survival of the fittest

[Fvantom]

Im gonna have to say something that not many people will like, Ive been on this forum for several months and far too often Ive read threads with the basic idea of "I will be lonely my whole life and theres nothing I can do about it" I have to ask people that post this, why do you even come on here? Whats your aim of coming on these forums just to say that youll never be happy and that youve given up?

Let me tell you about myself, Im 20, turning 21 in a few weeks. Throughout my teen years, 13-17, Ive had absolutely no friends, whatsoever. You know what that means? I was a complete outcast in middle/jr high school, and never had the great memories and friends that were supposed to come out of it, you look at my 7th and 8th grade yearbooks, ya know what youll see? two signatures saying "youre weird" and "who are you?". I was an outcast in high school as well, and same thing, no happy memories, no friends. I literally think about this every single day and I always get extremely depressed, knowing that I missed a great time and that Ill never get another shot at it...but I dont give up.

Im in a hell of a lot of pain because of that, but I keep going forward, because I know things are going to get better. Ive been on these forums for a few months now and Ive talked to a few people who have straight up told me that theres no hope for them, some of which being quite young (under 30) and no matter what youve been through, if you dont look to the future, youll never be happy, look at me, never had friends until I was 18, my entire teen years I was alone, and thats the time that you need friends the most, its hard for me not to dwell on that, but I always try to make my future better.

I can come on here and post a thread saying that Ill never have friends, but where will that get me? I few people giving me empty encouragement, then the thread dies. I ask for advice here, I rant, and I get painful experiences off my chest, the one thing I dont do is give up. To give up is to fail, another thing Ive seen a lot is people saying that theyll never be happy because they have trouble talking to people. From the time I was 10, until around the time I was 14 or so, I honestly believed I was retarded, I had NO social skills, I couldnt talk to someone even if they talked to me first. Over the last year, Ive been fighting my shyness and Im now able to talk to people, Im gaining some self confidence, and Im starting to make friends, slowly but surely. To everyone who makes excuses as to why theyre lonely, youll never be happy unless you find your social faults and fix them, but complaining here isnt getting you anywhere, these forums are here for hope, we come here because were all lonely in some way or another, and we post to give/get advice, share stories, and connect with other lonely people like ourselves, but all in hope for a better tomorrow.

Sorry for TLDR, if you read this whole post all the way through, youre awesome

(Fun Fact. I typed this whole post out on my phone an hour ago, just to have my **** iphone bug out and turn off on me -________-)

 

[Haz]

great post.

i'm all about personal growth. unfortunately, there are some users who won't be named I feel encourage the opposite, that either make threads to fish for confirmation of beliefs they are unwilling to have challenged, or to project jealousies and bitterness by belittling others through acting superior, claiming to be lonelier than thou because everyone else is stupid and nobody understands etc. it's an emotional black hole and really defeats the purpose of making an attempt to reach out to a community like this.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Keep up the good attitude.

In my experince...self pity got me nowhere...
No matter how unfair life had been.
No matter what cards life had delt me.
Dwelling on negative only creates
more negatives and reenforce more
negatives momentums...

The chioces and actions we make up our lives. If our lives isnt going as we wish or want to and The pains and miseries
that we feel are what our body and mind telling us WE NEED TO CHANGE.

Change the way we think/ believe, our attitudes, how we feel, our decisions then our actions...
( I listed those things in a particular sequence for reasons)

True, sometimes we all need to vent and let things out so that we dont carry it around...but we must becareful so that it dosnt become a habitual complainer..basically dwelling on the past and reliving it over and over again.

we create our own lives in the moment.
Thats all there is...is this moment.
Every waking moment we live is always in the NOW.

---

Makes sense? People that believe that theyre going to be lonely or alone for the rest of thier lives...will most likely creat thier life as so.. ITS FAITH AT WORK...faith has nothing to do with religion....

We live in accordance to our beliefs.

