So sad

[scotsgirl]

I have so many problems just now I can't make sense of them or come to a decision about what to do.
I have become so unhappy in my marriage and have been for a long time. We did split up 6 years ago but he made my life hell for a year till I gave in and went back. I know it was for all the wrong reasons but convinced myself it would be ok, but it's not.
He never speaks to me or helps me with anything, I have been filling up with resentment and hurt for along time. Last night I calmly said I was unhappy and needed more support so today he's treated me like dirt and gone off with the bank card so I can't get money for anything.
I need to make a decision about what to do, I know I'm the only person who can decide but I'm scared.
I'm quite a private person so won't talk to my friends about it but need to let it out.
Have never started a thread before so hope I have done it right.

 

[Naleena]

((((((((((((((Scotsgirl)))))))))))))
Big hug for you, dear. Did you want to talk? There are some good listeners here in the forum. I'll be glad to talk with you, if you like.

 

[Bluey]

Hi there scotsgirl, where you put the thread is just fine concedering what you say I would say this would be the best place for it. Well the best place is where you would like it That's kinder how we do things here


Things not looking so great between you and him Well you are right in that only you can decide what you wont or have to do. Imagon you have moved out or frown him out. what every way it well happen with you. But you have your own place and your living alone. Would you be moor happy as a free agent again or as you are now?

I live alone and have done for 13 years now. Am only 33 BTW. But I would still rather be on my own then ague with someone everyday. That would be my worst nightmare. Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen? Why are you so scared? I know when your thinking of changing things like this its normal to feel like you are. But actually ask your self what is the worst thing that could happen?

That's if you decide you really do wont to leave him. If you decide that you love him and can not or well not leave him then I would say its no fun feeling like you are just now. maybe think about some relationship counseling. I mean I know from my own mum and dad that you can love someone but not actually get on or even like a person. They have never had counseling BTW. I think they just grow old and gave up falling out with one another lol Any way try and not feel so down. I know its easier said then done.

 

[Robin]

Scotsgirl, You very much seem to be together with him simply because You haven't got anyone else to be together with. You seem to need someone so much that You'd rather stay with with him than no-one at all. If You really want to have a partner, i suggest You start looking for one which You can rely on and then get out of Your current relationship as soon as possible. Six years is a long time, and now that You've come back, it's just crazy how You can stand how he treats You. He's clearly a selfish ******* who sure as heck don't deserve one bit of You.

 

[Irishdoll]

Sounds alot like my hubby. I keep telling him I'm ready for a divorce, but he keeps finding ways to keep me at arms length. I'm trying to find my way out too. I'm not really scared about the leaving, I think I just feel sorry for him more than anything. I just can't see leaving him on the street (I punish myself with my caring heart).
If you need some1 to talk to, you can always send me some mail . Who knows, between the 2 of us, mayb we can both find our way out of what ails us. Well, good luck to you and be strong for yourself.

 

[Minus]

You are right scotsgirl only you can decide. It is a difficult time and i do wish you the best.

Maybe i am just misunderstanding the suggestion but i do disagree with "If You really want to have a partner, i suggest You start looking for one which You can rely on and then get out of Your current relationship as soon as possible." If you decide that the relationship is over, it is best to end it before looking for a new one. Getting a new partner while you already have one brings on a whole new set of problems and isn't really a proper way to go. Hopefully i just misunderstood that suggestion.

 

[bookbinder]

Leave him and get a restraining order.

Your first and only responsibility is (unless you have kids, but since you didn't mention them I'm assuming that's a no) to yourself.

We did split up 6 years ago but he made my life hell for a year till I gave in and went back.

This relationship is seriously wrong. It sounds to me like he has complete control over your life. This is abuse, and the decision can't be more clear: LEAVE HIM.

Until you decide to get control over your own life, you never will- and the first step to doing that is to gather your things, find some sort of new residence, and begin legal proceedings.

 

[Incognita]

yea , leave him. It's not going to get any better.

 

[davechaos]

I know you are feeling sad and lonely, and making this decision is going to be one of the toughest you have ever had to make, but when you are ready you will.

I had to make a tough decision and walked out of my second marriage. I still hold the guilt for that but I know it was the right decision at the time.

I have no regrets about that and when you make that decision you wont either.

 

[samba101]

Hi Scotsgirl,

Hey if you left him once you can do it again, just make sure your financially able to so you can close the door on him forever.

 

[scotsgirl]

Thanks everyone, glad I found this web site. It's making me think about how I really feel instead of pretending things are ok.
In a way I feel a bit guilty for moaning as I decided to go back with him. Most of the time it's bearable but goes pear shaped if he thinks I
might leave.
When I say I'm scared it's not because of the loneliness it may bring(pretty lonely anyway) It's because he will never leave me alone, last time police were involved as he held me in house with a knife, he got probation.I have asked about restraining order if I go but have been told he has to harm me first.
Irishdoll, caring heart rang true as he has poor health and that is another factor that make things so difficult.
Once again, thank you all for the support, it means alot to me.

 

[RobertJW]

He held you at knifepoint?

If you dont want to leave after that maybe you never will..........he sounds dangerous.

 

[scotsgirl]

Yip, he did. I got little help from police and was made to feel by some I caused the situation by leaving. I truly lived in fear for that year.
It may seem odd but have less fear with him, it's the thought of losing me that sets him off.

 

[Minus]

... last time police were involved as he held me in house with a knife, he got probation.I have asked about restraining order if I go but have been told he has to harm me first.

Oh geez, that is to strict. So if a person survives they may be able to get a restraining order there.

 

[JustLost]

When I say I'm scared it's not because of the loneliness it may bring(pretty lonely anyway) It's because he will never leave me alone, last time police were involved as he held me in house with a knife, he got probation.I have asked about restraining order if I go but have been told he has to harm me first.

I think when someone starts holding a knife to you, it's a pretty good indication that you need to get away from them. Regardless of how much love there is, those are not the actions of a rational person.

Please be careful in whatever you decide...