SUICIDE NOTE

[hitori1973]

Below is my suicide note. I posted this in the "networking" area by accident. I think it fits better under "loneliness"

I feel like killing myself but keep holding on in the hope things will get better. They never do, in fact they just get worse. I’m getting too tired to continue. I just don’t care about life anymore.
Will anyone who feels (or has felt) the same way talk to me?

Last Words
It seems that the better half of my life is over and from here it promises nothing but diminishing returns.
I watched my father grow old, weary, and depressed until I found him dead upon his bedroom floor.
I see my mother on the same path. She seems to me a shell of her former self and I miss her already.
Is this what is left - to watch myself become defiled by age and crushed by loneliness?
I used to be happy. I didn’t think my life would turn out this way - such a disappointment.
I imagined I would be happily married with children on whom I could dote.
That never happened. [my wife] didn’t want children but I married her anyway because I didn’t want to be alone any longer. Now she is divorcing me because my depression has become too inconvenient for her.
Love seems cruel to me. A dopamine-induced delusion followed by a creeping coldness maintained by mutual convenience. This is a reality too difficult to bear for I loved her more than my own life; but now she doesn’t want me anymore and I’m back where I started – sad and lonely.
The platitude about suicide that “it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” bothers me. I’ve struggled with my depression and suicidal feelings for over thirteen years and I’ve been painfully lonely for the majority of my life - it doesn’t feel very temporary to me.

To those who have ever held me in their heart:
Please don’t feel sorry for me; my pain is over.
I know this is a selfish act.
I’m sorry to leave you this way.
The guilt I feel about the pain my suicide will cause has kept me from following through with my plans for a number of years.
But is guilt really a reason to live?
I just don’t want to do this any longer. I’m too sad, discouraged, and lonely. I’m tired of picking myself back up. I think I have given life an honest try. Happiness has been elusive and ephemeral in my life. I’m done chasing the mirage and quit this life with no regrets except your pain.

To Mom:
I am sure my death will deal you the hardest blow.
I’m so sorry for causing you such grief – please forgive me.
I never wanted to do this while you were still living but I just can’t hold out any longer.
Your religious and political fanaticism has alienated you from those you love – including me. Don’t waste your remaining years on that crap. No one really cares about it - they just care about you.
You seem to have lost your marbles and it has been depressing for [my sister] and me to watch. It’s like the mother who raised us has been dying in slow motion before our eyes bit by bit for the last decade or more. I say this in the hope that you are still capable of changing for [my sister] and [niece]’s sake.
I don’t believe in religion, let alone share your beliefs. I don’t make any claims about what will happen to my “soul” after I am dead; I just want the suffering to end. I know you will worry that I am in Hell. I can only say: A god that is unable to forgive is no God at all. I have tried to do right in this world and quietly suffered a misery that most others do not understand. A god that would sentence me to eternal punishment is not a god worthy of love – only fear and loathing.
If Heaven does exist (and I hope it does – who doesn’t?), I hope to be there with Dad to greet you there when you arrive. But don’t be in a hurry to die (I cringe at my hypocrisy in saying this), Molly will need you now more than ever.
I love you more than words can express.
You have loved me more than anyone ever has or ever will – no one even compares. Thank you so much!
It is no coincidence that dying soldiers cry out for their mothers.
My greatest sin is leaving you like this. If you can forgive me I’m sure God can too.

To [my sister]:
It makes me extremely sad to think of you being left alone after Mom’s death. I wish we could have been closer, gotten along better, shared more things in common…
Please be strong and healthy for [niece]. Our family may have been built on a “broken” foundation and crumbled upon itself, but at least you have your own family now. You may have difficulties in your relationship with [brother in law] but is he not a good person? A devoted husband and father? Marriage is hard. There are no simple answers I can provide in this department…life and love are not like the TV shows we grew up with. There are no happy endings - just ups and downs I guess.
I know you will probably blame my suicide on my meds but I would not have made it this far without them. I have struggled with suicide since coming home from college. I planned my suicide as I went to sleep every night the year before I met Tanya. The meds at least helped to buy some time and keep me functioning. I still recommend that you give medication a try. You may find that your depression and anxiety have been weighing you down more than you ever believed.

