Shyness At College Sucks...:(

[camillemichelle]

I Googled "lonely at college" and found this lol.

I feel like my random spurts of loneliness emerge from my shyness, and with shyness comes fear, misconceptions, and alienation.
Up until college my shyness was never really a problem because I had a set group of friends always. And then my freshman year of college when those friends disappeared, I luckily ended up with a lovely roommate whom I enjoyed and spent a lot of time with.

Now I'm a sophomore (sophomore slump as they say) and my old roomie is living somewhere else (and is super busy now), and I have a new roommate who is decent, but who I don't really click with.

I generally have pretty good self esteem thanks to my mother and spiritual upbringing. But I feel like that only works at home. At college I'm constantly being bombarded with the fact that I'm no typical college student. I don't drink, thus x-ing out parties. I'm also shy so I come off as aloof and angry, when really I just want a friend. I feel like I need to be Facebook chatting, or texting, or going out somehwere to feel like I have a life. Otherwise, if I'm just sitting in my dorm (like now) I feel this overwhelming pity for myself. Yet at the same time, I know that I'm a homebody and that I feel most comfortable doing things on my own. I just feel like a loser and like I'm missing out, but I don't know exactly how to get "in"

Labor day weekend I'll be with my family, and then the weekend after I'm going to a concert with my old roommate, but that is pretty much it for the social stuff I have planned, and I feel VERY panicked to find things to do on the weekend or I may end up sulking and being depressed. And it's just stupid to have to panic over something like that, you know?

I am active on campus with organizations, so I have a social life as far as that goes. But those aren't really "friends" and I seem to be stumped at making relationships with those people last.

I would also like to have a boyfriend. I don't feel like I'm desperate (at least to the extent that girls are here), but I feel sad about it from time to time because I'm black and I go to a predominately white school, and although I've been told I'm very pretty, I can't help but feel like an ugly black dot in a sea of white people. It just gets me down sometimes that the guys I find attractive may not take a second glance at me if I'm not blond.

I'm not sure where this post is going. Maybe someone can understand and make me feel better, or tell me their experience.
I feel like I'm an awesome person to have as a friend (I'm a really good singer/songwriter, stylish dresser, really funny), and I wish I could walk around with a sign saying that so maybe people would stop overlooking me.

sigh....

 

[Badjedidude]

At college I'm constantly being bombarded with the fact that I'm no typical college student. I don't drink, thus x-ing out parties.

Actually, you are the typical student. Most college students aren't in college to party; they're there to work hard to obtain the degrees that they're paying for. It's only rich/spoiled brats who party and live the "wild, college" life. The rest of us are there for a REASON, as you are.

I'm also shy so I come off as aloof and angry, when really I just want a friend.

I'm the same way. I'm not very shy, but usually I am pretty quiet when I'm sitting alone or something, and people always mistake my silence for anger... when really I'm just being quiet. It's weird, but apparently that's the way people see things... so all I can do is maybe smile a bit more when I notice people looking at me.

And it's just stupid to have to panic over something like that, you know?

It's never stupid to feel what you feel about something. ^_^

I am active on campus with organizations, so I have a social life as far as that goes.

Awesome! They say that a large part of success in college life is being involved in activities... so even if you're having trouble making friendships with those that you're around, you're still at least surrounded by some people that you can interact with to some degree and perhaps rely on somewhat.

I would also like to have a boyfriend. I don't feel like I'm desperate (at least to the extent that girls are here), but I feel sad about it from time to time because I'm black and I go to a predominately white school, and although I've been told I'm very pretty, I can't help but feel like an ugly black dot in a sea of white people. It just gets me down sometimes that the guys I find attractive may not take a second glance at me if I'm not blond.

NEVER EVER EVER feel bad about who you are just because of your color. I guess it would be more difficult in certain areas of the world (or U.S.)... but don't let yourself fall into that mode of thinking that you're possibly deficient just because of a simple, inconsequential difference like that. *HUGS* Believe me, you'll find a guy who likes you exactly the way you are.

To be honest, I've only had a few close acquaintances through my college experience. I'm graduating in December 2010, and most of the time I've spent in my university has been working alone or spending time busting my ass on school work instead of doing the social scene. Just remember: There's no shame in focusing on education at this point in your life.

