Stagnate life filled with rejections

[Triple Bogey]

yes but is it worth it if it's making people so unhappy ?

This I agree with. It's very easy to beat yourself up over something you want but can't immediately have. It's a hard lesson to learn, but you cannot "force" things to happen deliberately.

While it may seem like wasting time, learning to become more relaxed about things, and optimistic no matter what happens, is I think the better approach. Thinking about one's unfulfilled desire leads to pessimism and self-loathing, and that has never, ever helped anything for me. It only makes sense to try a different way, adjust thinking processes, and such.

If you can "adjust" your thinking via this "i can't have a relationship" concept, why not other things? Why then are you hanging around on ALL? Your life must be quite jolly - if so, goody for you.

"adjustment" theory is total bunk, as far as my life is concerned. I've been doing it all my life, trying not to care, focus, or just plain old ignore feelings of loneliness. and it doesn't work. You also seem to imply that people who are searching for a relationship do not like themselves. Perhaps being lonely for long periods of time (decade, etc.) has bearing on that.
The desire to long for human companionship is natural/ normal. The problem lies when those needs are not being met. Simply willing them away is not normal. Lord knows, i have tried, and it makes me feel even worse.
Human beings are not "one size fits all.

it saddens me when I read about people talking about ending their lives because they can't meet somebody. The world is such a beautiful place. There are so many things to see and do. So many things to enjoy.

 

[writerchick]

So you're of the thinking that a relationship will just fall into my lap? There was a point in my life when I didn't look for anyone at all and it never happened either. I don't buy the it will happen when you don't look bs

If you don't agree with the concept, that's fine. But that's exactly what seems to work for a lot of people. It is very common advice and there has to be something to it.

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If this works so well, why didn't I find someone in my 20s when I didn't give a rat's behind if I had a boyfriend or ever got married?

 

[Batman55]

If you can "adjust" your thinking via this "i can't have a relationship" concept, why not other things? Why then are you hanging around on ALL? Your life must be quite jolly - if so, goody for you.

No, things aren't jolly, far from it, my friend. Perhaps I didn't elaborate on that enough.

I thought it was implied that I was struggling because of having a lot of unfulfilled desire. But then I realized I was actively focusing on it: it was creating thoughts of urgency, and making everything worse.

It makes sense for *me*, at least, to go in another direction: Focus less on things I want but can't get immediately, or may not be able to get for a long time, etc. I find this results in more positivity, less negativity, less destruction. Even if it is a kind of blissful ignorance, it's better than the direction I was going before.

I still believe that 1) urgency is not usually a good thing 2) it can affect the way you respond to things and people will pick up on that. If you don't agree there, then that's fine, but I'm staying put on that for now.