To [niece]:
I wish I could have watched you grow up. You may not even remember me, but know I loved you a great deal and you provided me with great joy. Be smart, independent, honest, kind and most of all, do what makes you happy (as long as it isn’t harmful to you or others of course).

To my students:
The majority of my happiest moments this past year have been laughing with you.
I am ashamed of my failure as a role model.
I hope you never feel the way I have.
To those of you who REALLY liked me: thank you for being a friend; you understood a part of me that most adults never could.
I wish I never had to grow up. Empathy, idealism, and independent-thought can become poisonous in adulthood and survivors must find ways to limit their effects.

Goodbye

I was never much of a Shakespeare fan before but now Hamlet's soliloquy resonates with me greatly.

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of disprized love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.

 

[Punisher]

I can't think of anything to say...

umm, I sometimes feel what you are feeling, but I wouldn't to do it, because I can't leave my brother behind.

Think about your mother and what it will do to her. She already sounds unstable, and I'm sure you don't want to be the cause of what pushes her over the edge, do you?

 

[*Sigh*]

You really shouldn't think that your worse off than everyone else, enough to commit suicide!?! Seriously, I never married someone in my life before. Hell, I never even got kissed yet. I thought of suicide once, it might seem like an escape for hell, but your escaping a hell to enter another hell. You might be miserable, like many of the people in this world, but that doesn't mean you have to commit suicide. If you love your mom so much, then show it. Don't throw away your life, use it to help someone.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Please check your Private Messages.

 

[Sonic_95]

hitori1973,

PLEASE, for the sake of your mother, your sister, and your little niece, DO NOT do this. I'm sure your family cares about you more than you realize.

I know it must be hard seeing your mother and how she has changed, but I'm certain that deep down she cares about you and she would be very hurt to see you do this, and from the sounds of things, she is in the absolute worst possible position she could be in to lose her child.

Your sister will be just as devastated, as well as your little niece. Don't hurt them this way.

I know exactly how you feel, lonlieness and depression are not easy, especially when you have been going through what you have for this long. But help is available. Have you tried couinseling? I have known many people that have had counseling and it has helped them out a lot. I haven't been to counseling myself yet, but I'm about to very soon.

Give it a try. You didn't get this way overnight, and it will take lots of time to heal, but you will get there eventually. Just hang in there.

Take a look at a couple of videos:

This is a good one someone posted a while back on reasons not to commit suicide.



And Naleena just posted this one today. It has some numbers at the end to call to get help.



Take a look at those. And keep us posted.

 

[Punisher]

Don't throw away your life, use it to help someone.

Perfectly said.

I was going to say something like that, but i would of made myself sound like some kind of preacher guy.

 

[WistfullyDetached]

Hi hitori,

I would gladly talk to you, but I'm in the same boat. So I doubt there would be much comfort or healing I could give you. I'm sorry to hear the feeling is that bad

I've recently lost my faith in love too. It's hard to carry on, when a love you have given, so deeply and powerful, is not shared and reciprocated. It feels like a part of you is gone. Taken away, and that you will never have it back. Dismissed and abandoned.

Not sure what else to say... but know you're not alone.

 

[evanescencefan91]

hi hitori i can kinda understand some of your feelings just hanginon hoping somehing will change, but nothing ever does

i've never seriously considered suicide, but my first lonely weekend here at uni, the ethernet cables were starting to look pretty ******* inviting


hmm ilove hamilit's soliquy in my junior year, i memorized the entire thing and presented it to my class and i got like 25 extra credit points althought i have forgotten a lot of it i still love it

i know i might not be able to conivence you but please don't
no one can predict the future you don't know for sure how you'll end up if you decide not to do this

ihave you considered shock theeraphy for your depression it des sound kinda crazy, but we studiedit a little in our psyche cclass,and it's suppose to be very a very effective treatment, maybe you should try and look into that see if you can find a physician that offers it


just whatever you do, just remember that there are people that care about you


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[Naval_Fluff]

Suicide is never the answer man, as long as there's breath in your lungs there's hope for a brand new start. Just hang in there, and don't kill yourself. You'll be hurting more people that just yourself if you take that path

 

[SophiaGrace]

Electro shock therapy might be a good option

Have you tried ALL the medications?

Why dont you dedicate your life to helping others.... that would give you a noble purpose, no?