Sure, it's nice to have friends, but... the way I see it, my education was more important than being social. I hung out some of the time, yeah... and made the obligatory appearance at a few social functions, but for the most part I preferred to sneak through under the radar and just get my honeysuckle done with. *shrug*

I don't know if any of what I've said was of any help, but... feel free to PM me if you need or want to talk about anything, OK?

Just hang in there... you'll get through this.

 

[Chancy]

I read your post and I can tell you with absolute certainty that I feel the exact same way. BJD is right. Not everyone in college is like that. Those are just the people who you tend to see the most because all the people who are like you are not in the public scene. They are sitting in their dorm rooms too.

You shouldn't try to force yourself to be something you're not. From your post, you seem like a really nice person. Having the "typical" college experience just isn't for everyone. Plus, I don't believe there is anything to be gained from drinking yourself sick at parties no matter how much TV wants to glamorize it.

I wish I had more words of comfort. Just hang in there. College is a very transitional time and a lot of people are struggling through it as well.

 

[evanescencefan91]

DUDE!!! *COLLEGE SOPHMORE HIGH FIVES*

WOOT

Hey dude don't worry about not drinking and honeysuckle I rarely drink and even rarelier get drunk, it may not seem like but there are other people like you don't get wasted and honeysuckle, they're just not as loud and obnoxious so they're not as noticeable

But fortunately I've got some friends, I'm rooming with a friend I made last year I found a group of friends to hang out with on fridays,

but all these people I've meet is mainly because I approached them, and said hello and asked if I could join them, they all said yes,

So I played soccer with them, and ate with them.

I use to have this fear that I was bothering people so I would just leave everyone be, people sometimes see that as being standoffish

You're not bothering them People in college are also looking for new friends

Do you eat in the cafiteria that's a great place to meet people just look for someone who's sitting by themself and ask if you can join them 99.999% of the time they're going to say sure, you're not bothering them


start with the basics what year are you, what are you studying what classes are you taking where are you from what dorm are they in
the college enviroment is great for that whole getting to know you honeysuckle,

but dude you just gotta jump on in to the deep end say hello don't look down or away introduce yourself

I've sat with a bunch of strangers and chatted a nd sometimes we didn't really click or I wouldn't see them again,

but a few times one time majorly important I sat down with a random person in the cafiteria we clicked, we had a lot in common and a lot to talk about, we watched some movies afterwards, I invited her to the friday hangouts and such
this cafeteria encounter was critical in my not being homeless this year
yay

also we decided on weekly hangouts, so like everyfriday a bunch of us try to get together eat and look for something fun to do

dude try not to worry about the color of skin us white people love having black friends ( it makes us feel cool and progressive (( sorry I don't mean to sound racist, but it is true)

are there like any african american groups or communities you could go to?
or any african studies class?

ya being single sucks I know what you mean but there are also more single college students than you would think

also be confident ! guys don't really fall for the shy chicks like they do in the movies ( unfortunatly )


But dude you're not alone, come one we can make it through this 2nd year together

where are you at? what are you studying?

dude tomorrow sit down with someone in the caffiteria ask how they're doing

if you see people playing frisbe on the quad or pentacrest (whatever) join in

goodluck I'm pulling for you and we're all in this together

 

[Badjedidude]

guys don't really fall for the shy chicks like they do in the movies ( unfortunatly )

lol yeah they do. I like shy girls.

 

[JAYtheMAGNIFICENT]

College is really tough for shy people like us. The fact that people rave about how amazing college is, how it's the greatest thing that will ever happen in your life, how you will meet all kinds of people and make tons of new friends, makes it tough to deal with being shy.

 

[johnblancardi]

I Googled "lonely at college" and found this lol.

I feel like my random spurts of loneliness emerge from my shyness, and with shyness comes fear, misconceptions, and alienation.
Up until college my shyness was never really a problem because I had a set group of friends always. And then my freshman year of college when those friends disappeared, I luckily ended up with a lovely roommate whom I enjoyed and spent a lot of time with.

Now I'm a sophomore (sophomore slump as they say) and my old roomie is living somewhere else (and is super busy now), and I have a new roommate who is decent, but who I don't really click with.