I do a lot of positive self talk. Lots of positive thinking. Believe in myself.
I keep my head up. Sometimes there
challegens or set back in my life...but
I stay positive and move forward...
For I know what I create in the here and now and what I dwell on (Positives) will also be my future..

Faith in netrual.
We can use it to work for us or against us.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Whiile Ive been in realtionships all my life and even when I was single...I dated lots of women.

The principle still remains the same..

I wish and want to be married to Renae. Its had/is always been my hope and dream..since I was 18. Our relatoionship
hasnt been easy...

I believing in US. I belieiving in me and her. Im taking whatever actions i need to do.
I love her very much...as she loves me too..
Were talking and communicating today. Working through whatever issues or challenges...whatever it takes.

 

[Ak5]

Oh I can relate to you and this post.

You and I, we're very much alike xD.

I myself have no friends (Jr high and now my second year in high school - I was homeschooled ever since I started High School).

I was one of those types of people who say "Oh, I'll always be lonely!". But then I realized: Friends come naturally; I mean really, everyone has friends! I was pushing them away, my low self-esteem and confidence did that. I remember my jr high school years, people did talk to me, people didn't make fun of me, yet I didn't talk to them, I ignored them! This realization gave me hope. I miss regular school.

Also, the FEAR of not being able to have those "great moments of High School" is what drives me to move forward. I WILL NOT let time get the best of me.

That's why I'm planning on changing to my local High School since I still have time.

 

[Fvantom]

Oh I can relate to you and this post.

You and I, we're very much alike xD.

I myself have no friends (Jr high and now my second year in high school - I was homeschooled ever since I started High School).

I was one of those types of people who say "Oh, I'll always be lonely!". But then I realized: Friends come naturally; I mean really, everyone has friends! I was pushing them away, my low self-esteem and confidence did that. I remember my jr high school years, people did talk to me, people didn't make fun of me, yet I didn't talk to them, I ignored them! This realization gave me hope. I miss regular school.

Also, the FEAR of not being able to have those "great moments of High School" is what drives me to move forward. I WILL NOT let time get the best of me.

That's why I'm planning on changing to my local High School since I still have time.

the problem with me was that honeysuckle happened in elementary school that sucked ever ounce of self esteem out of me and throughout middle school I had none, plus middle school was hell, I was probably the most hated thing in the school (for no reason at all) and I didnt start getting basic social skills until my last year of high school, even then I still couldnt talk to people unless they talked to me, even now I get anxious, but Im a hell of a lot better than I used to be because I remember, survival of the fittest, if I dont adapt and do what I need to, Im gonna be lonely for the rest of my life.

I would advise switching to a campus high school as soon as possible, join any clubs you can find, take any classes that can help with social life like orchestra or band, something where you really get to know people. I wish I had done those things when I went to school =/

 

[Lonesome Crow]

At 20 you're very, very young. You have so much in front of you.
At least you're getting it...some people never gets it.
You can live your life as you wish from this moment forward.
There's alway college or all kind of social clubs.

Yes, those old ideas and unworkable beliefs....Just throw the out like trash.
The old thoughts and ideas will return from time to time...
You'll catch yourself sooner and faster and just let go of them.
but over time it'll get dispursted or dialuted.

You'll make friends and find love. Believe that you can (new ideas)
See yourself with friends and lovers...Your self image.
If you feed this to your mind....over time it'll become your beliefs system
and will also work for you at a subconsious level.

It's realitively the same process that happened to you when you were younger.
It just that negative data got fed into you.

Bascailly just use the same process to work for you.
You actions or habits will become almost automatic....as it did when you were younger belieiving in negative informations.

It's not a macigal pill or a quick fix. However it's positive long lasting changes in your life.
You might even go through this same process serval times in a life time....
It's okay....at least you're not neuratic.

Nearatic people never change.