 

[wah]

You are not selfish and you are not a quitter, friend. Suicide is not always an act of selfishness and it certainly isn't a cowardly act. Your suicide note is but a testament to the courage that many seek, but few act on. If taking your own life was as simple as thought, the world would be a place with fewer people. By the readiness that you have displayed you have put yourself in the small percentage of those who have mustered the bravery to act on their final impulse.

You have come to that point. Now you can move on. You are courageous enough to stare death in the face. Life should now be a walk in the park.

Loneliness is not your enemy, friend, loneliness has no default. It is only what we choose to make of it. It can be our adversary or it can be our companion. There is so much it has to give if we're only ready to let it into our embrace. We can see the good in coming home to an apartment as empty as the list of our responsibilities for the remainder of the day or we can turn it against ourselves. Drifting into despair on the count of the solitude of our persons can only account for our circumstances, not our stance. Those who dream of your riches number in countless. Acknowledge the parallel universe that might be unfolding as you speak of the undoubted hardships put upon you in yours. See how you are under qualified and under educated on a job that is all but rewarding, unappreciated by your peers, down with half of the illnesses known to man, a father of two, ill-treated by their mother and their environment alike, laid off, unemployed, moving in with a friend and behind on a year of alimonies. See how you are reading your own suicide note on a forum for lonely people. See the smile of compassion in the light of the longing for a life that is about to be ended being depicted before your eyes.

Life is the price we pay for being alive, friend. To learn to wear a crash helmet requires a crash. You have now had yours. There is only an upside to rock bottom. Nowhere to go but up.

Sooner or later we all learn to see the glass half full, friend. You have so much to live for and so much to share. You are among those fortunate few to have the opportunity to pass on all that they are to the generations that are to follow. What more is there to life? There is a flare of invigoration still burning inside you and it is craving for oxygen that is a breath away. Stop, friend, and breathe in the love that has been given by all of those that have preceded this post and all those that will follow on this forum. That flare is as precious as the pain that makes it faint. You have been to hell and back and there is no guarantee that there won't be many more round trips. But life is a theme park, friend. The rides are crazy. Some make you vomit, some make you laugh, some are overpriced, some make you wonder, some are suspenseful, some are flat.

Life is about perspective just as much as it is about gaining it, friend. To strive is to be human, but at one point we stop and look around. Sometimes happiness is but a choice. Sometimes all the elements are there and all it takes is to see the crystal clear water in the lower half of the glass. We are surrounded by daily reminders of the fortunes we have been bestowed with and those who would trade our places in a heartbeat. Happiness is not always a perk, most of the time it's a struggle. Some people are happy not because they are fortunate but because they see the good in not being fortunate. You are on the outside looking in, grieving over the dreams as you watch them shatter before your eyes, failing to feel the warm rays of the sun on the back of your neck, a glowing light that will never shine on those protected by the roof of their content. Heaven is not a place to go and they don't charge admittance. Heaven is a free trip and everyone's invited all it takes to get there is to pack your bags.

We are all here for you and as for me, if you want a private ear, you know the drill.

 

[Zak]

Hi. I didn't read your post full cos it was too long for me to read in one shot. I can only say, I have been in your place before, that is suicide which could have happened any moment (was before some months) and I didn't even care to tell anybody. To say truth, I wanted to erase myself from everyone's memory and so I deleted my account from this forum, stopped contacting my friends in real life at that time (I sat home without going anywhere for like almost 8 months. Didn't even talk to my family much). Trust me!! I was sitting in-front of computer with Cyanide in my hands.

But I always had this feeling like something within is telling me that I have things left to do in this world before I go and as a result it got dragged a bit and a bit more. Like I was being pushed beyond the limit and forth and after a few weeks, the most important thing in my life happened and my suicidal thoughts became less and less and eventually it became some weird memory of a funny moment to me. I laugh when I think of it now that how depressed were I am before some months.

Another thing is, whenever I bring in this topic of suicide (I rarely did and only to a few close freinds), people always tell me things like "If you think you don't have anything to do in this world then live for other's sake, to help them, to be someone who care for them." It all sounded like BS at that time as I thought none would need my help anyway, so why. I guess you may be feeling the same when people say these things to you. But trust me, life is not just about giving up when you have reached the limit. It's about giving it more, pushing yourself further beyond the limit and this is not from any book or any internet honeysuckle. It's from my own experience.

