Self esteem

[Crux]

I haven't been here in a while. Hi.

I've been having problems with self esteem lately. I constantly worry about what other people will think of me, and I am incapable of dismissing the criticisms of people even if they are inaccurate or trivial. For example, I recently got in (what started as) a debate with someone. I had made a relatively small objection to a claim, but it was taken the wrong way, and quickly became an argument. The other person criticized my argument as if it were an immoral one (which it may have been, if the way they interpreted it were to be correct, but even then the response would've been too strong), replying to most of what I said with derisive comments, and encouraging others to join in as well.

Despite realizing that this person was essentially attacking a straw man (albeit not one that they created intentionally), resorting to ad hominem arguments, and overreacting even to their own straw man, I still feel bad about myself; the fact that so many people thought of me as an idiot and a jerk, makes me feel like an idiot and a jerk, even if I know/think that they did so incorrectly. I have an irrational doubt of the soundness and niceness of my position, as well as my aforementioned explanation for why it triggered such an unusually passionate response.

And this self doubt only causes more (not that I have much better self esteem when incidents like this don't occur); I find myself thinking about every other similar situation, every situation in the past in which I actually was wrong (about something), and scrutinizing every tiny action or statement that I make. I can't even create good reasons not to doubt or feel guilty about myself without doubting or feeling guilty about myself.

Note: The particular scenario presented is for example; I don't *just* want advice/feedback regarding that specific incident.

Edit: I've apparently failed to post this on the precisely correct category. Goes well with the theme, I suppose.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I'd say it fits here and can relate to your post and welcome back.

I got dragged into a confrontation with someone recently, the conversation was going just fine too until this person made an ignorant comment and started picking apart what I said putting words in my mouth. They started making accusations I never said, and when pointed out laughed about it. I don't know what she was trying to start but I was annoyed. I even proved what I was saying was correct too because she was trying to discredit me and dispute the conversation I was having with someone else. The whole thing that was the most annoying was her twisting things and creating an argument out of her false claims then started to bring things up that had nothing to do with what I was talking about.

It makes you not want to talk to anyone or get into any kind of discussion when you have trolls like that who enjoy stirring up crap for their own sick pleasure, to push peoples buttons. Those kind of people are best to put on an ignore list.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I think what you need to figure out is WHY you let the words of others affect you so much. Are you seeking their approval or even approval that you are allowed to have your own thoughts and feelings?

The thoughts of others don't really mean a **** thing in the end. What matters is what you and the people who care about you think, but mostly you. You can analyze what others say and situation until you're blue in the face, but what will it really accomplish? You tried to explain, but they wouldn't listen. Some people can't pull their heads out of their asses long enough to see or hear what's really there, because they don't want to. That's not your fault.

 

[dangol007]

Nice Article.I liked it.Thanks for sharing.



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