Suddenly, There is a Blank

[AFrozenSoul]

So for the past few weeks I have noticed a slight blank in my memory. Up until recently, whenever I held my Dakimakuras I could close my eyes and feel those feelings and sensations that you can feel when you are embracing another human being. However, last night it struck me hard that I could not remember how to feel those things. I latched onto my Dakimakura and I felt like I was snuggling a big stuffed animal. It was so weird how I just drew a blank like that. I mean normally, I feel... Well you know those feelings... The ones that you feel whenever you are embracing someone. Now, I just feel a pillow that makes me feel a bit more comfortable in bed.

Then I draw another blank, on how I should feel about this lack of feeling or memories. I mean, I feel like I should feel sad or upset, but I just feel blah... You know? Just like there is no more feelings when I snuggle up to my Dakimakuras, there is no feeling on how I should feel. It just is the way that things are and I cannot do anything.

I don't know, my lack of affection is one of my biggest causes of depression, intimate and otherwise. I would use my Dakimakuras to simulate that feeling, but now I cannot remember those feelings. Hmm... I don't know I am just confused.

Thanks for any thoughts.

 

[panfruit]

It seems possible that your ability to use your pillows to facilitate your fantasies will disappear. I used to be able to enjoy fantasies, feeling happy loving close feelings, but most of the time not, not anymore, not like when I was younger and felt like they were possible to experience for real.

There is also the fact that that kind of comfort is a waste of time that would be better spent trying to find ways to acquire them first-hand. Maybe yes? I feel the time I spent on fantasies is definitely a waste.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@panfruit: I tried that for a while and... well.. you know I learned the truth, that no one actually wanted anything to do with me in any aspect like that so I returned to fantasies because at least those could be positive feelings.