She's Back...need some advice, plz.

[J-Free]

I've roamed thru my travels feeling deaf dumb and blind...lonely. She didn't start it, but she was the catalyst for a lot of my recent behavior: After I lost her I punished myself. I had problems connecting emotionally to...everyone..my mom, sister, friends, her...everyone. I never got jealous. I never took her out... But I loved her. And she loved me.

Then ended the 5 year (4year 10month) relationship with her...Seven. Years. Ago. She was my wife (gf), future for a better tomorrow. I was her knight, her laughter, her spirit. Her Husband (bf). And together we were complete.

We separated when things got stale. I was 17 she was 18. She felt she needed a new man and carried on way sooner than I every even considered it. She asked me back a few times, but I had already began my travels. There was no place for her with at that time. About six months later she was pregnant. Later that year she was gone.

I was more lonely after that. I closed up tighter, I rationalized more about how independent I am of the known world. I separate myself from society, television, everyone, keeping only people I feel are significant in my travels (I'm military, btw). I made myself function differently than the world and now I feel I cannot get back my normalcy. I'm failing school (college), I'm losing my talented edge (drawing), as well as my confidence that I'll fully regain what I've lost over the years.

....but now she's back.

Her husband (different guy than B4) is divorcing her because he hates being second best to me, even though I havent heard from her in years. We've been talking again for a month mow...my she's very much the same...and so am I on many levels...except for the social and emotional ones.

So she wants to make it work with me again. Her and her two children (second from the husband) and they're BOTH (her and the husband) are wondering how, when, and IF I'm going to take her back. This is the love of my life. The girl of my past present and future. She's asking for my help....and I'm asking for advice.

I'm 24, no kids, never married (barely even had GFs since her) and lonely. I know I can handle her and kids. I love kids so thats not the issue...I just want to hear some other people's opinion besides my own.

 

[Badjedidude]

Yours is a terribly complex situation...and therefore requires a horrendously complex answer...one which I don't have the time to give right now. So I'll try to keep it as concise as possible.

Give it a try, expecting failure. Don't just feet first into this. She may seem the same, but things maye have changed deep within her that could cause problems for you. Also, despite what you think now, you may have changed and you might realize that she's not what you need anymore. We tend to idolize the things we don't have...and we also tend to remember only the good things about those we have previously loved...so be careful of that.

Like I said....there's no harm in giving it a try. Just do it slowly and be ready in case it all fizzles out and doesn't work after all.

----Steve

 

[packyourbags]

Hey J-Free.

my advice is to to try and think whether you want her back now because you are lonely, or you really do still feel the same love for her.

i guess that what can happen is you deciding to try and make it work with her, and then finding out that you don't feel the same, and breaking up, putting both of you, and the kids through yet another break up.

the fact that you are wondering about it, and are asking for advice tells me that you are not completely sure about it, and i would try and maybe write down everything that you are hoping for - and everything you are afraid of - and try and see whether things will work out.

i think that the most important thing i can say to you right now is - don't let anyone influence your decision. think for yourself, since you are the one that is going to have to live with the results.

best of luck, and i hope that things will work out, and do update on what happens.

sorry for the somewhat erratic reply.

shade.

 

[Garry]

The last two post were much the same as my thoughts

you will never know unless you try

if you dont try you will never know

if you do try and it doesnt work out then you will be able to move on ( it will hurt ) but that is part of life

I have a friend that I went to school with -- we are still good friends -- but every time I think of her -- I wonder -- what if we had played our cards different--

Now I will never know --- but at least we are still friends

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Chelle is my ex-wf btw...
We got married at a very young age. She's bascailly the love my life.
As other had stated, I have to make my own decision. This in itself is very healthy for me.

I love Chelle very,very much. She loves me just the same.
At least we can talk and be friends today. I'm still very much in love with her...
I'm always take a chance with her. It's a risk I'm willing to take. i don't regret my decision. No one to blame...including myself.
We're working on our relationship. There was alot of hatered, pains, jealousy, mistrust that lead to our divorce.
We both needed to heal from it. We both needed it.

 

[Ithought]

Well it is depends on what you want to do but if you don’t know what to do.
What will you advise to your friend who has the same situation?

 

[J-Free]

Thanks for the advice guys. I really do appreciate the feedback. Lately its been settling in my mind that about this time next year I may be a step-father...and I may actually like it, hehe. I feel its not a bad decision, and you're right, it also may not be perfect, but I'm not really afraid of experiencing it. I'm open to the event and I'm welcoming it. I can handle it and better yet i think i can afford it, haha.

I was never really second guessing the situation...it was just a NEW situation that I've never encountered and sometimes its best to hear someone elses voice in your head instead of your own, ya know? So thank you guys very much for your valued opinions. I'm new to this site and I'm glad I stumbled upon it. Really.

JF

 

[Badjedidude]

Thanks for including us in your thought process. Don't hesitate to share more with us, should you ever feel the need.

----Steve