So, this happens :(

[VanillaCreme]

I wasn't patronizing you. I meant what I said. But of course you read what I say as though I had a nasty, bitching attitude - which I didn't. I was simply agreeing with Panda and adding my own tid-bits. I'm not just an "online" person either. I'm real. Real flesh, real blood. But that's fine if you don't care what I have to say. Trying to make someone feel better doesn't always work.

Best of luck to you.

 

[Xpendable]

Ok, I've been feeling like honeysuckle recently. I'm really tired of this. I know what intimacy means even I have never done the penis to vagina thing. That's what sounded condescending to me. I don't just wanna have sex, I'm not a teenager. Don't want to pick on fights, honestly. I'm just diying inside. I know you didn't mean it but I need to be given more credit than that.

 

[lonelypanda]

You miss my point. How many people are actually honest online?

You get liars everywhere, not just online.

I never found the opinions I see online reflected in the real world. Why is that?

How many girls have you asked in real life while walking around if they are okay with a guy being an older virgin ? Compare that to posting on a public forum asking about it, youre inviting opinion whereas in real life you are not. You'll never know because you don't talk to every girl you see, you can't make that evaluation.

Just the other day I had a crushing sense of loneliness and I decided to o out to specifically find people how could help me get rid of the feeling. I walked for 3 hrs, around 15 kms and got nothing. I only saw decadence and deception. Looked for book stores or parks, looked on avenues and pubs. Nothing. It got dark and went home weary. I saw alcohol consumption and fights, bums asking for money for drugs and loud families venting their stress on the sidewalks.
Does it matters if I talk with anyone with those characteristics?
Are you really suggesting every person could be special?

I'm saying with every person that passes you by you don't know what's in their head and you never will, so why assume what they think. You say in real life, but you haven't asked every girl you've ever encountered. You don't know, you're not meant to know, so don't assume.

I do too until they give me the "why is he daring to look at me" frown.

Or maybe they're not even frowning at you at all. There's times i space out and I realize I'm staring at somebody while doing it and then I feel awkward. Haha they might be weirded out that I'm staring at them, or feel complimented or angry. They have an asumption why I'm staring, but all along I'm just off in my own head and happened to be looking there way.

Anonymity prevents honesty.

Awahhhh? It's the exact opposite actually , people are more brutal and honest when they can hide behind a computer, especially anonymously.

 

[Xpendable]

You get liars everywhere, not just online.

The ones online don't have any reason to lie but they do it anyway because they get no consecuences.

How many girls have you asked in real life while walking around if they are okay with a guy being an older virgin?

Great idea, lets open a conversation that way. Lets ask every girl we encounter what's their opinion on virgin guys, I'm sure they'll find the question totally normal.

You'll never know because you don't talk to every girl you see, you can't make that evaluation.

Yes, I can. People reflect their opinions in more ways that just words.

I'm saying with every person that passes you by you don't know what's in their head and you never will, so why assume what they think. You say in real life, but you haven't asked every girl you've ever encountered. You don't know, you're not meant to know, so don't assume.

Walking the other day. A woman chases a guy, both look skinny. Bad teeth due to drugs and can't understand what they're saying. The man carries a dog and tries to scape from her, she punches him and yells unteligible curse words. Both homeless.
Can I assume they know about austrian economics? or have an informed and well stablished political opinion? Can I?

People give away a lot of what they are by not even talking.
I have become very good at reading them and I never fail to guess how they are. You can believe me or not or call me what you want but that's how it is. People are an open book.

 

[lonelypanda]

You get liars everywhere, not just online.

The ones online don't have any reason to lie but they do it anyway because they get no consecuences.

How many girls have you asked in real life while walking around if they are okay with a guy being an older virgin?

Great idea, lets open a conversation that way. Lets ask every girl we encounter what's their opinion on virgin guys, I'm sure they'll find the question totally normal.

You'll never know because you don't talk to every girl you see, you can't make that evaluation.

Yes, I can. People reflect their opinions in more ways that just words.

I'm saying with every person that passes you by you don't know what's in their head and you never will, so why assume what they think. You say in real life, but you haven't asked every girl you've ever encountered. You don't know, you're not meant to know, so don't assume.

