Sometimes it's just not having enough opportunities to be social

[HappyYogi]

I just got back from a group bike ride. It was fun. The people were friendly and nice and I had a couple of nice conversations, too!

I guess what I want to say that often (but not all the time) loneliness is due to simply not having enough opportunities to chat/be with others.

I had just joined this bike group because I wanted to share my biking with others and meet others who bike. Well, so far I have! I've met other women in my age who like to bike and it's fun. I can't tell you how much fun it's been to chat with other women about biking, bike clothes, etc. Fun, fun, fun!

So now that I am in this group, if I want, every week I can join a ride and get some social interaction.

Much better than in the near past when most Saturdays would be alone leaving me somewhat isolated.

If you are a lone and you don't want to be lonely, you have to make the effort to go out there and be around others. And it's always good if the group matches at least in some way who you are, that way you can more easily make connections.

Like today...I met a woman and we had a great conversation about making our own healthy dog food. She is going to email me later. Another gal wanted to know the place that sells used bikes. Told me to email her. I even got some "Merry Christmas" hugs!

Going regularly helps, too. You become a regular and they slowly get to know you.

Anyways Merry Christmas OR Happy Holidays you all! Peace and blessings. May you have a New Year with love, friendship and joy.

 

[Anten]

I think main problem is finding some where other than work and school to find a girl. I have hobbies but they aren't really ones that many girls.

 

[Lost Drifter]

Those are some excellent results HappyYogi, well done to you

I agree about the opportunities, unfortunately I live in a small town where people are only concerned about either getting drunk or getting high, I tried starting a book club and a movie group to no success but I may give them another attempt in the coming months just to see if I have any more luck.

 

[HappyYogi]

Anton~ I understand. Most of my hobbies are solitary ones (craftsy, artistic, etc). If you can find something you like to do, or some interest that involves people and/or women that would be a good idea.

I found my bf online because ALL of my hobbies were female based. I didn't drink, do sports or anything like that so going online was the ticket for me.

Lost Drifter~ Yes, location matters. I live in a major metropolitian area where the choices are large. I've never lived in a small town. I am sure they are different. When I was single I read in a book "have a job that involves men"!!! The writer admonished against being a school teacher because there are no men! I know there are no easy answers but maybe a move would be helpful for your life?

 

[blackdot]

My problem with being out with people is that the topics they talk about are things I don't know anything about so I am left feeling alone in a large group of people.
People talk about going out and getting drunk. I don't drink.
People talk about who they are dating or married to. I don't know how to date.
People talk about the latest movie they went to see. I don't go to movies since I am not dating.
People talk about the cool vacations they went on. Yet again, I have no one to date so no vacations for me.

 

[Ak5]

Yes, my problem was that I never took advantage of the opportunities to be social.

People did talk to me, I didn't talk back. I had the opportunity of talking to someone who was sitting next to me, or was participating in the same school activity, I did not talk.

This taught me a huge leson: See an opportunity, take it.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Its true. Where i currently live at theres nno social scence at all. Aside from bars. Little bars. Which is
Not too healty and it gets old.
This little town has little to offer.
Plus the economy is tight. Most people
Just bunker down for the winter.
The weather dosnt help. So most folks
Basically just isolate. I chit chat with
My neighbor evrry so often but most
People stays in doors. I see their cars park on
The drivrways.
It feels like a big prison camp.

I want to go back to CA so so bad.
More opportunities. More places to visit p

More clubs or healty activities. More sunshine.
More people to meet.

I try to keep bussied as i can.
I pur

---

I purposely isolated myself before and that wssnt good.

Now, im just isolate by life and the situation
Ive gotten myself into.

Ill be ok.
I know it wont be like this forever.

---

I lived in Ventura for the summer.
Its actually a city of 200000...but
It had a little beach community.
Within a couple of days i met all
kinds of people and made friends
Rather quickly. I was basically a beach bum.

But back at home...i was more comfortable.
I had my circles of friends i could call or
Hang out with even though we wernt social butterflies. It fill enough of a need for me
To have enteractions with people.

I dont hang in bars....
Being a longs way from home

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Im out of my comfortzone..which is a good thing.
But where im at wont help me furrish.

So...im having to take the path
Of inner personal growth...
MY mind is starting to play tricks on me.
Isolations gets you thinking too **** much.

 

[Anten]

People talk about the latest movie they went to see. I don't go to movies since I am not dating.

