Sexual Frustration...

[zeneida]

I'm a girl and I think the problem you guys have exist in Western culture only. The 'I feel like a noob because she's had more sex than me' or whatever is not a common issue her. I'm from Asia, 27, a virgin and never had a bf. Now, we have 3 kinds of guys here:

1.) guys who sleep casually and get around a lot
- they obviously don't have a problem with promiscuity, it doesn't bother their conscience. When they do get married, they have mistresses and '*******' children abound, sorry but it's a reflection of Philippine society.

2.) guys who have premarital sex but never casually
- the only thing that would trouble these guys is if they were a girl's first time and the relationship goes awry since it has to do with her honor and whatnot. If she's had more experience than him (which is rare), then she'd be grateful that a decent guy came by her way.

3.) guys who wait until they get married
- the only problem they have is trying to find a girl they like to marry them but plenty get married early here (20s that is)

All these talk about the problem with experience and quantity is not that big of an issue here but guy's and girl's who are promiscuous here are looked down upon. So, be happy, at least you're gentlemen and romantics even! I'm not saying that you should find an Asian chic OK, because other Asian dudes don't like that (premarital sex), perhaps American Asians will be fine.

Wow 27? Makes me wanna cry for you lol.

Don't cry fro me Presence as most of us here are virgins, if you're going to cry, cry for all Asians.

 

[zeneida]

In the US there is big pressure for a guy to "perform" and be really good at a young age, so if you aren't that makes it a lot harder to get some b/c you keep putting it off. Girls here want experienced guys and they tend to have a radar for that. So the guys who have experience early end up getting all the action, while the "nerdy" guys end up getting it late in life or not at all...pushing them farther and farther away from opportunities. In Asia people have sex just as much but its on the DL and you wouldn't think people are promiscuous because they are good at making themselves look innocent and studious. The fact that people are so open about it in America makes it harder to get some if you're inexperienced.

I guess that's what we don't have here, the 'pressure', also I never heard of performance being an issue for Filipino guys. Personally, I prefer guys who are inexperienced, virgins are always better in my book.

 

[zeneida]

I think it's wonderful that you're waiting for marriage zeneida. I'm waiting too and I'm much older than you. We'll have happier long lasting marriages because of it.


What an insulting thing to say Presence.

Thank you Almond, I believe in relationships more than anything, sex is a secondary issue really in support of relationships. Besides, in my country, sex always plays second fiddle to relationships so most of us are not into premarital sex to begin with.

 

[Almond]

Apply this for my book too. A virgin who approaches me has always gotten top preference over a guy who has had sex.

Personally, I prefer guys who are inexperienced, virgins are always better in my book.

 

[Almond]

You're so very lucky to live in a society like that. I'm American and here it's just awful. Everything seems to always be about sex and there's no substance to any of it.

Besides, in my country, sex always plays second fiddle to relationships so most of us are not into premarital sex to begin with.

 

[jales]

i wish less and more emphsis was placed on sex if that makes any sense.

Ideally it would be GREAT if our culture was still a non sex b4 marriage one. But at the sametime, it's a stress relieving thing....we sometimes need it.. n economically it's not always that easy to get married..at a young age. We are animals.. we need sex from maybe an age of about 22. And when so much pressure is put on repressing sex things like 'incestual rape' and so on may tend to increase. Of course western culture may put more pressure on sex than asian.. cause it's every where you turn here..

but like i said.. i wish it wasn't such a big deal.. as in i wish you'll didn't judge people by 'youre good in my book if you are a virgin' but at the same time I would be nice if people respected it in a way that meant it was more than just a pleasure thing...but something closely linked to commitment and relationships..

but the whole world shudnt think alike, lol n who cares what i wish.. lol. oka good luck to both of you'll in marriage.. you're hubbies ll be lucky men!

 

[sweetviki]

I think there is too much importance placed on sex these days. If you're serious about a person it shouldnt matter weather they have had sex with lots of people or if they are virgin. The problem here is that sex is made into this incredibly important thing in a persons life when it shouldnt be at all. There is no wrong or right here, everyone is different and some people are only comfortible waiting until mariage while others are ok with having sex after a few dates and I think thats ok. Everyone seems to say that relationships are more important yet make such a big deal about weather someones experienced or not or how many partners they had. Bottom line is: It shouldnt matter and if someone says that its not the sex that is important but the relationhsip yet judge someone if they are a virgin or not is hypocritical. The only important thing should be about sex is being smart and being safe and everything else should not be worried or stressed about because thats what compicates the relationships, not the sex itself but the attitudes that people have about it. I'm not saying sex cant be a sacret thing between two people it can be but when its placed on this pedastool in a relationship and in society as well then it shifts the focus from more important things. Sex is sex, its part of life, be smart, safe and if you wait or not its up to you but dont judge others if they made a different choice. I just wish people thought more like that.

