Social Media and Romance

[TheSolitaryMan]

Do you ever find the divide between the depiction of romance in social media and the reality of your life jarring when you're lonely? Or the desensitisation of others to that sort of rift?

More concisely, I mean romance in film, story or music format making you feel bad, but others being completely oblivious to how it plays a role in your low feelings.

To me, it's sort of symptomatic of why people who have partners (or have had some romantic relation) can't really understand the same feelings of loneliness you get when single "forever".

Lately I find anything classically romantic I'm exposed to during my day gets me feeling a bit melancholy, while others don't even seem to notice that the theme of romance pretty much pervades culture at every level.

---

I'm jabbering, lemme give an example.

I was talking to my parents a while back on a car journey, they were giving me a speech at the time about how there's no pressure on a guy to have a partner, it's perfectly fine to take your time about finding someone. They mentioned they didn't get why I wasn't happy being single and why I feel so alone when it comes to all that stuff.

All in all, it's "perfectly normal" to be single, right?

So anyway, the conversation finishes and I put the radio on. It was some pop song I don't even know, but the lyrics were rather blatantly about love/sex/romance.

Everyone else in the car just thought "Catchy tune", I was thinking "Isn't this so ironic considering what we've just talked about?"

Then I realised that practically every song I hear on the radio is about romance, sex and/or desire. Every movie I see has a passionate love scene or a romantic interest - and that's if the plot isn't entirely about romance in the first place...

Romantic love apparently isn't socially important according to everyone I talk to, I shouldn't be in a rush to get a girlfriend...yet every day we constantly watch and listen to famous people extolling the virtues of having a partner?

Songs about teenage kicks (which I certainly never experienced, unless it refers to literally kicking people!), making love in green grass (again, not me) and whatever else imply that love is, by contrast, something that we all feel at a young age and have good memories of. As someone who has never experienced anything romantically positive like that, I find that very alienating.

I'd go as far as to say that the idealistic and relentless way society portrays all that stuff is what actually makes me feel abnormal in my loneliness.

---

Err, did any of this make sense?

I hope it'll spark an interesting discussion, or at least some views from others on all this stuff

 

[blackdot]

I hold the remote close so i can mute the tv any time there is anything remotely related to romance on a show. I have completely stopped listening to the radio.
People who know me think it's stupid that I would find seeing 2 people kiss to be severely depressing. They can't understand how a car commercial advertising getting a car for your loved one to be severely depressing. They can't understand why I can't handle New Years Eve.

People that don't know what it is like to be alone will never understand what it's like. They don't understand how to open their mind to the idea that not everyone gets to enjoy the same things they do.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Whatever your reality or perceptions are...

You focus on whatever or
Turn whatever to support
Your your creation.
We create our own heaven or
Hell.

---

If you choose to blame the media or give up our powers to media...so be it.

---

So..your saying youre a Victim and wanna
Continue playing the victim?

---

Some of my favorite tunes from popular bands.
I relate to them because of my perceptions...
none of which is about romance but rather
The meaning of life..as i relate to those meanings.

The stream of life by Entwine.
Life for hire by a day to remember
Vital Signs by Rush
Fight the good fight by Triumph
Into the Light by Papa Roach
Undead by Hollywood undead.
Riot by Three days grace.
Heaven and hell by Black Sabbath.
One step closer by linkinpark
I will not bow by Breaking Benjamin
God is Crying by Joe sstriani

Ect...ect..ect

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Our favorite show is the Family Guy.

One of my favorite film series
Is the Matrixs...
Its about...what hell is realty? Programmimg and
Control.

 

[Okiedokes]

Makes perfect sense to me. I used to fantasize about my future "love" when I was younger and never had a real bf before. And I'm not talking about the dirty crap you see.. but the romantic movie stuff. And it made me think that real love was supposed to be this way. In fact...sometimes I still do. Ok. MAYBE I DO. I'll admit it. But obviously I watched way too many sappy movies and it distorted my view. Real love is much more complicated, and music/movies are simply fantasy. Ya know what, I'll stop here and not ruin it for you. :\

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I hold the remote close so i can mute the tv any time there is anything remotely related to romance on a show. I have completely stopped listening to the radio.
People who know me think it's stupid that I would find seeing 2 people kiss to be severely depressing. They can't understand how a car commercial advertising getting a car for your loved one to be severely depressing. They can't understand why I can't handle New Years Eve.