 

[Jonah]

The town where I live I feel more a drifter white at that. I am degree more ahead I guess and have a business that Only my script can work out. It's hidden for now although was once on linked and followed by some chinese buisnesses. Must a good business if they are interested becasue they to be the only race i aware of that understand me as a drifter that doeant speak poop to much. When i say poop i mean from the backoffice where my buisness is ... yes thats right it's my honeysuckle i built it and will keep it until i guess it's understood. Survival of the fittest is a good term but aint dead or plan to so my buisness is a lifeline for children hence no children.

 

[Luke_S]

Hi all, sounds like an interesting topic. I hated my school years, really hated them! I remember I didn't want to talk to anyone if back then I thought of them as cruel people that would hurt me any chance they got. Too bad I thought of this of a lot of people at school apart from a few people I got along with.

I was often afraid to talk to other people in fear of what they would think of me, if they would judge me etc... But really my own self-conscious thoughts were holding me back. I knew I was very far from being socially incapable, I had so much to say in my head, I had so many amazing come-backs to all of what people used to say to me, I just didn't bother talking back out of fear of being judged.

So when I left school it was absolutely f*cking amazing, I felt I could do what I wanted to do, be the person I want to be when I want to and how I want to. It felt like people thinking of me as an anti-social person in school was the whole stigma I got stuck in, when as soon as I left it was gone.

In school I was overweight, pale, and very shy or fearful of others. But back in school everyone was immature and weren't even aware of what they were doing, when I see old friends now they are totally different and have matured.

---

And the whole survival of the fittest thing is bullsh*t too in my opinion. Yea Darwinism does work and it's science (sorry if this offends some people), but really maturity and mental integrity is a lot more powerful for us and anyone can attain it with enough practice, than physical attributes such as having big muscles or whatever which don't do even half as much for you as personality.

I used to think this when I was exercising, it's good to have a great body and everything but really anyone can have a great body, but its meaningless if the personality isn't with you. I love to train and lift weights but really I know it's value only goes to a certain point. It can help me look better, but I think personality overrides physical attributes, and if anyone judges based solely on the way a person looks then I feel sorry for them!

 

[Ak5]

Hi all, sounds like an interesting topic. I hated my school years, really hated them! I remember I didn't want to talk to anyone if back then I thought of them as cruel people that would hurt me any chance they got. Too bad I thought of this of a lot of people at school apart from a few people I got along with.

I was often afraid to talk to other people in fear of what they would think of me, if they would judge me etc... But really my own self-conscious thoughts were holding me back. I knew I was very far from being socially incapable, I had so much to say in my head, I had so many amazing come-backs to all of what people used to say to me, I just didn't bother talking back out of fear of being judged.

This.

With solitude you learn a lot, and my one year of solitary confinement has taught me that most people aren't mean, they aren't rude; we just perceive them as that. Yes, there are bullies; but mostly everybody isn't one of them.

I thought everyone in school hated me and loathed me, I was wrong. I remember people talking to me, but I didn't talk to them. My shyness, low confidence and self-esteem just shut me down. When they talked, all I said was "yes or no" short and simple. I never smiled, I never approached them. I feared being judged by my weight and looks. Improving my fitness (diet and exercise), and realizing that most people aren't genuinely mean gives me hope. And everyone who is lonely should take a good long look into themselves and say "hmm, why can't I make friends?" instead of saying "I'm lonely, I don't have any, won't ever have any.".

 

[Luke_S]

Hi all, sounds like an interesting topic. I hated my school years, really hated them! I remember I didn't want to talk to anyone if back then I thought of them as cruel people that would hurt me any chance they got. Too bad I thought of this of a lot of people at school apart from a few people I got along with.

I was often afraid to talk to other people in fear of what they would think of me, if they would judge me etc... But really my own self-conscious thoughts were holding me back. I knew I was very far from being socially incapable, I had so much to say in my head, I had so many amazing come-backs to all of what people used to say to me, I just didn't bother talking back out of fear of being judged.

This.