I am not telling you to not suicide or to not feel depressed but just letting you know that it will all be pointless funny thoughts once you get over it.

Take Care.

 

[epileptic]

I had this analogy that I use to tell people of what I considered my situation to be like. It was me just standing, with a huge line of people as far as the eyes could see. The first person would hit me, and then I would shake it off. Then the next person would hit me, and I would shake it off. Then the 3rd and 4th and 5th and 6th.. etc etc. Shaking it off, trying to recover. But over continous beat downs, I became weaker and weaker. Getting up slower and slower. Gettting hit again and again and again and again. Lieing on the ground, beatin to honeysuckle. Arms weak, struggling to try and get up. It seems so easy to give up, I mean whats the point. Im just going to get hit again. But they keep on coming, even when Im struggliing on the ground. Again and again, getting hit over and over again. Its never ending. It will never stop.Untill you reach a point and realize that all this suffering that you are going through is irrelevant. You can just get up, brush yourself off, and just walk away. Many people surround themselves around negativity and try to push that on everyone else around them. At this stage in my life, people seem irrelevant. They are self destructive, egotisticle, megamaniacle sheep, that are ignorant towards their surroundings. The depressed/suicidal ones are the smart ones because they see what everyone else doesnt see. They see how this reality that has been created for us is not natural. They see the disharmony that is created by being seperated from nature. They know that there has to be something more then what you see in front of you... Sometimes you need to be broken down, so that you can build yourself up. The suicidal stage is a transition point. You just need to get past it.

 

[stella]

sent you a pm a while ago, not heard anything, really hope you're ok.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Life is unfair. Sometimes people sucks and life totally sucks in general.
I tried ckecking out at the age of 20. They had to strap my ass to a hospistal
bed for a month. I check out for another 2 years just getting totally wasted out of my freaken mind.

yes, sometimes it's what I make of it...other times it's just life on life's terms.
With all the bullshit I've lived through and survied through. I feel like giving
up or checking out every now and than. I lost someone that I love very much
last year and this warp the honeysuckle out of my perceptions and then some.

I also got an e-mail from a HS friend yesterday that I havn't spoken to in years.
He had to burry his 15 year old son 2 days before last christmas, after a 3 years
battle with cancer. It ripped my freind to pieces. He's still foggy about many things.

it is also this...he still cares about me after all these years. He still has a part of
him that wants to move forward and live inspite of all the pains and sorrows as I care for him.
He embrace and treasure every little moment of peace, happiness in his life today.
His wife is going out of her freaken mind.

I also have been talking to one of my ex-gf. She lost a god **** kinney. She's struggling
with the many, many challegnes in her life. The first word I heard coming out of her mouth
is "I'm sorry for hurting you" The first word that came out of my mouth is "I sorry for hurting
you and taking you for granted" For whatever it's worth we're making peace in our lives today.
This we have controll over...

I'm never alone and I never had the conner on the market to pains, sufferning or sorrows.
Life is unfair sometimes...However, Life did not single me out with it's suckiness.
Knowing this will not remove the pains or sorrows a person must go though...however
it gives me a sense of releave. it leaves the door opens in my mind so that I might see clearer
and not drown and get lost into the depth of hell that my mind will generate.
It also gives me hope...Poeple lived through it, gotten through it...
I'm not that specail. I can get through it too...

There's simple spiritaul teaching or accent teachings that's written on many ,many walls of temples.
It's about death and re birth...A person will go through many, many mental or spiritaul death and get
reborn again and again in a life time. (As Epilectic had also tried to explained)

In other words...hang on to your ass (don't kill your physical body) walk thorugh the process of your
mind going into a mental death and rebirth. Your perception of life changes. All things are new again
but at a higher level of consiousness. Having this forsite or wisdom...you're not going to do anything
stupid as you're going through the process of a mental and spiritaul death.
Let go , surrender, embrace it, acceptence, sieze fighting.

Growing pains...