Walking the other day. A woman chases a guy, both look skinny. Bad teeth due to drugs and can't understand what they're saying. The man carries a dog and tries to scape from her, she punches him and yells unteligible curse words. Both homeless.
Can I assume they know about austrian economics? or have an informed and well stablished political opinion? Can I?

People give away a lot of what they are by not even talking.
I have become very good at reading them and I never fail to guess how they are. You can believe me or not or call me what you want but that's how it is. People are an open book.

Maybe he was a brain surgeon before being a crack head, there is homeless druggies who were respectable members of society before falling victim to their addictions.

And sure some actions can tell you about a person, but what specific demeanor or action screams "I don't like virgins", that's like trying to read someone's favorite food by how they act or walk.

 

[Xpendable]

Maybe he was a brain surgeon before being a crack head, there is homeless druggies who were respectable members of society before falling victim to their addictions.

Occam's Razor.

And sure some actions can tell you about a person, but what specific demeanor or action screams "I don't like virgins"?

- All her hook ups have been with other women.
- Has been with some guys as well.
- Wears revealing clothes because she knows how to draw attention.
- Goes to parties a lot and gets drunk.
- Knows her sexuality and has pride on how open she is about it.
- Has no problem flirting and hooking up.
- Is not looking for a serious relationship.
- Likes pop culture and doesn't care for serious subjects.

Here you have a few. I can easily decypher this by listen to them.

 

[lonelypanda]

Maybe he was a brain surgeon before being a crack head, there is homeless druggies who were respectable members of society before falling victim to their addictions.

Occam's Razor.

And sure some actions can tell you about a person, but what specific demeanor or action screams "I don't like virgins"?

- All her hook ups have been with other women.
- Has been with some guys as well.
- Wears revealing clothes because she knows how to draw attention.
- Goes to parties a lot and gets drunk.
- Knows her sexuality and has pride on how open she is about it.
- Has no problem flirting and hooking up.
- Is not looking for a serious relationship.
- Likes pop culture and doesn't care for serious subjects.

Here you have a few. I can easily decypher this by listen to them.

You don't see all that with girls passing you by. Those observations take longer than the hundreds of girls that walk by you in a day for a brief moment. A small percentage of your experience does not make up all women. You simply don't know most women don't want a virgin, and even with all that I'm sure there's some hyper sex'd girl who hooks up alot and parties alot whos into virgins.

 

[ThatZealousOne]

I have to say the responses on this thread made me feel a little better about my situation. Thanks guys. I dunno, I guess we can say that not all women are like those in the article and that's something. Heh.

I'll probably be a virgin for a long time yet but if my time does come, well, I don't think I'll say if I am or I'm not. As far as relationships go though, heh, well I'll just be happy to settle with 'female'. I doubt I will have much choice in if they're a horrible narcissist or a nice person. Ahh well. Still, I have some hope. Thanks for making me feel a little better at least, heh.

 

[user 115627]

I doubt it's much about what percentage is into virgins, but what percentage doesn't give a **** getting to know somebody who's still inexperienced in that department. And if you are serious about dating somebody this particular fact comes up rather sooner than later. It definitely should, not because it's like a facial disfigurement but because people ought to know what they are dealing with. If somebody really avoids virgins like the plague it's likely to correlate with a whole bunch of other intolerable features anyway.

Xpendable, you seem to know pretty well what actions and behavior you dislike and how to decypher it through listening and observing. I don't question this ability cause I'm doing the same daily and some of the things you mentioned are dead giveaways. In reverse, can you tell if somebody would fit your "expectations" the same way? I expect you are already doing that, but what are the clues you are looking for? That's more focused on passive behavior (looks, demeanor). Everyone knows you don't randomly start talking about Austrian economics, world politics or whatever these deeper topics are.

