Should I just cut ties with my friend?

[astraea]

I posted a thread not too long ago about losing my friend to her boyfriend. Well as of today we haven't hung out in a month and I finally let her know that I missed her. If we haven't hung out in awhile she usually agrees and we set up a date to hang out, well today her response was just "yeah". I asked if she wanted to hang out soon and she said whenever everything is settled. I don't know what that meant but I didn't question it. Whenever she was single, I wouldn't go a week without hearing from her asking if she wanted to hang out. I have other friends I talk to, but I really miss her a lot. We have a lot in common. Too much in common actually. Other things have been bothering me too recently and when I try to talk to her about them she ends up saying she has to go to bed or she gets busy all of a sudden. Should I just try to move on?

Also, I kind of feel like she thinks she's the only person I talk to now and it entertains her. Awhile back when she was kind of unhappy and had a bad bf she would tell me she got jealous whenever I hung out with other friends and thought I would find someone better. Well now that a lot of my good friends have moved away I feel like she's trying to get back at me or something. Even though I wasn't trying to hurt her feelings by hanging out with others. It sounds silly I know.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm sorry, I can understand how you must be feeling right now. I'd say you should move on, in terms of just go ahead and do whatever you want, make new friends, reconnect with the old, just not to put too much focus on her. It seems that she's not too bothered about hanging out with you right now, so be it. True colours of a real friend will eventually show and you'll then know exactly what to do, so if she is just going to want you at her convenience, you'll realise this, or maybe you already have. Go find your other friends. Let her live her life how she wants it. You do the same for yourself. *hug*

 

[wolvesjr]

Sorry you're having to go through that. It's never fun. I'd have to agree with what LadyF has been saying. Go live your life. You've been the only one putting effort in so now it's time to put that in her court. You've done all you can at this point so follow LadyF's advice and make new friends or reconnect with old ones. If she eventually reaches back out to you then go from there, otherwise what have you really lost?

 

[lifestream]

Ditto to what ladyforsaken and wolvesjr have said. If you're finding that you have to make all the effort and she's unwilling to make even the tiniest one, perhaps you should just leave her alone for awhile. You'll find as the two of you get older, you'll have less and less in common, anyway. Who knows, after a few months, when she's lonely or desperate enough, she might swallow her pride and come back and admit that maybe she hasn't been a worthy friend to you and things will improve.

In the meantime, do your own thing. People like her can only drag you down if you let them.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Perhaps you should break ties because it just doesn't seem like a healthy relationship to have. A friendship shouldn't be a toxic relationship. Jealousy in a friendship is ridiculous in my opinion, because both of you can have anyone for a friend that you wish. Friendship is not about "finding someone better" ... It's about relating to someone, finding a common ground that a friendship can stand on and last on. When someone refers to "finding someone better" in a simple friendship, I tend to think there's more to it than a simple friendship bond.

 

[SophiaGrace]

even the tiniest one,

Friendships and all relationships should have most positives to them than negatives.

It sounds like this relationship is far in the red.

 

[Obsidian]

I have to wonder if the relationship is failing in part due to your jealousy and resentment towards the boyfriend? You may not like him but thats not your job. Unless you know for sure he is cheating on your friend, you need to ignore his flirting, it really could be harmless.

Instead of dumping your friend, have you tried to invite her and the boyfriend out? Its possible this guy could be in her life for the long run and you should make a attempt to get to know him. Even if he is a complete tool, try to tolerate him for your friends sake.

Another option is to just drop by her house sometime when he isn't around. Bring coffee or some cupcakes (or other goody the friend likes). Don't bring up your hurt feelings, instead smile and share your goodies then leave after 20 minutes or so. Your friend could be feeling really confused right now, take some of the pressure off her while letting her know you still care.

 

[astraea]

Thank you for the answers. I'm just going to give her some space.

It's more like I'm upset that she seems to only want to hang out when she has no bf there for her. It's just not a good feeling.

 

[lifestream]

I'm so sorry, astraea. I completely sympathise. :/

If you continue on like this with her, putting yourself out there and just getting nothing back, it will only leave you feeling even worse. You seem like a good person, you deserve to have people in your life who actually appreciate your friendship. From what you've posted about this girl, in this thread and on others, she has a long way to go before she can give you that level of commitment.