Should I just get on a train and leave my old life?

[bob1234592]

Hello,

I'm 19 and in my 2nd semester of my 2nd yeat at University, about to go onto placement (after the next semester - if i can find one). During my first year I got into a relationship with a girl who I thought I'd be with forever, we had everything planned until we moved in together for our second year, it's still complicated but we're no longer together.

I've had the semester from hell, because of how me and my Ex got together I lost all my friends, I've had to submit an application for my last semesters work (allowing me to redo a lot of it), I've also been prescribed medication for depression by the doctor.

I feel like life's out of control, I've lost interest in my course and I just want a fresh start.

I'm tempted to pack up my bags and move to a different county for the next year and a half then submit an application to different universities once the process reopens.

My question is....Has anyone ever just "packed up" and taken control of their life in a similar situation as the above?

I own a business so financially I'm stable enough to do the above while I find a job to cover me for the time between changing universities/courses.

Any thoughts/advice?

This isn't just a normal case of "im bored", In my first year I got extremely high grades, but it's gotten to the point now where even my parents have suggested maybe it's best to start fresh somewhere else, the problem is I'm still in love with the one I'd be leaving behind.

 

[Lost Drifter]

My question is....Has anyone ever just "packed up" and taken control of their life in a similar situation as the above?

Well it’s certainly possible, at 18 I left college after my courses had finished, walked into town and signed up with the International Red Cross. Four days later I was on a plane to South America with nothing but the clothes on my back and peanuts in my bank account and didn’t return "home" for another ten years. Best decision I ever made.

You sound burned out so taking a gap year would make sense at this point though I’d ask how far are you prepared to go. Are you going to move away and chill out or are you going to use the time to learn a new skill or work in a new field? More to the point are you sure you can do it? I’m not doubting you but I’ve seen many a traveller want to pack up and go home once the excitement wears off, some don’t even last a week and it causes a lot of needless trouble.

Have a think about what you want from this new start, think about who and what you are leaving behind, make sure you’re solving problems and not just avoiding them.

 

[bob1234592]

wow, what a story...

The problem is, when I joined university I met my now Ex-girlfriend when she was in a relationship with a friend, now as a friend myself I helped her to get out of the abusive relationship (mentally not physical I must add)...I never planned on us getting together but after a few weeks it happened and through it I lost every friend I knew at University....She's now started getting close to her "ex" again and has began rebuilding some of her friendship groups that she lost (that were once mine)

I'm no longer accepted in those groups and don't think I can face another 20 weeks of fighting for her while I have to watch her get closer to someone else, she'l be devastated if I do leave as she still tells me she loves me and not to give up...but I can't do it anymore, it's killing me...quite literally.

If I chose to move away it wouldn't be to "relax", it would be to get a job, earn some money, further my independence and more than anything try to somehow realise I can live without the one i love, she means the world to me and If I could go back 2 months when thing were perfect even just for a hour i'd pay the world to do it, but she's never going to stop loving this other "guy" and I'm not sure I can mentally handle another 20 weeks without ending up in a nut house...It got to the point last semester where I was having panic attacks and self harm.

I just need a break, but I'm scared of leaving and living with the fact "she may have come back to me".

As an added note I still live with this girl...as you can imagine it's hard at times but we still do "couple" things together, but I find it hard to control myself when I hear her talking on the phone to another man and finishing the conversation with "love you".

Does that make sense?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

LIFE IS FULL OF CHALLENGES.
NO MATTER WHRRE YOU GO
OR WHERE YOU MOVE..YOU'LL
BE FACE WITH CHALLENGES
WEATHER IT BE THE SAME TYPE
OF CHALLENGES OR DIFFERENT
CHALLENGES.

YES, IVE PACK MY BAGS PLENTY.

---

You're challenge is your love for
This woman and the relationship thats effecting
Your well being which is
effecting other areas of your
Life.

I have simular challenges.
Ive made decisions and have
My own experience.

---

I also know..I MUST TAKE CARE
OF MYSELF FIRST. MY WELL BEING.

TODAY, AT THIS MOMENT.
I CHOOSE TO BE WITH HER.

---

We HAVE DIFFERENT CHALLENGES
AND SOME SAME ONES.

Somedays are better than others.

I LOVE HER VERY MUCH.
SHE LOVES ME VERY MUCH.

---

Ive packed my bags to go towards someone and away from someone.

No matter where I GO..THERE I AM.

---

What had given peace...
ITS MY DECISION. ITS MY CHOICE.

NO MATTER WHAT ADVICE, COINSLING,
OR OPINIONS ANYONE HAD GIVEN ME.

I DON'T BLAME HER.
I DONT BLAME MYSELF.
I DON'T BLAME ANYONE OR ANYTHING.
MY DECISION I CHOOSE TO MAKE.

 

[Lost Drifter]

There are two issues at hand here; the girl and you wanting to leave; they’re related but I don’t think that fixing one is necessarily going to fix the other. To keep things a little simpler to digest let’s separate them for now.

I’m going to be blunt here and suggest this girl was never committed to you in the first place. You provided help when she needed to escape her ex-partner; you’re providing a place for her to live; she’s saying that she loves another person and has gone back to her old set of friends. I’m no relationship expert and hopefully someone with more knowledge will come along and respond to that side of things but from what I’ve read alarm bells are telling me that she saw you as a quick fix but is going back to her old habits. Again though, I’m sure someone else on here can give better advice on that.