Usually people have to feel comfortable with you for this and it also requires a particular environment. Or they need to be triggered. A simple example I have for this is the radio. It happens at home and at my work place that people suddenly start talking about a contemporary topic because it came up in the news. Though I never get excited about it even if the topic actually is of some remote interest...most of the time it ends up being lowbrow anyway. It doesn't always mean these people aren't capable of more, but nobody plasters you with their opinions and goes on about a topic for hours just like that - even if they are passionate. Unless they are rather...eccentric (read: Obnoxious as hell).

 

[Xpendable]

You don't see all that with girls passing you by. Those observations take longer than the hundreds of girls that walk by you in a day for a brief moment.

Yes, I see them, hear them and deduce them. Is not that hard.

A small percentage of your experience does not make up all women.

Oh, I see now, this was me "generalizing". Can you quote when I said All Women?

You simply don't know most women don't want a virgin, and even with all that I'm sure there's some hyper sex'd girl who hooks up alot and parties alot whos into virgins.

You don't know otherewise. Are you talking for all women?

---

I doubt it's much about what percentage is into virgins, but what percentage doesn't give a **** getting to know somebody who's still inexperienced in that department. And if you are serious about dating somebody this particular fact comes up rather sooner than later. It definitely should, not because it's like a facial disfigurement but because people ought to know what they are dealing with. If somebody really avoids virgins like the plague it's likely to correlate with a whole bunch of other intolerable features anyway.

The true bad thing is this kind of people aren't treated as bad as the people they reject.

Xpendable, you seem to know pretty well what actions and behavior you dislike and how to decypher it through listening and observing. I don't question this ability cause I'm doing the same daily and some of the things you mentioned are dead giveaways. In reverse, can you tell if somebody would fit your "expectations" the same way? I expect you are already doing that, but what are the clues you are looking for? That's more focused on passive behavior (looks, demeanor). Everyone knows you don't randomly start talking about Austrian economics, world politics or whatever these deeper topics are.

I made a thread called "I can't find People". I go into detail there. http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=34822
I only used austrian economics as an example, it can be other stuff.

 

[nerdygirl]

I had sex with a virgin. He was and is the best sex partner I've ever had. I would not have had sex with him, knowing he was a virgin, if not for the fact that we loved each other. This isn't because I would be afraid the sex was going to be bad. It's because your first time should be with someone who actually cares for you. Honestly, every time should be with someone who at least likes you.
Experience doesn't necessarily make a person good at sex. It just makes a person... experienced at sex. You could have sex every day for a decade and still be really bad at sex.

 

[user 115627]

The true bad thing is this kind of people aren't treated as bad as the people they reject.

I think they aren't treated as bad by like-minded individuals. An overly promiscuous male/female won't shame another one, just as a virgins don't shame their kind. Unless they are insecure which is not unlikely either. All I know is that I won't engage in this kind of behavior and that I have more inherent respect for a virgin than I have for the opposite. And I certainly don't seek to be treated well by the casual sex folks. Besides, there's more than virgins and sluts out there.

I made a thread called "I can't find People". I go into detail there. http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=34822
I only used austrian economics as an example, it can be other stuff.

I'm fully aware this was an example.

I only skimmed through the thread once more, I already read it back then. While you explained in detail what you are looking for, I still wonder how you would go on about decyphering the clues which indicate this person might suit you. Furthermore, on the off chance that you actually observe someone who fulfills all your criterias and you also get a chance to overhear this person talking sensibly to another one...how would you proceed?

Purely hypothethical. In the old thread some people already pointed out how your standards to conversation might be unreal, but that's not something I want to dissect again. I'm only interested in the application of your mindset.

By the way, if my continuous replying and questioning proves to be frustrating and is clearly not what you are looking for, you can tell me to piss off anytime. No hard feelings.

 

[ardour]

If that blog post is real and not fiction or highly exaggerated clickbait, the "anonymous" writer sounds narcissistic. Is that the type of woman you're looking for to have intimate relations with? Please say no.

No Siree Bob.

Also, if you're worried about your own sexual history or lack thereof, there's no law or rule that says you must divulge that you're a virgin to your first partner.

Only thing you're obliged to divulge is an STD.

Xpendable, read the comments. They're like an antidote to the theme in that post that virgins are somehow defective. Most are sympathetic for the guy.

