I have...
honeysuckle I already tried to commit sueicide.
I'm not really into mutilating my body...Not into that type of pain and suffering....
What i used to do is beat up on myself mentally and emotionally.
Only other physical thing I used to do is I self sabatage..bascailly i fresia up my life on purpose.
I used to abuse drugs on alchol on purpose. I put myself in harms way on purpose. crazy life style.
I actaully allow messed up people into myself...I knew they weren't too healthy
I knew it had dire consequences.
Mostly it was becuase i went through a divorced. I felt everything that lead up to my deviorced
and after my divorced was way...way out of my control. It wasn't my chioce and i don't belive it
was my ex-wf chioce. I belive her family and friend pressure her. I know her parents especifically
went out of their god **** ways to put a wedge between her and I.
I also belive that's why I'm very fixated with her...it's something the was unresolved in my life.
Chelle loves me very much. I've always known that she has. I also belive that's why there's been
so much healing between her and I. I belive if the chioces were left to us we both would chose to
love than rather to hate. That's what we're chosing today. I love her very much.
Anywho...it's about getting control back in my life...even if it was unhealthy...it had to be my chioce.
thAT's why I don't wanna be fixed...the more you wanna fix me..the more I wanna hurt myself.
Chelle is the same way...she dosn't want me to fix her.
Then after Jenni died...I felt that was way the fresia out of my control. i don't belive it was her chioce and it sure the fresia wasn't mine..
That's why I isolated myself. i knew it wasn't too healthy and hurting myself.
The only thing I hung on to was to not drink and use drugs no matter what....that's was something I felt i have control over.
It was totally narely to process Jenni's death clean and sober never the less.
My sponsor was kind of surprized but not shock....generally recoverying addicts blow their fucken brains out when they isolate clean and sober.lol
I'm not your typical addict ya know...I ma fucken special.lmaO
I guess Mikie wants to come out and play now...after he sitted in his own honeysuckle for a while..Ouch!!!