People that don't know what it is like to be alone will never understand what it's like. They don't understand how to open their mind to the idea that not everyone gets to enjoy the same things they do.

Glad it's not just me blackdot

Valentine's Day seems to be the absolute epitome of this strange semi-conscious selfishness in society. It's the one day where society drops the ambiguously sexual TV/Radio/billboard ads that normally irritate me and instead actively raises a gigantic middle finger to lonely people!

So..your saying youre a Victim and wanna
Continue playing the victim?

---

---

Hardly! I just find it ironic and a little twisted that the advice so many people give me (in "real life", not here, I'll hasten to add! ) is contradicted enormously by:

A: Their own experience
B: Popular culture

I mean, no wonder lonely people feel like crap if everything around them is constantly giving them a "perfect" vision of what they're missing!

I don't understand why people who kissed at the age of 17, for example, keep telling me that it's normal to not have kissed by 21. Especially when no one my age that I talk to thinks it's normal...

Makes perfect sense to me. I used to fantasize about my future "love" when I was younger and never had a real bf before. And I'm not talking about the dirty crap you see.. but the romantic movie stuff. And it made me think that real love was supposed to be this way. In fact...sometimes I still do. Ok. MAYBE I DO. I'll admit it. But obviously I watched way too many sappy movies and it distorted my view. Real love is much more complicated, and music/movies are simply fantasy. Ya know what, I'll stop here and not ruin it for you. :\

Oh, it's fine Okiedokes. There's nothing to ruin anyway!

I'm already, rather sadly, becoming decided that love as I wish it exists...doesn't. The guys I see most successful with girls are the ones who don't have my inhibitions.

"Love", at least at my age, appears to be meeting someone in a club, followed by performing as many lewd acts as possible in an evening before you never see them again.

What happened to kissing, holding hands, just wanting to be by someone's side and have a good discussion with them?

Anyway, I digress, please do tell if you have anything else to share ^^

 

[annik]

I feel bad about the Elbow now...

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I feel bad about the Elbow now...

That reminds me, I really must listen to that, lol

 

[annik]

I feel bad about the Elbow now...

That reminds me, I really must listen to that, lol

Hmm reading this maybe you shouldn't...:shy:

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Becuase people tell you want you to hear. So you don't go into a depression orWanna hang yourself.
NORMAL IS LOOSLY DEFINDED

AN AVERAGE MALE DO OR HAD SOMETYPE OF THE BIRDS AND THE BEES
BEFORE 21

 

[AFrozenSoul]

It is really more prevalent than just TV shows and movies. It falls into ads as well. If you really ever watch a lot of TV ads. You will never see someone who is single. Unless the demographic is a specific profession. Especially vacation ads, those are the worst. Whether they are family vacation or just get out of work vacations.

I can agree with your parents that there is no pressure on men to be with a mate. However, it is still seen as immature and bad. People do not like immature people. While being single may seem more normal. It is still a norm that hurts men just as much as women being single.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Shut off the freaken TV.
Commercials are designed to make you
Feel like you lack or need something.
So you go out and buy honeysuckle...

But you have to power to disconnect
The tube...
Yeah...your getting programmed.

---

If you buy into it, you buy into it.

---

You cant distinguish between entertainment
And real life?

 

[Okiedokes]

Makes perfect sense to me. I used to fantasize about my future "love" when I was younger and never had a real bf before. And I'm not talking about the dirty crap you see.. but the romantic movie stuff. And it made me think that real love was supposed to be this way. In fact...sometimes I still do. Ok. MAYBE I DO. I'll admit it. But obviously I watched way too many sappy movies and it distorted my view. Real love is much more complicated, and music/movies are simply fantasy. Ya know what, I'll stop here and not ruin it for you. :\

Oh, it's fine Okiedokes. There's nothing to ruin anyway!

I'm already, rather sadly, becoming decided that love as I wish it exists...doesn't. The guys I see most successful with girls are the ones who don't have my inhibitions.