 

[Colette]

Am I the only person here who believes that sex and intimacy is a perfectly natural and healthy part of life and that it should not be moralized or demoralized by people?

Waiting...

 

[NewBirth]

but the whole world shudnt think alike

& thankfully doesnt... what a boring world it would b

you're hubbies ll be lucky men!

true

 

[lonelyloser]

Am I the only person here who believes that sex and intimacy is a perfectly natural and healthy part of life and that it should not be moralized or demoralized by people?

Waiting...

We were put on this planet to reproduce, so it should be the #1 most important thing. Everything else is BS.

 

[Colette]

Am I the only person here who believes that sex and intimacy is a perfectly natural and healthy part of life and that it should not be moralized or demoralized by people?

Waiting...

We were put on this planet to reproduce, so it should be the #1 most important thing. Everything else is BS.

Evidentally the breeders have done a great job.

 

[zeneida]

I think there is too much importance placed on sex these days. If you're serious about a person it shouldnt matter weather they have had sex with lots of people or if they are virgin. The problem here is that sex is made into this incredibly important thing in a persons life when it shouldnt be at all. There is no wrong or right here, everyone is different and some people are only comfortible waiting until mariage while others are ok with having sex after a few dates and I think thats ok. Everyone seems to say that relationships are more important yet make such a big deal about weather someones experienced or not or how many partners they had. Bottom line is: It shouldnt matter and if someone says that its not the sex that is important but the relationhsip yet judge someone if they are a virgin or not is hypocritical. The only important thing should be about sex is being smart and being safe and everything else should not be worried or stressed about because thats what compicates the relationships, not the sex itself but the attitudes that people have about it. I'm not saying sex cant be a sacret thing between two people it can be but when its placed on this pedastool in a relationship and in society as well then it shifts the focus from more important things. Sex is sex, its part of life, be smart, safe and if you wait or not its up to you but dont judge others if they made a different choice. I just wish people thought more like that.

I understand what you're saying sweet. I'm not saying I'm completely biased against non-virgins when meeting someone but think about it, how exactly can you tell if someone is promiscuous? - If they bragged about their sexual history and a long tirade on how they broke many a girl's heart. Also, people who have had so many partners usually have different priorities as opposed to mine, they prefer sex more than anything else. If that is the case, you can be assured they'll be pressuring you as hell to be more intimate with them before you're ready.

All Almond and I are saying that we prefer someone who is not so sexually experienced.

 

[zeneida]

Am I the only person here who believes that sex and intimacy is a perfectly natural and healthy part of life and that it should not be moralized or demoralized by people?

Waiting...

We were put on this planet to reproduce, so it should be the #1 most important thing. Everything else is BS.

Who is moralizing it or demoralizing it? It's funny, if someone is waiting for marriage, everything becomes an issue for the more sexually active people or non-Asians.

We were put on this planet to reproduce is right but we are also put here to nurture our offsprings. Part of waiting is finding that special someone you can rely on, someone who will be a good husband or father. How is that BS? Besides, given the world's current population, do we really need to multiply so drastically without any family planning whatsoever? Another thing, we are talking about dating, finding a bf/gf, let's not jump the gun about kids ok? I think we're getting way ahead of ourselves.

I don't understand why being a virgin and not practicing premarital sex is such a big issue for you guys. More than half the world's population lives in a culture that promotes this belief, where's the respect for our differences? Western culture is not the be all and end all. There are many cultures that have contributed significantly to how we live and I like it as well as Western culture. Please don't moralize or demoralize one culture over another.