.Experience doesn't necessarily make a person good at sex. It just makes a person... experienced at sex. You could have sex every day for a decade and still be really bad at sex.

Maybe, but for a man some experience might make it less likely to er... finish early.

 

[SofiasMami]

Xpendable, read the comments. They're like an antidote to the theme in that post that virgins are somehow defective. Most are sympathetic for the guy.

Yes, that's true. Being a virgin isn't an affliction, disease or tragedy. It's simply a state of being.

-Teresa

 

[Xpendable]

Xpendable, read the comments. They're like an antidote to the theme in that post that virgins are somehow defective. Most are sympathetic for the guy.

Yes, that's true. Being a virgin isn't an affliction, disease or tragedy. It's simply a state of being.

Yes, I read them before. I keep observing this unbreakable "online empathy" that doesn't translate to the real world. This type of thing just seems to get sympathy when the people showing it aren't directly affected by the issue. It would interesting to know what they think when they encounter this on real life. As I've said before: "On the internet everyone loves you for who you are".

As for virginity as a state of being, well that's the problem. When you live in a world where sexual interaction is so common and natural, you start to inevitably feel covered by this shadow of inadequacy. When you go to the streets is amazing to realize that all the thousands of people you see exists because twice as them had sex; twice as them were considered desirable enough. ****, there's probably thousands of people having sex right now. When you're not choosing to remain this way, when you can firmly established that sex is something so easy to get on general basis, how can you cope with the fact that you're not in tune with that normality? How to stay comfortable with yourself when you're such a small minority of the human spectrum? A minority that is looked down to because they're failing in one of the core aspect of the species: To reproduce.
Someone said on this forum some time ago that it's similar to watch all the people riding their bikes and having fun, while you're still using your safety wheels. You're an adult driving your safety wheels but expect that everyone treats you like their equal and sacrifice the fun they have with the other bikers to ride on your side, limiting them to teach you something you may never learn.

 

[Xpendable]

Xpendable, you seem to know pretty well what actions and behavior you dislike and how to decypher it through listening and observing. I don't question this ability cause I'm doing the same daily and some of the things you mentioned are dead giveaways. In reverse, can you tell if somebody would fit your "expectations" the same way? I expect you are already doing that, but what are the clues you are looking for? That's more focused on passive behavior (looks, demeanor). Everyone knows you don't randomly start talking about Austrian economics, world politics or whatever these deeper topics are.

But you get a different vibe. When get used to hear the same sentences and opinions, things can get very dull. My expectations are totally unfair, because I realize how different I am from most people. What I said was just an example, I don't imediately start to talk about those things but I can get some good vibes from unexpected ways of comunicating.

It happens at home and at my work place that people suddenly start talking about a contemporary topic because it came up in the news. Though I never get excited about it even if the topic actually is of some remote interest...most of the time it ends up being lowbrow anyway. It doesn't always mean these people aren't capable of more, but nobody plasters you with their opinions and goes on about a topic for hours just like that - even if they are passionate. Unless they are rather...eccentric (read: Obnoxious as hell).

But why they never go for more... like ever?

Eccentric is just a way of labeling someone who doesn't fit the normal, boring patter of common opinions.

 

[user 115627]

But you get a different vibe. When get used to hear the same sentences and opinions, things can get very dull. My expectations are totally unfair, because I realize how different I am from most people. What I said was just an example, I don't imediately start to talk about those things but I can get some good vibes from unexpected ways of comunicating.

You had already replied to this section of my post further back. Even though serious topics are occasionally grazed in my daily life which might give you a little hope to find somebody like-minded, it's not like the opinions on these topics are very much surprising or unexpected for me. In fact the experience is equally dull, so I have simply resorted to drop all my expectations and I live with it. I can't tell you anything new or inspiring here.

But why they never go for more... like ever?

Eccentric is just a way of labeling someone who doesn't fit the normal, boring patter of common opinions.

If I knew why this happens, I wouldn't wrap myself in silence all the time and browse the internet for a better experience.

I used eccentric because it's a commonly used label for peculiar people, sometimes negative. But I have often referred to myself as eccentric before which I actually don't see as negative, simply appropriate.