Stopped talking to two online friends

[Tealeaf]

They're not much, but it's not like I have much in the first place.

One of them kept pointing out that since I'm in a tech field, guys must love me, which kind of draws attention to the fact that they in addition to people in general aren't exactly fascinated by me and that I'm actually very lonely. He'd make references to this when we were playing games or just chatting completely out of the blue.

At some point in my past I stopped wondering what was "wrong" with me for not being among those apparently beloved women and started making peace with my personality's strengths and weaknesses. The idea of not having a lot of people around me doesn't bother me except when anxiety prevents me from forming the social connections I do need or someone is rubbing it in my face.

I told him to quit several weeks ago and he didn't, and when confronted yesterday after a long argument he got uppity about how I'll never be as much of an outcast as him, anyway. Cool. Enough of that.

The second one was someone I discussed the whole mess with afterward at his request, and things were fine until the next morning when he told me that a friend of his confirmed that the claim my first friend was making only applies to a minority of women. Hot tech girls yes, ugly tech girls no. I only said that my first friend's claim doesn't apply to all or even most and that tech girls are held to the same standards as all women, and he turned it into something that subtly jabs at my appearance.

Because what would I do with a fresh new morning if not take on the previous night's misery from a new angle?

Feeling pretty disillusioned about even making friends online at this point.

 

[Walley]

awwww, please don't be. i think youv've just been hanging around the wrong type of people. i just went through this myself when i joined this site. i was playing an online game with a handful of friends and we had a clash of attitudes and i ended up reducing my friendslist to one person.
i thought alot about it and came to the conclusion that i surrounded myself with peronalities that i didnt really mesh with, we got together through simillar interests but there were too many differences that ended up pushing my buttons and it ended suddenly.
but then i came here.
I pm'ed a few people, got a few pm's and i already made a few new friends that are waaay better than the crew i found myself in before.
you know those friends you see in movies or tv or hear about that actually care about your feelings and want to be your friend as much as you want to be theres?
they DO exist. and some of us are right here on this forum!

 

[Kalmah87]

This's bad BUT friends come and go, 've self confidence in your decisions!
Even tho. your are so lucky u succeed in force your mind not think what's wrong and make peace with you personality, i been trying for almost 10 years but no good output yet >.>

 

[Limlim]

Is it possible that the second friend didn't intend to subtly jab at your appearance and was more just making a remark about super attractive people getting a lot of attention in general? Guess it depends on the relationship you have with your friends though. With mine we've all just sorta acknowledged that we're not the most attractive people (i.e. we're a bunch of ugly slobs) and frequently point out things that good looking people do without really meaning offense, since we're cool with it and in general just don't really care.

 

[Barbaloot]

Not all people online are such asshats. Even on ALL there are some pretty thoroughly decent people. You just have to weed through a lot of garbage first.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that though.

 

[The_Old_Soul]

Well, at least these "friends" showed their true colors, and hopefully before you invested much in a friendship with them. You are very clearly intelligent and well spoken, and able to do much better than what these two had to offer. Just the fact that your second friend is categorizing tech girls as "ugly" and "hot" speaks volumes about how he views women.

It's easy for us to assume sometimes that someone is perfectly happy if they are successful, attractive or even surrounded by family. Sadness and loneliness exist everyone, and it's easy to forget that if someone doesn't fit the mold of what a sad and lonely person should look like.

 

[BrokenInside]

I am sorry that it hurt you but on the other hand you dodged the bullet. True friends love you the way you are. Those who come after you because of your success or appearance are not friends. Better be alone than having the company of such a shallow person.

 

[AfterDark]

Feeling pretty disillusioned about even making friends online at this point.

Mymy.. Sounds like you had a really bad discussion, (subject and attitudes).
Must've been annoying having him nag you about it repeatedly, what's it to him anyway? And whats up with the majority votes win attitude? That's not how friends treat each other. It is spiteful behavior.

It's just another bad experience, there can still be good ones. Don't give up friends entirely, online or irl. I'd even try be your friend if you'd like!

Take care

 

[Tealeaf]

Thanks, people. I took a few days to think about it, and I'm glad I at least have less stress in my life even if it's emptier now. I was close to the first one for awhile, but I always felt put on the spot in the worst of ways when he talked like that. In time I suppose I'll meet people more to my tastes.

Is it possible that the second friend didn't intend to subtly jab at your appearance and was more just making a remark about super attractive people getting a lot of attention in general? Guess it depends on the relationship you have with your friends though. With mine we've all just sorta acknowledged that we're not the most attractive people (i.e. we're a bunch of ugly slobs) and frequently point out things that good looking people do without really meaning offense, since we're cool with it and in general just don't really care.

We're not in the habit of doing so, but it's possible he was just tactless with his remark. I usually don't feel too hot after talking to him, though, so I'm not going back on my decision now that it's done.

Feeling pretty disillusioned about even making friends online at this point.

Mymy.. Sounds like you had a really bad discussion, (subject and attitudes).
Must've been annoying having him nag you about it repeatedly, what's it to him anyway? And whats up with the majority votes win attitude? That's not how friends treat each other. It is spiteful behavior.

It's just another bad experience, there can still be good ones. Don't give up friends entirely, online or irl. I'd even try be your friend if you'd like!

Take care

I don't know what it was to him. Maybe he was bitter that his friends were having success meeting women through their gaming habits and he wasn't, though snarking at his female friend who never ignored him and had no one trying to "pick her up" was just downright shitty.