the EASIEST way to improve all these fields of life.

Take therapy if you need to, but save some money for a gym membership. I will draft up a workout plan for you and send it via PM.

I like the gym idea, except that you got my gender wrong. xD

I'm a girl. lulz.

---

Hi INH -- How are you today? I was wondering what some of the "different reasons" were why you were bullied and ridiculed. What is your appearance? Was it your intellect? Something else? Your ALL nic reminds me of a song by "The Kinks" called "A Face In The Crowd". Some of the lyrics go "Am I just a face in the crowd, is that all I'll ever be? Don't want to be anyone that isn't really me!" So, I wonder about who "InsertNameHere" is. If you don't mind, would you share that with me? If you took a blank piece of paper and listed your plus and minus attributes would you be more proud of yourself and less disappointed with the net result of your personal inventory? Please don't be hard on yourself. LG

I'm alright I suppose. I suppose the username could have double meaning; it's supposed to be kind of witty, but at the same time I suppose it could represent that I feel like a nobody. As for being bullied and ridiculed, it's due to many factors.

When I was three years old I was attacked by a dog and it tore my face open, leaving a massive scar. For years I wasn't able to get any surgery on it since I was young and my face was still growing so it was really ugly and visible. I often got made fun of for that. I also have a speech impediment so, again, I was being made fun of. For the longest time this stuff built up and just made my self-esteem worse, especially between grades 6-8. At that point I was suicidal and had no self esteem so no longer cared about my personal appearance; I often went to school wearing dirty clothes and having body odour. Of course that contributed to being made fun of further.

In the beginning of grade 9 I moved to a new town(well actually an old town, I was just moving back after years away from there). I had a few friends there so things got slightly better and the school counsellors became supportive. I stopped crying out in class and began getting less suicidal thoughts, but the depression and lack of self-esteem was still there and still remains to this day. So that's my story extremely summed up. There's many other details I probably left out, but you get the gist.

 

[LGH1288]

Hi INH -- How are you today? I was wondering what some of the "different reasons" were why you were bullied and ridiculed. Was it your appearance? Was it your intellect? Something else? Your ALL nic reminds me of a song by "The Kinks" called "A Face In The Crowd". Some of the lyrics go "Am I just a face in the crowd, is that all I'll ever be? Don't want to be anyone that isn't really me!" So, I wonder about who "InsertNameHere" is. If you don't mind, would you share that with me? If you took a blank piece of paper and listed your plus and minus attributes would you be more proud of yourself and less disappointed with the net result of your personal inventory? Please don't be hard on yourself. LG

I'm alright I suppose. I suppose the username could have double meaning; it's supposed to be kind of witty, but at the same time I suppose it could represent that I feel like a nobody. As for being bullied and ridiculed, it's due to many factors.

When I was three years old I was attacked by a dog and it tore my face open, leaving a massive scar. For years I wasn't able to get any surgery on it since I was young and my face was still growing so it was really ugly and visible. I often got made fun of for that. I also have a speech impediment so, again, I was being made fun of. For the longest time this stuff built up and just made my self-esteem worse, especially between grades 6-8. At that point I was suicidal and had no self esteem so no longer cared about my personal appearance; I often went to school wearing dirty clothes and having body odour. Of course that contributed to being made fun of further.

In the beginning of grade 9 I moved to a new town(well actually an old town, I was just moving back after years away from there). I had a few friends there so things got slightly better and the school counsellors became supportive. I stopped crying out in class and began getting less suicidal thoughts, but the depression and lack of self-esteem was still there and still remains to this day. So that's my story extremely summed up. There's many other details I probably left out, but you get the gist.

I found an interesting website for you to read called Changing Faces. It is a support organization for people who've suffered from the same exact situation you've described. I urge you to please take a close look, read their stories, join their community. I don't know where you live but they're based in the UK. See what they have to say and how they can help you cope. Please let me know what you think after visiting their site, OK? LG

 

[Mr. Sir]

I never think of girls getting bullied but it's true. The way girls bully other girls can drive them to suicide. Like it gets psychopathic.

Of all the meatheads who ever dicked with me my entire life, there's only TWO that I still hate so much that I could never forgive. The rest I could bump into today and act like good ol' buddies with 'em.

The bullying that chicks do to other chicks seems to leave far deeper emotional scars than what dudes do to other dudes.

 

[Stephanie]

I never think of girls getting bullied but it's true. The way girls bully other girls can drive them to suicide. Like it gets psychopathic.

