So there's this girl...

[QuietGuy]

(Please don't feel you have to reply to this, but I just need to put some of my thoughts down somewhere.)

So, there's this girl. (Classic opening line!) I've known her just as a friend for quite a while, but very recently it looks like things might be moving beyond just friendship.

We get on very well together, and have quite a few things in common, which means it's easy to have nice long conversations. As I've mentioned in an earlier post, it's very rare that I feel that magic spark of chemistry with a girl, but I'm feeling it now. I think about her almost constantly now, from the moment I wake up, in every spare moment I have during the day, to the moment I fall asleep.

I'm usually utterly hopeless when it comes to spotting the signs that a girl likes me, but I think she's been giving me a few, like regularly giving me an affectionate touch on my arm, giving me a hug (she's never hugged me before), giving me kinda shy smiles, etc. And I'm fairly sure she's single (I don't recall her ever mentioning a boyfriend in the whole time I've known her).

To be honest, I'm finding myself very strongly attracted to her in a romantic way, and that very rarely happens for me. I just love her personality - a slightly shy, very sweet, "girl next door". I'm also feeling that lovely "supportive and caring" instinct towards her. giftofflavor put it well in another post: "I want a relationship where we take care of each other and know that when life gets difficult that the other will always be there to help support them."

I admit, I would really really like something romantic to develop between us. I think I have enough self-control to prevent myself from trying to force or rush a relationship with her, but I also know I must give her sufficient indications of my feelings towards her, otherwise nothing will ever happen.

I also admit, I've been fantasising about what it would be like to have a relationship with her. Yes, I know it's an unwise thing to do, because real life never turns out the same as your fantasies. But I can't help it. After so long being single, I think I just might have found someone special. This thought sets my insides churning like a massive cement mixer on full power.

Of course, I'm also mentally preparing myself for potential disappointments, eg: she actually sees me as "just a friend", she actually has a boyfriend that she's never mentioned, etc. Always good to try to be prepared for these things, to minimise heartache later. If things don't work out with her, sure the disappointment will be extremely painful at first, but I'm confident that my little candle flame of hope will still keep burning.

Well, that's probably enough of my thoughts for now. Many thanks for giving me this space to share them.

 

[Caroline]

I think you should give her some little hints that you're into her romantically. If you've already been doing that and getting a positive response, then I think you should go for it!
if everything works out, just imagine how happy you would be... *o*!!

 

[Badjedidude]

I still think the patented Mysis-Boobie-Honk will work.

But aside from that... just let her know you're interested. I think you'll do just fine.

 

[QuietGuy]

Many thanks for your replies guys, much appreciated!

I think you should give her some little hints that you're into her romantically.

Well I've been attempting to do exactly that. I've given her one or two few affectionate touches on her arm (rather scary, but I managed it), and also been holding eye contact with her for longer than normal. OK, so not exactly major flirting, but it's a start. (If flirting was a subject at school, I'd get an F for fail!)

If you've already been doing that and getting a positive response, then I think you should go for it!

I guess she hasn't given me any negative response to my mild flirting attempts, so there's still hope...

if everything works out, just imagine how happy you would be... *o*!!

I am imagining it!! In fact, I'm trying hard to stop my imagination getting too carried away!

I still think the patented Mysis-Boobie-Honk will work.

Well, umm, thanks for the advice BJD! I think I'll use that as a last resort though

As it happens, she's going away for a while, so I won't be able to see her again until she's back. Imagine you're watching an action/thriller movie, and in the middle of an exciting scene, someone pauses your DVD, and forces you to wait for days before unpausing it - that's how I currently feel! I just want so badly to know, one way or the other - will things work out romantically between us, or not? Even the disappointment and pain of rejection would be better than this uncertainty.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Well I've been attempting to do exactly that. I've given her one or two few affectionate touches on her arm (rather scary, but I managed it), and also been holding eye contact with her for longer than normal. OK, so not exactly major flirting, but it's a start. (If flirting was a subject at school, I'd get an F for fail!)

umm...lol, Id say you're passing, not failing. Light touches, eye contact...puts a girl at ease. I'd say you're off to an awesome start!

 

[*The Cursed One*]

@QuietGuy - you sound similar to me... especially where you prepare yourself for anything that could go wrong...

Regardless, it sounds like you're onto a winner here. Hope all goes well for you and the girl you have your eyes on.

 

[QuietGuy]

OK, here's an update for anyone who's interested...

Today we had our first date Well, I say "date", but it wasn't really a romantic date like an evening at a candlelit restaurant. Nevertheless, it was the first time we've spent an afternoon together, just the two of us.

