Shutting down....

[Hope_Reigns]

Every day that passes, I keep trying to distract myself, try to find something good to grasp, find some goal to aim for.. none of it works for long, and works a shorter amount of time each time.

The last few days, I haven't posted, most of the time I don't want to talk..I don't want to feel, I don't want to think..everything is messed up.

My heart is still totally shattered, and totally sure he was the one..and sure it doesn't even matter cause I can't have it anyways.

Every day without him is like hell on earth, I've lost my best friend in the world, my one true love.. I will always love him, I will always miss him. I've had other relationships, I've loved before, I've never ever had this. Never had my heart, head and everything 100% positive before.

Without him I'm missing part of myself, I feel the pull constantly, feel him all around me no matter what I do. Last 2 days I feel nauseous most of the time.

I can survive without him, I have no choice, I do what's needed, I do what's required, I go about my empty pointless world doing things I could care less about without him to share it with. Everything feels empty and pointless. I will exist, but my life and happiness..is replaced by empty pain and loss.

I'm sorry I don't have my chin up, I've tried, and felt bad for it, and ..

Day by day I just shut down a little more..with the only feeling being this bleeding empty pit in my heart where he should be. Oddly he's still there too, which makes no sense at all.

Maybe I'm failing myself, maybe I'm failing you guys, but.. I just want my life back I just want my heart and soul hole again..I want my family so much, I want my best friend back..I want something to make a little sense. *wipes her eyes and makes herself shush again*

 

[Skorian]

I know how you feel

*HUG*

 

[Lonesome Crow]

(((((((((((((( Hope_Reigns)))))))))))))))

It's okay to feel what you feel.
It's okay to not want to feel.
It's okay that you can't stop thinking about it.
It's okay to cry
It's okay to hurt
It's okay to feel angery.
It's okay to lost hope
It's okay to not want to belive in love anymore
It's oaky to not to trust anymore

It's okay to grieve for your lost. You not only lost someone that you
love very much. You lost your hope and dreams.

I don't know how you feel but I kind of guessing I know what you
mean. I gone through a deviorced before, I've gone through a break up before.
Never did i ever felt as much love as i did for my ex-gf.
Never did i ever felt this way..I love her so much...i didn't know how
to stop loving her. Long term relationship break ups arn't easy.

For the first 90days after the break up...I felt like a lunatic.
The crazy emotional roller coasters..The never endless thoughts
of her. I was so torn up, I didn't know what to feel or think.
None of my thoughts made any sence.

I walked 6 miles in...I had to walk 6 miles out...
One step at a time, one day at a time.

I had to keep myself in a save space. I had to take
care of myself and love myself through all it. It wasn't easy.
I didn't make any major decisions. I didn't take everything too
seriously at those moments.
I was simply HURT...and nothing made sense other than that.
I had to keep it simple like that...and remind myself...I was hurt and
going through a healing process...and it dosn't happen overnite to heal.

I opt to embrace my pains...they come like waves.
Sometimes i wished i could just get over it....will...**** it , I can't just in a snap of a finger
or in 90days.

A little bit at a time..I allow myself to laugh.
A little bit at a time I allow myself to talk about what i was
feeling.
A little bit at a time I reach out.
A little bit at a time I wrote about everything.

I still think about her today...from time to time, but it's not
24/7. I try to focus on myself and work on myself.

I do my gratitude list
I do my positive thoughts list

 

[LonelyDragon]

OMG I know how you feel. I've felt for so long that I left something important - a major part of myself back in DFW all those years ago. I've been in relationships even since then, but none have been so deep for me. And I know none ever will. Otherwise I would never be able to try. How could I unless I admitted that I'll never find anything like that again. I have to tell myself that unless I settle for what I can find I'll be alone and even more miserable forever.

Maybe this isn't what you want to hear. And I'm sorry if that's the case. I'll be perfectly honest and tell you it isn't what I want to say or admit or feel either. It's just the way I am.