 

[hitori1973]

Thank you everyone for responses – they helped me feel better.
I don’t want to hurt anyone who loves me by committing suicide it’s just that sometimes it feels the lesser of two evils…as messed up as that sounds. I feel like my mom and sister have both chosen paths that have alienated them from me to the point where I feel a depressing lack of connection with them to the same extent as any other person in my life. I have made plenty of my own alienating choices too.
Ties between people can seem so superficial or biologically instinctual to me sometimes that I feel like I’m living amongst a slightly different species than myself; watching things like some Jane Goodall, except I have no civilization of my own to return to…like I’m stuck in some primitive world all by myself.
But as I said, your responses helped me feel better. It is good to know that there are others like me in this world after all.

To punisher:
Thank you for responding. You have a Christian “bumper sticker” on your message. Are you here on a Christian mission to save souls? Why do you also have a Michael Jackson and a LGBT rights “sticker” showing? That is an interesting combination of messages. Don’t most Christian denominations condemn homosexuality?

*Sigh*: You really shouldn't think that your worse off than everyone else, enough to commit suicide!?!
Me: I used to pull myself up with the reminder that others have it much worse than I do. At a certain point, this reminder started depressing me more than I already was. As if “AS BAD AS THINGS FEEL RIGHT NOW, IT CAN ALWAYS GET WORSE. THERE IS ALWAYS FARTHER DOWN TO GO. YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHING YET.”
And as I age, I feel like things DO GET WORSE and KEEP GETTING WORSE and I ask myself “How long am I going to wait for things to stop getting worse before saying ‘f*** it – I’m done.’”

*Sigh*: Hell, I never even got kissed yet.
That sucks! Not even spin the bottle kissed? If you don’t mind me asking…Why not? How old are you? Are you male or female?

*Sigh*: I thought of suicide once, it might seem like an escape for hell, but your escaping a hell to enter another hell.
Me: how do you know you enter another hell? How do you know you aren’t rewarded with eternal paradise for figuring out life on Earth is pointless? Either scenario seems just as possible to me. I’m not religious in the least.
*Sigh*: Don't throw away your life, use it to help someone.
SophiaGrace: Why dont you dedicate your life to helping others.... that would give you a noble purpose, no?
Me: I do try to use my life to help people but sometimes it feels pointless because humanity seems so f***ed up to begin with.

To EveWasFramed:
Thank you for your note. Interesting username.
“It's better to burn out, than to fade away.... Def Leppard” I like this quote. Its funny that it came from Def Leppard Sounds kind of like a suicidal sentiment. Have you struggled with suicidal feelings yourself? (you can reply privately if you want)
"for moral reasons ... the world appears to me to be put together in such a painful way that I prefer to believe that it was not created ... intentionally". -Stanisław Lem
I like this quote too. Depressing but true. Maybe this world is a test to get into paradise/heaven or just a brief moment of pain to provide contrast to eternal bliss after life. Or maybe there is no life after death and the pain is pointless. I’m hoping for the former but have absolutely NO idea. My Dad didn’t believe in life after death and he wanted to die.

Sonic_95: Have you tried couinseling? I have known many people that have had counseling and it has helped them out a lot. I haven't been to counseling myself yet, but I'm about to very soon. Give it a try.
Me: I have tried it and am scheduled with someone new on 9/30. I had to schedule like two months out to get my first appointment. Just communicating with you people is therapeutic though.
It has been my experience that counselors can’t fix loneliness. I tried group therapy once but hearing about the lives of other people in the group made me even more depressed than when I came in.

Sonic_95: Take a look at a couple of videos
Me: the videos were decent – thanks for the links.

To WistfullyDetached:
I like you user name. Your statements meant a lot and helped me to feel “not alone” – thank you very much.

evanescencefan91: i've never seriously considered suicide, but my first lonely weekend here at uni, the ethernet cables were starting to look pretty ******* inviting
Me: I found college more depressing than high school and then found “real life” even more depressingthan college. I hope you don’t have the same experience and that you aren’t feeling so lonely right now. Contact me if you are – I’d love to chat.

evanescencefan91: hmm ilove hamilit's soliquy in my junior year, i memorized the entire thing and presented it to my class
Me: that would be really cool to be able to recite – and do so in a conversational style like they are your own words. It is really a brilliant and poignant piece of writing.