Of all the meatheads who ever dicked with me my entire life, there's only TWO that I still hate so much that I could never forgive. The rest I could bump into today and act like good ol' buddies with 'em.

The bullying that chicks do to other chicks seems to leave far deeper emotional scars than what dudes do to other dudes.

That's very true. I still suffer from some of those old emotional scars from bullying. Girls can be **** cruel.

 

[Mr. Sir]

I never think of girls getting bullied but it's true. The way girls bully other girls can drive them to suicide. Like it gets psychopathic.

Of all the meatheads who ever dicked with me my entire life, there's only TWO that I still hate so much that I could never forgive. The rest I could bump into today and act like good ol' buddies with 'em.

The bullying that chicks do to other chicks seems to leave far deeper emotional scars than what dudes do to other dudes.

That's very true. I still suffer from some of those old emotional scars from bullying. Girls can be **** cruel.

Yes, they were very cruel to me when I was ugly and weak and had Aspergers. I trust very few women as a result.

 

[Mary Mary]

I never think of girls getting bullied but it's true. The way girls bully other girls can drive them to suicide. Like it gets psychopathic.

Of all the meatheads who ever dicked with me my entire life, there's only TWO that I still hate so much that I could never forgive. The rest I could bump into today and act like good ol' buddies with 'em.

The bullying that chicks do to other chicks seems to leave far deeper emotional scars than what dudes do to other dudes.

That's very true. I still suffer from some of those old emotional scars from bullying. Girls can be **** cruel.

With boys, it just seems to be naked aggression. With girls, it's more like mess with you head kind of stuff.

I work at a power plant, and I have a guy pal that's a teacher; and we compare notes. My work life is much simpler.

When men act up at work, it's ego centric: they're trying to make themselves look good, get out of trouble, avoiding work, etc. With women, they're bad behavior is directed more outward: control issues, being indignant over someone not following the rules, holding grudges, forming alliances.

Even though I've seen exceptions to these rules, working in a group of men seems to be emotionally less complicated.

I do think that based on a study that I read and my experience, groups have the highest group intelligence level when there's a good mix of men and women.

 

[Mr. Sir]

^ What Mary said.

Which is why I wish that the Mods here would just turn the Lonely Guys over to me and let me advise them while they advise the women.

 

[NOAH_FX]

^ What Mary said.

Which is why I wish that the Mods here would just turn the Lonely Guys over to me and let me advise them while they advise the women.

If you had any good advice to give they might, however most of your adivce is so Jaded I have a hard time taking a thing you say seriously.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I completely disagree with the boy/girl bullying stereotypes mentioned, no offence to Mary or Soc you are completely entitled to your views. In high school and through my last job I was subjected to both physical and emotional bullying. Girls can be cruel, yes, usually not physical though I have witnessed girls physically bullying another girl so it does happen, and it was the most despicable thing I've even witnessed. Females do tend to lean towards emotional bullying since they tend to be the more emotional expressive of the sexes. But guys can be just as emotionally scaring as women can be. As guys we are taught to just bottle up our emotions and not let it show that it does effect us, but it does. If anyone still thinks women can be worse you should meet my old boss, he was manipulative, he loved to play head games with his employees, and he enjoyed it so much he would sit and laugh and brag about it.

Walk through a high school, listen to what some of the guys say to other guys and then tell me who's more of an emotional bully. When guys pick on another guy they just don't try to pick a fight, they'll pick on your size, sexuality, disability, whatever they can and those are both physically and emotionally scaring. I was not a big guy in high school, I got picked up and tossed around like a football, hung by my ankles in a stairwell, grabbed by the arms or legs to point out how skinny I was, called all sorts of harmful derogatory names, and sometimes by guys I didn't even know. Sorry to rant about this but I've been there and I'd say the sexes are equal when it comes to bullying. One is not worse than the other at either.

 

[VanillaCreme]

^ What Mary said.

Which is why I wish that the Mods here would just turn the Lonely Guys over to me and let me advise them while they advise the women.

If you had any good advice to give they might, however most of your adivce is so Jaded I have a hard time taking a thing you say seriously.

I couldn't have said it better myself, Noah. I'm sorry, but I would never listen to your advice, Socrates, so I'd never point anyone else your way. Not every problem or issue requires a gym membership, and your ideas on how people are in general are rubbish, imo.

Besides, we don't "turn people over" as the members here aren't cattle or hookers, and if they haven't paid attention to you by now, they probably never will. It's up to them if they listen to you. Not us.

Besides that, not all mods are women... Minus is a man, brah.