I would go to the cinema alone. I watched quite a few movies like that and didn't feel shameful about it. You also don't need to go to the cinema with a girl. My friend would always ask if i wanted to see a movie and I would go. The funniest thing though is once we went to see Twilight: New Moon because he liked the first one and i paid for both the tickets. When we got into the theater the only guys in there was a gay couple.

 

[PurpleDays]

I have NO REASON to leave my house for another NINE DAYS.

Sc-o-re.

 

[blackdot]

Anten:
I can't go to a movie alone unless i were to find one no one else knows about. i see a couple come in the theater and I start crying.
Mix that with the fact most movies have at least a short clip with something relationship-like so I just avoid movies I can't mute and fast forward.

 

[Anten]

blackdot:
Yeah most movies have a romance scene in it which sometimes it if highly forced.

Maybe you should seek some counseling if you are that deeply effected by loneliness.

 

[HappyYogi]

Blackdot~

I hear you. I remember feeling this way in college and in work situations where I felt I had NOTHING in common with others.

I don't drink either and I am not married...so I understand. It's not easy being outside the norm.

That being so...I think if you are in a group with more people like yourself and/or who have some kind of healthy positive interests...also who are intelligent you are bound to get beyond the regular.

My cycling group is not the end all be all BUT cyclists tend to be intelligent people, also many are independent thinkers (they got out of their cars!) and thus are more enjoyable at least for me.

The key is the type of group. You might have to try a few before you find one you like.

I haven't met any real friends, just so far have enjoyed some conversation, friendliness and possible connections. I would like to find another group where I can really meet real friends.

My problem with being out with people is that the topics they talk about are things I don't know anything about so I am left feeling alone in a large group of people.
People talk about going out and getting drunk. I don't drink.
People talk about who they are dating or married to. I don't know how to date.
People talk about the latest movie they went to see. I don't go to movies since I am not dating.
People talk about the cool vacations they went on. Yet again, I have no one to date so no vacations for me.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I used to be in a RC modeling club.
I was also in a relationship at that time.
I also plated my guitar lots.
We were a clean and sober couple.
Our relationship was healty for the longest time.

I needed a bealthy hobbies. Time away from my GF.
I USED TO JUST GO FLY MY STUNT KITE AT A LKCAL PARK.
PEOPLE WOULD COME AND CHAT WITH ME.

WE ALSO CONTINUE TO HAVE DATE NIGHTS TO KEEP OUR
LOVE AND ROMANCE LIFE ALIVE.

I KNOW what it is to have and experience a bealhty
Relationship and life style.
KE

---

My life was pretty much balanced.
I refused to work over time or werkends.
We used to go on weekends get away lots.
We lived in nice luxury home and drove sports cars.
We both got promotions in our careers.
Even our sex lives was healthy and fulfillimg.
I know its possible becuase i lived it.
10 years of my life was like that.
My gf and i hardly argued. The biggest argument
We had was how to discipline her kid for
Staying out all night and getting bad grades.
Which had nothing to do with our relationship.

The turning piont was after our children died.
After the twins died my gf was never the same.
We went into major depressions.
Then she started taking meds to help her
But it never help her worked through the
Pains of loosing the twins.
She was never the same after twins died.
That was the turning piont of my life.
Slowly things got worst as her addictions
kicked in.

Thats why i still have lots of hope for
Renae and I. I know its possible.
Ive lived it. Ive

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When I was younger. I was ino the miilarty. I was stationed in
Albilene TX. Its 150000.
Plus it also have a college and
plenty of things to do.

Plus being tvat young i had lots friends
to go out drinking and socialized and cbase
women. It was healthy in many ways and it wasnt.
Because some of the guys never left their drom room
Or the base. Yeah..they were very only and depressed.
While my friends and i had sports cars and went out
All the time.

Then i got married. Which was challenge
Because she wanted me to come home
All the time. While she was pregnant she
Had major jealousy. I try to take her out
As when we wede dating. But she went
Wacked while she was pregnant.
she wanted to isolate and also
Went into a depression.

Some women are hard headed.

---

I also understand women bodies ate
filled with chemicals that they cant help.
But they blame me for it when they go
Bunkets....dramma.

 

[blackdot]

Some women are hard headed.

---

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just some???

 

[Taylormeister]

I agree with you not having enough opportunities to socialize will decrease the chances of making friends. I, like some of the other people here live in a small town so group activities are slim to none. I want to find some sort of group to join, but in a small town what does a recovering addict do besides get drunk and high when thats all anybody ever does? This is a pretty serious problem when the majority of people have to rely on drugs and alcohol for social gatherings. I won't partake anymore. Good for you finding a bike club, I wish we had something like that!