With solitude you learn a lot, and my one year of solitary confinement has taught me that most people aren't mean, they aren't rude; we just perceive them as that. Yes, there are bullies; but mostly everybody isn't one of them.

I thought everyone in school hated me and loathed me, I was wrong. I remember people talking to me, but I didn't talk to them. My shyness, low confidence and self-esteem just shut me down. When they talked, all I said was "yes or no" short and simple. I never smiled, I never approached them. I feared being judged by my weight and looks. Improving my fitness (diet and exercise), and realizing that most people aren't genuinely mean gives me hope. And everyone who is lonely should take a good long look into themselves and say "hmm, why can't I make friends?" instead of saying "I'm lonely, I don't have any, won't ever have any.".

Yes! Sometimes even though we can be very lonely and isolated, you have to look within yourself and find what you have, everyone has the right to stand up and talk and not fear what others might think of them, everyone is a person and they have the right to stand up.

As long as what you say is true to yourself and not in any way meaning harm towards anyone else, then why the hell not? there is no shame in being yourself.

Reach out and grasp for what you want, might not get it the first ten times, but eventually you will get it. Dedicate towards training yourself to run a ten mile journey, not survival of the fittest but dedication and training, anyone can attain it.

 

[Fvantom]

Luke_S, just to clear up confusion, in the title, I meant Survival of the Fittest not literally, but to mean that no matter how shy or anxious you are, the only way youre gonna make friends is if you fight that off and get out and talk to people. Those who are too scared to talk to people and instead wait for people to come to them arent too likely to make friends very easily, but that idea applies very well to social situations, the strong (social, confident people) make a lot of friends easily and those who are too shy to talk will likely be alone until they get over their anxiety.

 

[Luke_S]

Yeah I thought that too, but as you were talking of Survival of the fittest it also brought the non-metaphorical meaning into my head. But either way it can be applied to a social form where a person can gain social skill over time, as with exercise under the right circumstances. But I don't really like to think of people as either social survivors or non-survivors, maybe some people choose to not socialize until they feel like it and are ready, I understand it takes time, I'm taking my time! Therefore it's their own choice, an independent survival choice.

 

[Jonah]

Social lives for me too is a patient thing even if reached a hundred years old I wouldn't complain about not having friends, family or anyone to speak to. I have traveled around the world and met the people that made me happy in a social term and I learnt from them as they learnt from me. Then there is the term so lonley I can't see the future, well stuff that idea i have dreams now that were not there before and there is an old saying that in a dream there are some truths that mean good even if those nightmares to deal with were scary.

Like i dreant once on a train that man next to me was eating so much he could not stop. I was reading a book and as i read more he changed his food. I can't complain though in the dream the man seemed agitiated and almost keeled over. Perhaps there was a secret here somewhere that if to much is eaten at one time and we read what we are eating then the rest becomes like daytrip.

So to survive is it best not to mention or read someones business. I think if you meet someone that makes you feel good for a long time and you meet for a second time and that feeling is mutual then its a good idea to keep that friendship for as good as you can in your own social bubble.

Travel, speak about my culture and I will tell my folks that that was not supposed to be done. I mention faith and tell you if you don't trust me ask others a question or answer from then come back to me and i'll tell you i told that i would never tell about your social structure. Here on in there is a problem, If my own people from my home social land question about other from far a field then I'll dream and sleep on it and if they keep asking me i will unfold my dream to the socials that trusted me in the first place.

 

[Fvantom]

Yeah I thought that too, but as you were talking of Survival of the fittest it also brought the non-metaphorical meaning into my head. But either way it can be applied to a social form where a person can gain social skill over time, as with exercise under the right circumstances. But I don't really like to think of people as either social survivors or non-survivors, maybe some people choose to not socialize until they feel like it and are ready, I understand it takes time, I'm taking my time! Therefore it's their own choice, an independent survival choice.

well of course, I was directing that metaphor at the people on here who complain and say how theyll never be happy, but do nothing to work on their own flaws.

a few months ago, I was at a low point, there was a lot about myself that I liked, but I still didnt start making friends, and I started to question if I was meant to be this way, but then I realized my shyness and anxiety were holding me back, and now Ive been rising up against that.