As for wanting to leave, well it sounds like you could do with some time to de-clutter your life, gather your thoughts and reassess what matters to you. I’m not surprised if you’re feeling burnt out after what you’ve been through with this girl and if the whole thing has caused you to have panic attacks and start self harm then you need to put yourself first and walk away. No one is worth that, the fact that you consider it a fight indicates that its going against your better judgement.

Be honest with yourself, and cut out the dreaming and bullshit, do you honestly see a future with this girl that doesn’t involve a constant struggle to keep her focussed on you? You’re a young man with a whole life in front of you, don’t go making irrational decisions based on things which don’t exist. If you want to leave then do it for you and you alone, no-one else.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

IVE ALSO DONE THE ILL SHOW YOU ***** AND BITCHES.
SOMETIMES IT WORKS FOR. OTHER TIMES
IT WORKED AGAINSY ME....

WHEN EVERYTHINH GOSE THROUGH THE WASH.
WEATHRR I LIVE WITH HER OR NOT.
SHe's layinh by my side at the moment.

MY HAPPINESS IS ENTIRELY ON ME.

 

[bob1234592]

Thank you for your replies.

It's got to be the biggest decision I've ever made, I'll be standing on my own two feet, ye, I've come to University alone but straight into a secured student house, not an entirely new life which I'm completely responsible for.

I really don't know what to do, a part of me is saying just go, but another doesn't know if I can do it and not regret it in the future because of the one I still love so much. :'(

@Lonesome Crow - I'm really really sorry and I'm very grateful but I'm struggling to understand your replies/riddles. - however I do understand your last one and it's made me think x

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I basically go out with other women to get my woman
And other guys envious of me.
It telts the value meter.

Whats good for the goose
Is good for the gander.
EQUALITY...LOL.

My fiance listen to my vioce
Mail machine...
She reacted thinking it was some
Other woman calling me...
Until she relized it was herself calling me.lmao

The reaspn why she dose that is because
She witness other women come on to me.
l ive sent sent photos of myself with other
Women ,even within recent months...

She still questions me about other women.
Yet, she talks to other men.lmao

We all have feelings of jealousy.
Dont be so hard on ypirself.

 

[bob1234592]

I agree, I'm jealous but it's also the fact I feel life itself has gone out of control, I suppose my best option would be to return for my next semester, give it a month if it's still as bad then start a new life wherever I choose, at least then it'd give me chance to raise a bit more money and get my plans in place.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Maybe the woman your living with is kindda
Like me....

I lived with another woman for a couple of
Months then got back with my EX. (RENAE )

jenn totally flipped,out.
She was drvistated..JENNs
Decisoons was to stay the hell away from me.

---

RENAE is an attractive wpman with many fine
Quality and flaws.

Theres plenty of men that will want to
woo het from me. Several had already tried
Since we reunited.
Its a combination of Renae knowing plenty
of neb will kiss her ass because millionair
Had offer het the world.
Plus shes still at some level angery at me.

Somewhere alone the line she has to committ
To me....

Yes, sometimes i feel like packing my bags

---

In a lot of ways i understand what your going through.

Getting boxed out by other mens bullshit and the sfupid
games..

---

I remain with Renae becuase i love her.
I know what its like to live without her.
I have to anseer this on my own.

RENAE also told me to have patients
With her as she wotks through or learn
Whatever she needs to grasp.
She loves me very much and had
Made me promises not to leave her.

I must remain level headed through
All of this. I love Renae very much.

 

[LMP]

Can you tell us more? perhaps the background of all this?

 

[Winterlong]

My question is....Has anyone ever just "packed up" and taken control of their life in a similar situation as the above?

Me.
I moved from america to europe leaving absolutely everything behind.
One way ticket. knowing no one.

it ain't easy if that's what you want to know. I didn't had a choice.

 

[Bones]

I would suggest getting out a piece of paper and WRITE out the advantages and disadvantages for packing your bags and leaving your old life behind.

From there, I would WRITE out the reasons for wanting to pack your bags and leave your old life behind.


Go back to the advantages and disadvantages and assign a value - Likert Scale - from one to five for each of the reasons.

Also, you might want to weight each advantage and disadvantage by a percentage value totally a hundred percent after adding all of it up.


After going through the exercise, I would ascertain where you assigned the highest values and percentages and look for a pattern.


While I have no idea how it would turn out for you, I would still bet the pattern favors you wanting to continue a relationship with this person, looking for a way for her to come back to you (through financial pressure), and you wanting to run away from the situation temporary.


But once again, that is only a guess and you would have to evaluate it objectively with yourself - a friend (or someone in the forum) could help in this area as well to ensure the values were assigned objectively.


Please Note: I have used this method many times in my life for relationships, finding the best value for a product that I want, etc. Normally, I found in a situation like this my emotions overruled logic and could have put my life goals in serious jeopardy. Relationships are not worth messing up your life for a long time; since in six months from now, you will probably have a totally different viewpoint and say: WTF was I thinking?

 

[bob1234592]

thank you for your replies.

@Bones that's a really good idea, I suppose inside if I moved away I'd still someway think she'd miss me and want me back...but maybe thats the wrong way of going about things...