evanescencefan91: have you considered shock theeraphy for your depression
SophiaGrace: Have you tried ALL the medications?
Me: I’ll probably wait until I’ve run out of med options (which could take a while) but, then again, maybe not – I’d try just about anything to get rid of the pain. If I’m willing to go so far as suicide, I guess I should be willing to give electroshock a try. My problematic times are when my current meds stop working and I am in the process of looking for others that work. The process takes some time before you get it figured out – and then the fix is only temporary.

evanescencefan91: just whatever you do, just remember that there are people that care about you
Me: thank you very much.

evanescencefan91: big_247883.jpg (Size: 18.07 KB / Downloads: 7)
me: cute pic

Naval_Fluff: Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow. "I'm so goth I fart dead bats."
Me: I love your quotes. The second one really cracked me up

Suicide quotes:
Doug Stanhope: “Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and its sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. No one should blame you for walking out early.”

“Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit.” - Bill Maher

“Here in the bathroom with me are razor blades. Here is iodine to drink. Here are sleeping pills to swallow. You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To be or not to be. Every time you don’t throw yourself down the stairs, that’s a choice. Every time you don’t crash your car, you reenlist.” - Chuck Palahniuk

“There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is suicide.” - Albert Camus

“The thought of suicide is a powerful solace: by means of it one gets through many a bad night” - Friedrich Nietzsche

“Suicide was against the law. Johnny had wondered why. It meant that if you missed, or the gas ran out, or the rope broke, you could get locked up in prison to show you that life was really very jolly and thoroughly worth living.” - Terry Pratchett

“Suicide sometimes proceeds from cowardice, but not always; for cowardice sometimes prevents it; since as many live because they are afraid to die, as die because they are afraid to live” - Charles Caleb Colton

“I start to feel like I can’t maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don’t know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don’t know the answer, I know only that I can’t. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and I am already exhausted.” Elizabeth Wurtzel

“Suicide is the punctuation mark at the end of many artistic careers” Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

“I'll die before I'm 25, and when I do I'll have lived the way I wanted to.” - Sid Vicious

Suicide notes…
And so I leave this world, where the heart must either break or turn to lead.
~~ Nicolas-Sebastien Chamfort, French writer, d. 1794

To my friends: My work is done. Why wait?
~~ George Eastman, inventor, d. March 14, 1932

When all usefulness is over, when one is assured of an unavoidable and imminent death, it is the simplest of human rights to choose a quick and easy death in place of a slow and horrible one.
Suicide note.
~~ Charlotte Perkins Gilman, writer, d. August 17, 1935

Dear World, I am leaving you because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool - good luck.
~~ George Sanders, British actor, d. April 25, 1972

The future is just old age and illness and pain.... I must have peace and this is the only way.
Suicide note.
~~ James Whale, film director, d. May 29, 1957

I feel certain that I'm going mad again. I feel we can't go thru another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time.
~~ Virginia Woolf, author, d. March 28, 1941

“Football Season Is Over. No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax This won't hurt.”
Hunter left the note for his wife, Anita. He shot himself four days later at his home in Aspen, Colo., after weeks of pain from a host of physical problems that included a broken leg and a hip replacement.
~~ Hunter S. Thompson, author, d. 20 February, 2005

All fled--all done, so lift me on the pyre;
The feast is over, and the lamps expire.
~~ Robert E. Howard, writer, d. June 11, 1936

WE HAD A DEATH
PACT
I HAVE TO KEEP
MY HALF OF THE
BARGAIN.
PLEASE BURY ME
NEXT TO MY BABY.
BURY ME IN MY
LEATHER JACKET,
JEANS AND MOTOR
CYCLE BOOTS
GOODBYE”
~~Sid Vicious, musician (Sex Pistols), Feb. 2, 1979

Last Words Before Executions…
So the heart be right, it is no matter which way the head lieth.
~~ Sir Walter Raleigh, executed by beheading October 29, 1618

You sons of bitches. Give my love to Mother.
~~ Francis "Two Gun" Crowley, executed in electric chair 1931

I'd like to thank my family for loving me and taking care of me. And the rest of the world can kiss my ass.
~~ Johnny Frank Garrett, Sr., executed by injection, Texas, February 11, 1992

More stuff at http://www.myspace.com/byron_thomas

 

[EveWasFramed]

To EveWasFramed:
Thank you for your note. Interesting username.
“It's better to burn out, than to fade away.... Def Leppard” I like this quote. Its funny that it came from Def Leppard Sounds kind of like a suicidal sentiment. Have you struggled with suicidal feelings yourself?