I generally have pretty good self esteem thanks to my mother and spiritual upbringing. But I feel like that only works at home. At college I'm constantly being bombarded with the fact that I'm no typical college student. I don't drink, thus x-ing out parties. I'm also shy so I come off as aloof and angry, when really I just want a friend. I feel like I need to be Facebook chatting, or texting, or going out somehwere to feel like I have a life. Otherwise, if I'm just sitting in my dorm (like now) I feel this overwhelming pity for myself. Yet at the same time, I know that I'm a homebody and that I feel most comfortable doing things on my own. I just feel like a loser and like I'm missing out, but I don't know exactly how to get "in"

Labor day weekend I'll be with my family, and then the weekend after I'm going to a concert with my old roommate, but that is pretty much it for the social stuff I have planned, and I feel VERY panicked to find things to do on the weekend or I may end up sulking and being depressed. And it's just stupid to have to panic over something like that, you know?

I am active on campus with organizations, so I have a social life as far as that goes. But those aren't really "friends" and I seem to be stumped at making relationships with those people last.

I would also like to have a boyfriend. I don't feel like I'm desperate (at least to the extent that girls are here), but I feel sad about it from time to time because I'm black and I go to a predominately white school, and although I've been told I'm very pretty, I can't help but feel like an ugly black dot in a sea of white people. It just gets me down sometimes that the guys I find attractive may not take a second glance at me if I'm not blond.

I'm not sure where this post is going. Maybe someone can understand and make me feel better, or tell me their experience.
I feel like I'm an awesome person to have as a friend (I'm a really good singer/songwriter, stylish dresser, really funny), and I wish I could walk around with a sign saying that so maybe people would stop overlooking me.

sigh....

---

Hi , I READ YOUR ESSAY , I am a person who believes that anything is possible with GOD. I think loving , compassion, giving, being understanding and being empathetic towards a friends is veery important . You seem like a nice person and I can see you're bright . You are analytical I notice. Prayer is important and keep GOD in your mind and heart . God is with you , you are never alone. He will work it out. I would like to hear from you, if you want to talk here . pm me . , John

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^CYBER PASTOR!!! Oh Em Geeeeeee!!!

Welcome back. hehe

 

[evanescencefan91]

tehehe cyber pastor ah man there's some deja vu there

 

[futurecatlady]

Hey there, camillemichelle, and welcome to the site! You'll find a lot of people on here that can share your experience. I, for one, know EXACTLY what you mean about the pre-weekend panic. "Am I going to be invited anywhere? Will I have something to do if I'm not? Can I stay at home and lie about going out if someone asks? Is there really anyone who will care to ask? AAAGH why do weekends exist??"

Like you, I am very shy and even though I'm involved in activities, nobody in those groups is really my friend. In undergrad I had a stable group of friends who were pretty much the only people I ever interacted with (even though they all had other friends as well, we were always the "main" group). Now they're gone and I'm in grad school and the only person who really hangs out with me is my roommate, who is very sweet but has a VERY busy social life. There are many days when I don't even leave the apartment, and it really gets me down.

The thing you have to realize, though, is that you are a self-declared homebody. If you went out and had wild, crazy parties every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night, I guarantee that you would be miserable--I would be too. It's totally okay to stay in if that's what you'd rather do! Those of us who are more intellectual or rich in thought don't need to be constantly entertained by other people. I've noticed that the conversations I've had with other homebodies are much more interesting and fulfilling than conversations I've had with social butterflies, just because there is so much more going on in their heads. Social butterflies can only really talk about their social experiences, and that gets old fast.

It might be harder for you to make friends, but the ones you do make will be more likely to love you because all of that inside time has made you into a person who is entirely unique. There will be no one else out there with the same complex, layered personality as you, and that is something truly valuable. Much more valuable than a sorority girl's latest hookup.

So chin up and good luck! You've still got three years ahead of you, and the chance to make it wonderful in your own way.

 

[SophiaGrace]

http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/857147-college-loneliness-101-a.html

 

[henryphillips]

If someone is sitting alone around campus or at lunch, politely offer to sit with them and introduce yourself. This friendly gesture alone is usually all it takes to make someone feel more welcomed and if they are a part of the community. Making new friends and finding common interests among you and your peers is crucial because you will be spending a majority of your time in and around campus. Here you will build new lasting relationships that will help to make your extracurricular time more worthwhile.

 

[georgesmith]

Hi,
Thanks for all the information guys. My younger brother is moving to his college next month and he is very shy in nature. I will definitely pass on all the suggestions present here in the forum thread. I am sure he would be benefited from it.

 

[Ak5]

Heh, I myself can't wait to get out of High School and into College.