 

[Mary Mary]

I completely disagree with the boy/girl bullying stereotypes mentioned, no offence to Mary or Soc you are completely entitled to your views. In high school and through my last job I was subjected to both physical and emotional bullying. Girls can be cruel, yes, usually not physical though I have witnessed girls physically bullying another girl so it does happen, and it was the most despicable thing I've even witnessed. Females do tend to lean towards emotional bullying since they tend to be the more emotional expressive of the sexes. But guys can be just as emotionally scaring as women can be. As guys we are taught to just bottle up our emotions and not let it show that it does effect us, but it does. If anyone still thinks women can be worse you should meet my old boss, he was manipulative, he loved to play head games with his employees, and he enjoyed it so much he would sit and laugh and brag about it.

Walk through a high school, listen to what some of the guys say to other guys and then tell me who's more of an emotional bully. When guys pick on another guy they just don't try to pick a fight, they'll pick on your size, sexuality, disability, whatever they can and those are both physically and emotionally scaring. I was not a big guy in high school, I got picked up and tossed around like a football, hung by my ankles in a stairwell, grabbed by the arms or legs to point out how skinny I was, called all sorts of harmful derogatory names, and sometimes by guys I didn't even know. Sorry to rant about this but I've been there and I'd say the sexes are equal when it comes to bullying. One is not worse than the other at either.

You were physically assaulted. Were charges filed against these boys? Have you gotten counseling for this? What happened to you was beyond the occasional taunting that I saw when I was in school. Are things different now at school for kids?

 

[Mr. Sir]

I completely disagree with the boy/girl bullying stereotypes mentioned, no offence to Mary or Soc you are completely entitled to your views. In high school and through my last job I was subjected to both physical and emotional bullying. Girls can be cruel, yes, usually not physical though I have witnessed girls physically bullying another girl so it does happen, and it was the most despicable thing I've even witnessed. Females do tend to lean towards emotional bullying since they tend to be the more emotional expressive of the sexes. But guys can be just as emotionally scaring as women can be. As guys we are taught to just bottle up our emotions and not let it show that it does effect us, but it does. If anyone still thinks women can be worse you should meet my old boss, he was manipulative, he loved to play head games with his employees, and he enjoyed it so much he would sit and laugh and brag about it.

Walk through a high school, listen to what some of the guys say to other guys and then tell me who's more of an emotional bully. When guys pick on another guy they just don't try to pick a fight, they'll pick on your size, sexuality, disability, whatever they can and those are both physically and emotionally scaring. I was not a big guy in high school, I got picked up and tossed around like a football, hung by my ankles in a stairwell, grabbed by the arms or legs to point out how skinny I was, called all sorts of harmful derogatory names, and sometimes by guys I didn't even know. Sorry to rant about this but I've been there and I'd say the sexes are equal when it comes to bullying. One is not worse than the other at either.

Nah, I agree with this. I had alot of names called at me, mostly in middle school and freshman year of high school. It could definitely qualify as sexual harassment.

What I bolded in your statement happened to me as well.

 

[ChiCowboy]

Mary's right. Keep a diary. Documenting my social experiences helped me learn how to act the part in life.

Also get to the gym, lift heavy, bulk and cut. Women will think you're good looking and treat you better, and other men will fear your strength and never bully you. I know that everyone on the forum will try and talk honeysuckle about my advice about hitting the weights, but there's really no other beneficial thing to do that improves your looks, strength, confidence, and self-security all the same time that's in YOUR CONTROL. It's probably the EASIEST way to improve all these fields of life.

Take therapy if you need to, but save some money for a gym membership. I will draft up a workout plan for you and send it via PM.

I don't disagree with your advice on muscle building, but in my opinion, the biggest reward from weight lifting is in the satisfaction from successfully tackling a difficult and painful task. That's where the confidence comes from. Lifting weights isn't for everyone, however.

To InsertNameHere: Find something you enjoy and set a goal. I've lifted weights myself, but I've also climbed mountains, hiked miles and miles in the wilderness and I ride motorcycles. I never finished my college studies, but that's another goal you could set. Doing nothing makes one lethargic which can result in depression, and then you're caught in a vicious cycle.

I say this tongue in cheek, but get a Harley. Everything you've heard about women and Harleys is true!

To those who have been bullied: People continue to act like children long after they've left high school. Get used to it. You have to learn to ignore this type of bullshit. When you see an overweight person making fun of someone who's skinny, you know what that's all about, and it has nothing to do with the skinny person.