Overall, it went quite well. Our conversation flowed smoothly for the entire time we were together. I gave her a few affectionate signs (touches on her arm, putting my arm round her briefly, gently stroking her knee a couple of times, etc), and she didn't seem to mind or give me any negative reactions. She gave me a couple of hugs, and touched my arm affectionately a couple of times too.

I've been doing my best to read her signs, but I'm still not sure whether she thinks of me romantically, or just as a close friend. She's been going through a stressful time recently, and I suspect that, even if she does have romantic feelings for me, now is not the best time for her to be thinking about that kind of thing. So I'm happy to remain her friend, and support her while she goes through this stressful time. giftofflavor's post is again relevant: "I want a relationship where we take care of each other and know that when life gets difficult that the other will always be there to help support them." Just being able to support her as a friend gives me a wonderful feeling. More than anything else, I just want her to be happy.

My self-control seems to be in good working order! I'd thought about maybe trying to hold her hand today, but on reflection I'm very glad I didn't, as I think it would've been way too premature. Forgive me, but I have a rather poetic analogy. A relationship is like a flower. It starts with a seed. You cannot force a flower to grow more quickly than is natural. You cannot force a flower bud to open its petals more quickly than is natural, or you'll damage the flower. Instead, simply water and nurture the seed, have lots of patience, enjoy watching the flower grow, and let life take its natural course. So, if she does have romantic feelings for me, then there will come a time when it's natural for us to start holding hands. But that's not today, and I'm so glad I didn't rush it.

I've been thinking about her every day, every single moment, for the last month or so. It was so wonderful to see her again, I can't begin to describe it. We sat really close to each other several times today, and each time, I felt I was floating above the ground. I just felt so privileged to be allowed to sit so close to such a sweet girl. Just being with her, and seeing her smile, makes me happier than I can describe. Sigh...

I'm really sorry if this post made any of you guys feel envious or jealous of me There's so much pain and heartache in our forum, and life can be so cruelly unfair. You guys are all special, and you all deserve a special girl in your lives. Random chance has brought this special girl into my life (although we may not necessarily end up having a relationship), and the same will happen for all you guys. It just requires that most difficult thing, patience...

 

[SinfulVixen]

Congrats on your "date" Its does seem things went well and kudos to you for trying to enjoy the time together then bluntly setting a tone. Your puppy love is adorable

Best Wishes,

Sin

 

[freedom]

hey bro. i just wanted to share my insight with you. it sounds to me like you really like eachother and like she wants something special with you too. i would just try and take things as they come. you're right for not trying to rush things, but until you're sure that she wants to be your girlfriend, i would just take things as they come. we have an old saying in spanish that sais "whatever starts fast, finishes fast". just keep that in mind.

i wish you the best and hope you get the girl

-freedom

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi quietguy-
It sounds like you are handling things well...keep doing what you're doing and see where it goes. Who knows, maybe you'll find out that she's "the one".

Teresa

 

[QuietGuy]

Thanks again for all your replies and optimism

This post is really just a diary entry of sorts. No reply is necessary unless you'd really like to. I just need to put my thoughts down on (virtual) paper.

When I allow myself to think deeply about her, I realise just how special she is to me. When I see her in a room full of other people, to me she stands out from everyone else, almost like there's a bright spotlight on her alone, and the rest of the room is in darkness. I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm in love with her (yet), but my romantic feelings for her are just so strong. It's the most wonderful feeling, that a girl can have such a profound effect on me.

As I mentioned before, she's currently going through a rather stressful time, and is often rather depressed, not her usual happy cheerful self. But this doesn't change the way I feel about her, which I find reassuring in a way. It shows me that my feelings for her are not superficial. In fact, my feelings for her now are even stronger - that wonderful "supportive and caring" instinct just makes me want to put my arms around her, hold her gently, and reassure her that everything's going to be OK. I just wish we were already in a relationship now, because I just want to hold her in my arms all night, and be a shoulder for her to cry on (literally). I want to wrap her in a soft blanket, gently kiss her cheek, and keep her safe, warm and protected.

But I know she's really not ready to think about having a relationship with anyone at the moment, because of her current situation. And of course, she may not think of me as anything more than a good friend. I just want to be so close to her, and I can't be.

An analogy. I feel as if I've been waiting alone at a railway station for many years. Dozens of trains have passed through the station, but none of them have ever stopped at my platform. I was beginning to give up hope, when suddenly, a train stops right by my platform, and its destination is exactly where I want to go. But... the doors won't open. My train is right here, but I can't get on. I'm so near... and yet so far. I don't know when or if the doors will open, or whether the train will pull out of the station without ever opening its doors, leaving me standing on the platform, alone again.

OK, please forgive me for that silly analogy - it's late at night, and I'm very sleepy as I write this. I think that's enough for now. Thank you so much, once again, for giving me this space to share my thoughts. I don't have anyone else to share them with.