well...there's an old saying...there's oppurtunity in chaos or devistations.
For me personally...I thought would never get over Jenni's death , the break up with Sherry
and the death of my grandmother. This past year.
It's been a journey and my ass fell off on many, many ocssions.
I've alway had a very, very hard time dealing with death or the lost of the people I love.
I almost went crazy when Jake died..one of my un borned children.
I went into a trance state almost. Then when the twins died...It totally shifted something
inside of me.
This pass years and been a major, major roller coaster, greiving and crying.
To top it off..after I was will enough to returned back to work...I got laided off.
It's like what fucken now????
However....there's a common theme I have with people everytime I watch a self help video
or aurthers of so many selfhelp books out there.. My experience is not any different.
Almost...if not everyone of those people had gone through some seriouse honeysuckle...some even
have worst exeperince worst than mine. Every, every devistating stories and experinces.
Those messed up experince forced those people to change themselve and take a closure
look at what's the heck is this life all about..or seek answers becuase the fucken pains
are just too fucken unbareable.
So in a way I know I'm not totally messed up or I'm actaully going through sometype
of seriouse honeysuckle, awakening , awareness, growth or evelusion.
I also know...they cleared pathes for me.
They share thier experince, strength and hope with me...
What did they do..How they got well..How they were able to go on...
Not just go on but live a meaningful life and happy lives.
I'm still teachable today...I don't have all the answers.
And I'm willing to follow some directions
I also know...as messed as life can be...I know there's love in this world.
I know there's people out there that do care very, very much about life and humanity.
I also know..no matter what selfhelp books i read or support group meetings I attend...
There's a common message I'm getting.
They all bascailly say the samething in different ways...but it's like something that I kind of
already aware of or a knowingness inside of me.
It makes sense to me...I've just havn't learn how to apply it or mastered it in my life.
That's why I'm still live.
So for me everyday is like an opportunity for me to practice all thses things I've learned
and put it through the flight test...My own experince, experiment or creations.
Even Jenni...was going through the samething when I was with her.
Her favorite saying to me was....
"how do we get there?"...."WE"
I don't have those major anxities attackes anymore today.
So I know there's hope and answers.