Just pretty much saying, if you feel like youre not making friends even though youre trying, theres something like shyness/anxiety holding you back and unless you can overcome that, you wont get anywhere no matter how much you want it.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I really don't mind when people post and seem very pessimistic about things.

The reason is, I don't believe that's most people's normal viewpoint. I certainly know that when I post on this forum it's usually because I want to discuss something that's biting me, not because that's the way things always present themselves in my head.

Many people come on here when they're in a poor mood, so it makes sense that they won't be one hundred percent coherent or do justice to themselves.

I try to be optimistic, but at times you just have to discuss an issue purely rationally to understand what's wrong (and what's right).

 

[Reposocial]

I agree with TheSolitaryMan. People's behavior and actions are a reflection of their moods at that particular time. I was feeling particularly isolated and lonely. Being a creative person, I had so many ideas and not enough time to fulfill them all.

So I thought of a solution for my creative side and my needs-work-social-side to be developed and put into practice.

Anyhow, it's called World Fingerpainting Day and it's just about people getting together in public parks to celebrate creativity together. The great thing about it is, it's for everyone. Young, old and is especially for people who don't have "creative experience" or "skill perse, because they can participate too and just be around.

Anyway, I hope to meet some new cool friends through it. And have an entry point with these people because "we're doing an activity" and I can tell them my inspiration for the movement. We've had a lot of people be really inspired and excited about the movement. It's definitely boosted my confidence. If you want a chance to breakout with strangers and do something cool.

Take a look! I'm so glad I found this board. I'm brand new and I want to get to know all of ya'll

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=134147150003152

 

[Lonesome Crow]

But some people dont take the time to
understand themselves....Not the suface Bull honeysuckle or what they had had for fucken breakfest this morning or their god **** moral issues..

To understand themselve as humans..
How their minds works. How they are driven by their emotional or react to thier emotions. Or they iddentify themselve with thier feels....

Yeah..I used to have anxieties...
But its just one of my emotions.
Simple living tool such as let go of your
negative emotions or stop dwelling
negative honeysuckle.
Its actually simple and yes..its like instant
gradifications after a while..becuase you actully get to choose your feelings
or its like hitting the reset button
to get into feeling peacful again.

True..I still get lots of negative feelings..I dont react to them...not nearly as much as I used to.

Ive made plenty of progress and my life
changed for the better since I became a member of this site

---

Heck...Ive even missed label my emotions...

Was it anxiety or adriline?

Was is boredom or peace?

 

[Luke_S]

I can understand where you're coming from. There are a lot of times when I am in a low mood, an if I were to talk to anyone like it I won't be as happy-go-lucky as I normally would be. Sometimes you feel like you want to curl up in a ball in some situations.

Although whenever I get the chance I will always make the effort to show people that there's always another day, another time for them for another chance. I like to see the good in people even when they are low, and sometimes just being around the right people is a great help for us to give each other strength.

I really don't mind when people post and seem very pessimistic about things.

The reason is, I don't believe that's most people's normal viewpoint. I certainly know that when I post on this forum it's usually because I want to discuss something that's biting me, not because that's the way things always present themselves in my head.

Many people come on here when they're in a poor mood, so it makes sense that they won't be one hundred percent coherent or do justice to themselves.

I try to be optimistic, but at times you just have to discuss an issue purely rationally to understand what's wrong (and what's right).

 

[SofiasMami]

I totally agree with fvantom. The forum is a good place to vent and I blow off some steam here every once in awhile too. But if you want to feel better, you have to help youself. We can be our own worst enemy sometimes. Motivation follows action. If you want to feel better, you have to get out of bed or off the sofa and do something about it and the motivation to be a better person will follow.

Teresa