I guess it's all in how you interpret it.
Burn out or fade away can be interpreted as living every day to the fullest, never stopping the persuit of what you want in life, instead of sitting back and waiting for something to happen to you.
So, not a suicidal sentiment at all - quite the opposite in fact.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

What the hell is up with this suiecide fadcinations crap?
It's freaken mellow dramma.

Stop feeding your mind the negativities.

Before you go saying I have my head up my butt or I'm mean
Please note I tried to committ suiecide and I sure as hell didn't
go round and round looking for quotes nor tell anyone...I just did it.
I've alive today becuase my friend found me choking in my own vommit.

My ex-gf used to make suicide threats all the time. And drove me crazy.

Most people the makes suiecide threats are on sometype of bottom..
Are you taking dope, pills, medications, have a drinking problems or sometype of addiction problems?

All you have to do is go sit still somewhere. At a park bench, on a rock ..ect.
And ask yourself simple questions...."where the hell am I at?"
"is there people being mean to me at this moment?"
"Is there something wrong just sitting still ?"

All the answers would be "NO"
You'll start to become aware of the moment and reality.
When you live and become present in the moment there's no freaken problems.
You become aware of the delusions and insanity that just gose spinning in your head.
It's basic meditations. You don't need to be a spiritual guru to BE Still and in the moment.

You can observe yourself typing or reading this post.
There's nothing wrong....you're just sitting in front of a PC , reading or writting.

 

[SophiaGrace]

evanescencefan91: have you considered shock theeraphy for your depression
SophiaGrace: Have you tried ALL the medications?
Me: I’ll probably wait until I’ve run out of med options (which could take a while) but, then again, maybe not – I’d try just about anything to get rid of the pain. If I’m willing to go so far as suicide, I guess I should be willing to give electroshock a try. My problematic times are when my current meds stop working and I am in the process of looking for others that work. The process takes some time before you get it figured out – and then the fix is only temporary.

Hitori,

Perhaps this is only true for the medications you've tried SO FAR. Have you read many self help books on depression? I mean have you REALLY tried to find what makes other's happy?

try looking into Buddhism. That helped me when I was sucidally depressed.

Try EST.

Try Vagal Nerve stimulation. (it works wonders on some people that have chronic deep depression)

Just, dont give up hope. Don't give up trying.

"it is in the darkest of nights that one can best see the stars" -Dave Pelzer

What are your stars Hitori?
Dont let this thing beat you.

It was you. You out of millions of sperm and odds against that egg being fertizled. You came out of a little clump of cells. You. Unique. A marvel of live unto yourself.

Dont give that up just yet.

It is up to you to drag yourself off the rocks. Up to you to find out what true happiness really is.

And, you CAN do it. You really can.

If your life is threatened, even by yourself, find a way to save it. For life is precious.

Life is precious in all parts of the world. Across continents and cultures, loss of life killing a human being is deemed wrong because of the sanctity of life.

Dont give up, dont give up until there are no more options. Dont give up until the last star, the last bit of possibility of a better life, is gone.

Keep trying.

Dont admit defeat so easily when you may find what you've been looking for this entire time around the corner.

Much Love,
Soph

 

[Punisher]

To punisher:
Thank you for responding. You have a Christian “bumper sticker” on your message. Are you here on a Christian mission to save souls?

Lol no, i'm here because i'm lonely like everyone else here. Being a Christian is a part of me, and i'm proud of it.

Why do you also have a Michael Jackson and a LGBT rights “sticker” showing? That is an interesting combination of messages.

Michael Jackson because he's amazing

LGBT Rights because they don't deserve to be denied marriage, and get lashed, imprisoned, stoned to death, or hung just for their sexual orientation. Some people are even arrested and killed just for looking gay.

Don’t most Christian denominations condemn homosexuality?

Some don't and sadly too many do, but the good thing is that the number of churches that do accept it are growing. I'm a member of an Anglican church and they don't have a problem with homosexuals. They bless homosexual marriages in church, and they even allow gay and lesbian priests.