"Love", at least at my age, appears to be meeting someone in a club, followed by performing as many lewd acts as possible in an evening before you never see them again.

What happened to kissing, holding hands, just wanting to be by someone's side and have a good discussion with them?

Anyway, I digress, please do tell if you have anything else to share ^^
[/quote]


I'm just not sure how to explain it in a way because some people are more romantic than others. I think if someone has romantic feelings like in the movies for someone, who doesn't have those... there's gonna be some emptiness there just like as if the person was single. And yearned for those feelings in return. What's confusing is logic tells me those romantic feelings are just lust/infatuation.. and they fade. But, I can see how those feelings are love too maybe because of the fact that it's what you see in romance movies.

To me, I just feel like romance feelings SHOULD be there. And if they aren't.. well... I don't know. :\ I wonder if old couples still feel the romance they did when they first dated or got married for instance. Seems like a fairy tale but all too often it doesn't end up like that.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Renae and I are over 40.
I guess that makes us O people.... to some of ya.

We were also high school sweethearts.

Our lives were full of lovE, romance
Sex, drugs, rock n roll, dramma,
Truamma, violence...etc.
Heck even the bombshell Renae drop
On me.. Our daughter lives on Hollywood
Blvd.lol.
Just the crazy honeysuckle Renae did in her life
Would be full off action or crazy cops
And robers chase scene.lol..
You all just dont know.....

Anyway...Wete very much in love.
Very, very sexy. Hot passionate
love making.

---

Too bussied sometimes living our lives
To get cuaght up in TV.

Do all couple act like us?
Beats me.

---

We bold hands in public.
We cuddle and hold each other tight during
These cold winter nights....

She drove 3 days with just her clothe
To be with me..
She got lost 200 miles away from me.
I drove in the dark of night desert night
to meet her in a small town in AZ.
It was midnight. The cresent moon was out.
The stars shined brighter away from the city
Light. As i drove up to her car...
The first time i saw her in 21 years.
The sparkles in her eyes. The music of
silence. The breeze blowing in her long
Golden hair...The love of my life.
We embraced tightly and coulnt stop kissing
And holding each other. She rest her head
On my shoulder as tears flows from her.
She told me she loves me....
Thats love and romance....better than
Hollywood. In the moment. Everything was
Real but it felt surreal becuase it was totally
Intense and peaceful at the sametime.

One of many many romantic moments
Jve experienced with her.

---

And of course...eventually we got into a fight
And separated. Lmao
Its all part of the romance.hahaaaa.
I drove 1000 miles doing 100 in a 55.
That honeysuckle wss totallyh fucken intense too.
I hurted like Ive never hurted and
Went through all thst honeysuckle of mjssing her.
She gose through all thst honeysuckle of knowing
she loves me.
But ee fought and argued...maked for
Good dramma scenes.lmao
I drove 1500 miles and 3 dsys
To be with her....
Thsts truely love and romance.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Shes wearing only a white long sleeve
Shirt....with no panties....
Thsts sexy.lol

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

Shut off the freaken TV.
Commercials are designed to make you
Feel like you lack or need something.
So you go out and buy honeysuckle...

But you have to power to disconnect
The tube...
Yeah...your getting programmed.

---

If you buy into it, you buy into it.

---

You cant distinguish between entertainment
And real life?

---

---

Well said, Lonesome Crow.

I think the media in general skews our perceptions of the world. Sometimes I think that I have low self-confidence because I have been over-exposed to the media (in all its forms: magazines, TV, radio, websites, ads, commercials, movies, music, etc) in my lifetime. I have seen too many images telling me what "normal" is when you can only really learn what is normal by your face-to-face interactions. I have had too many false hopes instilled in me, only to be crushed by reality as I have grown up and become an adult.

My approach to finding a mate is to not even try. By watching television and movies, I believe that I come to subconsciously expect real-life people are like the people in movies. So if I watch enough movies with bimbos as the lead characters, those negative expectations of girls will slowly seep into my real-life interactions, and taint them. I've been considering just turning off the TV for a few weeks to see what kind of effect it has on me. It's pretty much common knowledge that if you watch too news, you'll think that world is a horrible place with horrible things happening all the time, because that is pretty much all that news programs show. I think the same principle applies to all media. Your expectations of reality are shaped by ALL of the media you watch. Media is a window to a world outside of our own where we learn and experiences things that we wouldn't otherwise. But who is to say that what you take away from media is always helpful and true?