 

[sweetviki]

I think there is too much importance placed on sex these days. If you're serious about a person it shouldnt matter weather they have had sex with lots of people or if they are virgin. The problem here is that sex is made into this incredibly important thing in a persons life when it shouldnt be at all. There is no wrong or right here, everyone is different and some people are only comfortible waiting until mariage while others are ok with having sex after a few dates and I think thats ok. Everyone seems to say that relationships are more important yet make such a big deal about weather someones experienced or not or how many partners they had. Bottom line is: It shouldnt matter and if someone says that its not the sex that is important but the relationhsip yet judge someone if they are a virgin or not is hypocritical. The only important thing should be about sex is being smart and being safe and everything else should not be worried or stressed about because thats what compicates the relationships, not the sex itself but the attitudes that people have about it. I'm not saying sex cant be a sacret thing between two people it can be but when its placed on this pedastool in a relationship and in society as well then it shifts the focus from more important things. Sex is sex, its part of life, be smart, safe and if you wait or not its up to you but dont judge others if they made a different choice. I just wish people thought more like that.

I understand what you're saying sweet. I'm not saying I'm completely biased against non-virgins when meeting someone but think about it, how exactly can you tell if someone is promiscuous? - If they bragged about their sexual history and a long tirade on how they broke many a girl's heart. Also, people who have had so many partners usually have different priorities as opposed to mine, they prefer sex more than anything else. If that is the case, you can be assured they'll be pressuring you as hell to be more intimate with them before you're ready.

All Almond and I are saying that we prefer someone who is not so sexually experienced.

Not neccessarily. Not everyone brags about their sexual past if they are experienced but sometimes in a relationship that conversation comes up and thats how you find out. The funny thing is its that sometimes the ones that dont get laid that much try to brag in order to compensate or cover theri own isecurities As far as pressure, if they care enough about you they will have the respect for you and will not pressure you no matter how many sexual partner they have had and if the sex was really important to them then they most likely will not go out with someone that cant satisfy them and if they do and try to pressure theri partner into it then its not about the relationship but about using someone. Ofcourse someone that has had more sexual partners will more liekely to pressure you but it all comes down to this : If someone is pressuring you its not about their sexual history but about the kind of inividual that they are and their maturity level when it comes to sex.

 

[zeneida]

You're so very lucky to live in a society like that. I'm American and here it's just awful. Everything seems to always be about sex and there's no substance to any of it.

Besides, in my country, sex always plays second fiddle to relationships so most of us are not into premarital sex to begin with.

Well, there are nice things about it and awful things as well. I guess, this is a sort of reminder that all cultures have both a positive and a negative aspect to them. Although there is more emphasis on familial/fraternal/romantic relationships, there is still much focus on sex. Why, our local newspapers can attest to that.

 

[zeneida]

I think there is too much importance placed on sex these days. If you're serious about a person it shouldnt matter weather they have had sex with lots of people or if they are virgin. The problem here is that sex is made into this incredibly important thing in a persons life when it shouldnt be at all. There is no wrong or right here, everyone is different and some people are only comfortible waiting until mariage while others are ok with having sex after a few dates and I think thats ok. Everyone seems to say that relationships are more important yet make such a big deal about weather someones experienced or not or how many partners they had. Bottom line is: It shouldnt matter and if someone says that its not the sex that is important but the relationhsip yet judge someone if they are a virgin or not is hypocritical. The only important thing should be about sex is being smart and being safe and everything else should not be worried or stressed about because thats what compicates the relationships, not the sex itself but the attitudes that people have about it. I'm not saying sex cant be a sacret thing between two people it can be but when its placed on this pedastool in a relationship and in society as well then it shifts the focus from more important things. Sex is sex, its part of life, be smart, safe and if you wait or not its up to you but dont judge others if they made a different choice. I just wish people thought more like that.

I understand what you're saying sweet. I'm not saying I'm completely biased against non-virgins when meeting someone but think about it, how exactly can you tell if someone is promiscuous? - If they bragged about their sexual history and a long tirade on how they broke many a girl's heart. Also, people who have had so many partners usually have different priorities as opposed to mine, they prefer sex more than anything else. If that is the case, you can be assured they'll be pressuring you as hell to be more intimate with them before you're ready.

All Almond and I are saying that we prefer someone who is not so sexually experienced.

Not neccessarily. Not everyone brags about their sexual past if they are experienced but sometimes in a relationship that conversation comes up and thats how you find out. The funny thing is its that sometimes the ones that dont get laid that much try to brag in order to compensate or cover theri own isecurities As far as pressure, if they care enough about you they will have the respect for you and will not pressure you no matter how many sexual partner they have had and if the sex was really important to them then they most likely will not go out with someone that cant satisfy them and if they do and try to pressure theri partner into it then its not about the relationship but about using someone. Ofcourse someone that has had more sexual partners will more liekely to pressure you but it all comes down to this : If someone is pressuring you its not about their sexual history but about the kind of inividual that they are and their maturity level when it comes to sex.

