portcitypoet
New member
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2018
- Messages
- 2
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Hi everyone.
Apologies, I am very new and haven't figured out how to post an avatar/profile picture. Anyways, I signed up because of a sense of dread I am feeling this Christmas. I am severely depressed and damaged. I am a 40 yo man(as of last week) I am too weak. I have cried a thousand time this past year. I am made to feel MDD etc is my fault. There's more to this, so much more. This will be a lonesome Christmas, and I am usually fine the odd time that happens. But anyways. I am a learner. I love to meet new people with new ideas and positivity- as the few around me, the adults in my life-wouldnt dream of hugging me in comfort although I would if my girlfriend was obviously in stress.
I feel I screwed up enough and I can't fix it. Nothing legal. Just mentally. What I have lost and will lose as my brain fights to get my body to snap out of it. I know this time I will leave there(I pay boardabusive toward me. I am the punching bag. I had dreams too. I don't think I can do it. Anyways I'm Tim from NB Canada and love to learn all knowledge possible. I look up to the night sky every clear night and wonder, who could be looking back from a planet I dream of having a woman who actually might want to hear what I have to say sometimes. Of course it's a two way street. I got way off. I'm afraid. I lose her and her children being around with whom I love, teach and care for the kids as my own. But she despises me. From passion to that. And that's that is so sad. The really hurting- I hate this honeysuckle complaining; The thing is they all got Christmas photos all together. I cried when I saw it. I deserve to be in that photo. I've been around for over 5yrs. Daughter is 7 and son is 11 and we have had some tough times with behaviour but after he realized I cared and loved them all.
Well, merry Christmas. Sorry I am
usually more clear. I'm just afraid of being alone, but just they are going away for Christmas and I am hiding and holding my tears back in the room or bathrooms.
Apologies, I am very new and haven't figured out how to post an avatar/profile picture. Anyways, I signed up because of a sense of dread I am feeling this Christmas. I am severely depressed and damaged. I am a 40 yo man(as of last week) I am too weak. I have cried a thousand time this past year. I am made to feel MDD etc is my fault. There's more to this, so much more. This will be a lonesome Christmas, and I am usually fine the odd time that happens. But anyways. I am a learner. I love to meet new people with new ideas and positivity- as the few around me, the adults in my life-wouldnt dream of hugging me in comfort although I would if my girlfriend was obviously in stress.
I feel I screwed up enough and I can't fix it. Nothing legal. Just mentally. What I have lost and will lose as my brain fights to get my body to snap out of it. I know this time I will leave there(I pay boardabusive toward me. I am the punching bag. I had dreams too. I don't think I can do it. Anyways I'm Tim from NB Canada and love to learn all knowledge possible. I look up to the night sky every clear night and wonder, who could be looking back from a planet I dream of having a woman who actually might want to hear what I have to say sometimes. Of course it's a two way street. I got way off. I'm afraid. I lose her and her children being around with whom I love, teach and care for the kids as my own. But she despises me. From passion to that. And that's that is so sad. The really hurting- I hate this honeysuckle complaining; The thing is they all got Christmas photos all together. I cried when I saw it. I deserve to be in that photo. I've been around for over 5yrs. Daughter is 7 and son is 11 and we have had some tough times with behaviour but after he realized I cared and loved them all.
Well, merry Christmas. Sorry I am
usually more clear. I'm just afraid of being alone, but just they are going away for Christmas and I am hiding and holding my tears back in the room or bathrooms.