Stress and ASD

[neo651]

I'll try and keep this simple since even a summary will be a bit long. My fiance and I both have ASD, before the new DSM came out we were diagnosed with Asperger's. She's recently developed a chronic illness that makes her unable to work and often unable to get out of bed. I'm finding that I may not be capable of coping with the stress of caring for her, but unfortunately there's literally nobody else who can do this at the moment and we don't really have any friends to lend a hand. My body insists on reacting to the stress by frequently shutting down and making me incapable of doing anything. I'll be fatigued, dizzy to the point of having difficulty standing, and if I do manage to stand my legs will often give out. So, effectively, I'll sometimes be as disabled as my fiance.

I've barely been at work for the past 3 weeks due to a combinations of the holidays and me already taking numerous personal/sick days. Furthermore, my job performance has been seriously affected and I'm concerned that I could be fired even if I can manage to continue showing up.

Back at home, my limited ability to care for my fiance means that our apartment is becoming dangerously filthy and since I'm normally a neat-freak, living in such an environment is problematic for me.

I've never felt more like I was at the end of my rope and I'm frustrated because I have the time to do everything that needs to be done if my body would let me. I just don't know how I can get my stress levels back under control. Please help.

 

[Tiina63]

I have Asperger's as well and have also been a carer (for my late parents) so I can identify with a lot of what you are saying. Is there any official help you could get, someone via Social Services to help on a practical level with housework and maybe a district nurse to help your fiancée with nursing tasks (washing, dressing) if needed? Maybe some counselling for you would be helpful as well.
Caring is very demanding and maybe you would cope better at work if you could see your job as a break from being a carer and as a chance to do day to day activities with other people. I used to look forward to the supermarket shop as it got me out of the house for a couple of hours every week.

 

[neo651]

I assume you are from the UK (correct me if I'm wrong). I'm in the US and as far as I know we have no such government assistance available. My fiancée could qualify for disability assistance (they just give you a monthly check). We've yet to receive a diagnosis so that makes the application process difficult, but it's definitely something to look into. Thanks.

Normally I do see my job as a break, but being under threat of losing said job it makes it just another source of stress. As is grocery shopping, incidentally, grocery stores have always been a bit too crowded for me. My fiancée used to accompany me grocery shopping because she could help keep me calm and I was working on learning to cope with it better but I'm just not there yet.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I assume you are from the UK (correct me if I'm wrong). I'm in the US and as far as I know we have no such government assistance available. My fiancée could qualify for disability assistance (they just give you a monthly check). We've yet to receive a diagnosis so that makes the application process difficult, but it's definitely something to look into. Thanks.

They passed a law saying that insurance companies can't discriminate against ASD, they have to pay for things. You might want to check into it because there is quite a bit of assistance for it.
As for getting disability, the process is long and horrifying if you are doing it by yourself. It is very difficult to get it and they almost never grant it on the first try. I'm sure you know this already, since your fiancee went through it, but keep trying and find other avenues to explore. Find some ASD support groups, call Autism Speaks or one of the organizations that help autism.
If you go for anything that requires applications for disability, it might be a good idea to contact a lawyer who specializes in that type of thing. They will know what to do, what your chances might be and how to get it pushed along.

As for the stress, what kind of stress relief do you do to help? You could try meditation or a punching bag or exercise or anything like that.