I think I spend most of my time battling fears and expectations that I have that are contrary to reality.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I shut off the TV and my stress level dropped.
At that time I had a couple of hobbies
Or jnterest. My guitar and r/c modeling.
It was a challenge to practice playing again
Because j got into the habit of flipping channels
After work. Graudaully i started exercising again.

Then j started attending my support groups again.
Plus I started reading again..

 

[VanillaCreme]

I hold the remote close so i can mute the tv any time there is anything remotely related to romance on a show. I have completely stopped listening to the radio.
People who know me think it's stupid that I would find seeing 2 people kiss to be severely depressing. They can't understand how a car commercial advertising getting a car for your loved one to be severely depressing. They can't understand why I can't handle New Years Eve.

People that don't know what it is like to be alone will never understand what it's like. They don't understand how to open their mind to the idea that not everyone gets to enjoy the same things they do.

You seem to not be able to open your mind to how things like those can bring joy to someone. While I don't think it's stupid, I don't understand how someone can have such a miserable attitude towards things like those.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I was going through a saperation with an exgf.
So it wasnt rossie...
Never the less my stress level dropped.

But i still retained some of the
Programming.....i went on a crazy shoping spread.lmao

---

Even consider purchasing another sports car.lol
All those danm new car commercials with the babes
Or happy family honeysuckle.lol
I already had a mustang GT BUT
I FELT IT WAS FUCKEN OBSOLETE...AND MY
FREAKEN TV TOO.LMAO

---

So i just got cd of nature stuff
Or a CD of fishes swining in a tank.lmao
Then i had a major melt down.
Then i remember my ministor
Telling to make a list of whatever i want from life
And god will grant them to me.

I was like....fresia it
I have nothing to lose.

---

Just for kicks....i basically
Made a dicription of Jenni.
Jocelyn was calling me..but
She was in timbucktoo.
I hant hear from Jenni in
months and she was going
with somebody else..

I looked at that list on my
Frigg everyday..but i thought
It was silly. Id smile everytime.

A month gose by...
Then Jenni asked me to have diner
With her...
I was like....it aint Hollywood
But its still kinda wierd.lol

---

Wby of course.... i have a list
Of Renae that j made in my journal while we were saperated
or broken up...

She was in timbucktooo.
1500 miles away from me.
Super dooper pissed off at me.

---

I read my journal often..

All odds where against Renae
and i being together again..

Renae and I are living together
We had hot steamy sex earljer tonight.
it aint Hollywood..but ill take it.

I programmed myself.

---

So back to my original response.

I CREATE MY OWN REALITY.
I GRATHER EVERYTHING TO SUPPORT
MY PERCEPTION OF LIFE...

I STILL HAVE KINKS IN MY CREATION.
NEVER THE LESS...
RENAE IS WITH ME. I LOVE HER VERY MUCH.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I hold the remote close so i can mute the tv any time there is anything remotely related to romance on a show. I have completely stopped listening to the radio.
People who know me think it's stupid that I would find seeing 2 people kiss to be severely depressing. They can't understand how a car commercial advertising getting a car for your loved one to be severely depressing. They can't understand why I can't handle New Years Eve.

People that don't know what it is like to be alone will never understand what it's like. They don't understand how to open their mind to the idea that not everyone gets to enjoy the same things they do.

You seem to not be able to open your mind to how things like those can bring joy to someone. While I don't think it's stupid, I don't understand how someone can have such a miserable attitude towards things like those.

To be fair though, I think any reasonable person gets pretty sick and tired of watching other people enjoy things that are seemingly off limits to oneself.

If you're really hungry but isolated from food, you're all too well aware of the benefits delicious steak brings to others. But why does that mean you should be happy about it?

Not that I'm saying wallowing in misery is productive or anything, but I think it's a pretty valid human emotion when you're like a permanent observer to things you desire yourself.