I guess we just come from different societies the, here the only one who would pressure you is someone who is/wants to be sexually promiscuous (either that is their goal or that is what they have achieved), it is a reflection of Philippine society. Like I said, relationships have more emphasis here, a guy may be sexually active but never casually as that is a reflection of our society, there is no pressure to perform as there never was that issue to begin with. Also, the promiscuous guys are the types who would be more than willing to have 3 gfs at the same time and having mistresses on the side, they may not even see the fault in that. It is a reflection of a very negative aspect of our society so one must be careful whom to trust. Sometimes, these guys come off very nice and sweet but after much conversation, you'll begin to unravel who they really are.

I've met numerous guys who seem at first glance to be genuinely decent fellows, perhaps they are mellow throughout but later on you find out that they hold a different stance on loyalty and faithfulness than you. I am part of Filipino society, much of my values I share with the general masses but much of it is a reflection of my family's beliefs as well. We (my family and I) don't think kindly of adultery whereas Philippine culture or the general masses hold a very different opinion to ours.

 

[Almond]

Yes I can agree with what you're saying. I also think most cultures world wide are being or trying to be forced to be westernized. As if it's working so well here.

Well, there are nice things about it and awful things as well. I guess, this is a sort of reminder that all cultures have both a positive and a negative aspect to them. Although there is more emphasis on familial/fraternal/romantic relationships, there is still much focus on sex. Why, our local newspapers can attest to that

I love how you said this. Sometimes I think that the more promiscious portion of Western culture is insecure. Since all I ever see is those types of people attempting to push their beliefs on the more conservative minded groupings of society by claiming their views are somehow based on nature or what should be.

More than half the world's population lives in a culture that promotes this belief, where's the respect for our differences? Western culture is not the be all and end all.

 

[Colette]

Yes I can agree with what you're saying. I also think most cultures world wide are being or trying to be forced to be westernized. As if it's working so well here.

Well, there are nice things about it and awful things as well. I guess, this is a sort of reminder that all cultures have both a positive and a negative aspect to them. Although there is more emphasis on familial/fraternal/romantic relationships, there is still much focus on sex. Why, our local newspapers can attest to that

I love how you said this. Sometimes I think that the more promiscious portion of Western culture is insecure. Since all I ever see is those types of people attempting to push their beliefs on the more conservative minded groupings of society by claiming their views are somehow based on nature or what should be.

More than half the world's population lives in a culture that promotes this belief, where's the respect for our differences? Western culture is not the be all and end all.

I wish Dr. Kinsey were alive to hear you speak like this.

 

[zeneida]

Yes I can agree with what you're saying. I also think most cultures world wide are being or trying to be forced to be westernized. As if it's working so well here.

Well, there are nice things about it and awful things as well. I guess, this is a sort of reminder that all cultures have both a positive and a negative aspect to them. Although there is more emphasis on familial/fraternal/romantic relationships, there is still much focus on sex. Why, our local newspapers can attest to that

I love how you said this. Sometimes I think that the more promiscious portion of Western culture is insecure. Since all I ever see is those types of people attempting to push their beliefs on the more conservative minded groupings of society by claiming their views are somehow based on nature or what should be.

More than half the world's population lives in a culture that promotes this belief, where's the respect for our differences? Western culture is not the be all and end all.

I like you Almond, I think we have a lot in common. There is much about Western culture I admire most especially the number of amazing creative works you guys have given the world. It is frustrating however when other cultures or beliefs (like mine) are not respected by the West. More than half a century ago, the West called people who were less rigid with there sexuality 'savages', 'barbarians', 'uncivilized' or 'heathens', now that many of them have changed their tune, they decide to dictate that those who are more conservative sexually are 'barbaric' 'savage' or 'uncivilized'. *sigh* Can't we just leave others alone and be happy with ourselves? Let's not dictate or force our beliefs on others.

Perhaps we can pm each other?

 

[Almond]

I like you too zeneida and I was thinking the same things when I replied to your last post.

Your words here are poignant I think.

More than half a century ago, the West called people who were less rigid with there sexuality 'savages', 'barbarians', 'uncivilized' or 'heathens', now that many of them have changed their tune, they decide to dictate that those who are more conservative sexually are 'barbaric' 'savage' or 'uncivilized'. *sigh*

I think we should definitely PM each other.