Since this is my first post I'd like to say HEY EVERYONE! thanks to everyone that is going to take the time to read my lil story I'm about to write =)
Heres the situaiton, I'm currently 20 years old and have been a student my whole life, have had various crappy jobs here and there but got fired/ quit a lot of them. I guess you could call my main thing at the momeny Graphic Design which I've been studying.
One thing I've noticed though is that as I've got older the way I think has changed considerably, but I'm not sure whether its a bad thing, or a good thing because I have gained a lot of social, emotional and life experience, but I've also noticed that I've lost a lot of my Spark that I had in my youth and I seem to always get huge feelings of lonliness from time to time.
When I was around 13-18 my life revolved around music, videogames, and college (not the social part but the hard-working part). But now since I've been at college for four years I have lost a huge amount of interest in what I used to call my 'thing' that I was proud of. Also I don't play videogames anymore, at all, and I was one of those 'hardcore gamers', now I fail to see the point in doing something that just eats away time and isnt very productive, but I still fail to actually find anything really productive to do instead of gaming.
I used to be a diehard heavy metal fan, but now I have opened my mind to all types of genres, particularly classical and trance. This was also what I thought of as 'my unique music taste thing', and I no longer dress like a metalhead, but I still wear black very often.
I can have good and bad days but I am generally not a depressed person and would do anything to feel content about myself as I used to (or it could have just been cockiness) . What has also made me feel worse is that I've just finished college and have a choice to either stay at home to find work or go to uni, but because I've lost a lot of interest in Design (by god I dont know how I managed that, I think its due to me hating staying on the computer too long which is why I quit videogames), I am currently wondering what would be best for me, not as in proffesionalism but what would actually make me happy.
And as for staying at home, I feel that everyday the room I sleep in gets smaller by the miniute, and I find it hard to relax in the same room I've been staying in everyday for almost my whole life.
Even though I oversleep a lot, I am a pretty self motivated person when I want to be, to fill a lot of my time I've taken up long distance running, weight training, guitar, I read extremely challenging books, but I feel that at the end of the day these amount to nothing because nobody is here for me to talk to and take interest in what I do.
I have some friends but not as much as I would like, but I get along with a big range of people that are into all kinds of music and hobbies but I always feel the guy thats in the middle instead of actually settling into a certain group, and it makes me feel I havn't really made any great connections at the end of the day. Girls seem to like me because I'm not afraid to stand up for what I beleive in and I don't like to be pushed around, and I love to listen and help people, I sometimes take it upon myself when talking to someone "how can I do something for this person, even if it means giving them value by actually taking interest in them" but still I get this...feeling : /
I have definatley matured a lot recently, I am still a rebellious guy that likes to bend the rules and try new things though, but it seems that my lifestyle, even though I have a lot of hobbies, has turned pretty stale, especially with what I would have called my chosen life proffesion.
I really don't know what it is that makes me feel this way, I can't describe it or even think of it as a developing mental problem since its so...strange. I mean why the hell do I feel like this? I have a lot to live for, its really absurd. I guess telling others would help me feel better, maybe I just need to relax but I think too much for my own liking!
Peace =)
Heres the situaiton, I'm currently 20 years old and have been a student my whole life, have had various crappy jobs here and there but got fired/ quit a lot of them. I guess you could call my main thing at the momeny Graphic Design which I've been studying.
One thing I've noticed though is that as I've got older the way I think has changed considerably, but I'm not sure whether its a bad thing, or a good thing because I have gained a lot of social, emotional and life experience, but I've also noticed that I've lost a lot of my Spark that I had in my youth and I seem to always get huge feelings of lonliness from time to time.
When I was around 13-18 my life revolved around music, videogames, and college (not the social part but the hard-working part). But now since I've been at college for four years I have lost a huge amount of interest in what I used to call my 'thing' that I was proud of. Also I don't play videogames anymore, at all, and I was one of those 'hardcore gamers', now I fail to see the point in doing something that just eats away time and isnt very productive, but I still fail to actually find anything really productive to do instead of gaming.
I used to be a diehard heavy metal fan, but now I have opened my mind to all types of genres, particularly classical and trance. This was also what I thought of as 'my unique music taste thing', and I no longer dress like a metalhead, but I still wear black very often.
I can have good and bad days but I am generally not a depressed person and would do anything to feel content about myself as I used to (or it could have just been cockiness) . What has also made me feel worse is that I've just finished college and have a choice to either stay at home to find work or go to uni, but because I've lost a lot of interest in Design (by god I dont know how I managed that, I think its due to me hating staying on the computer too long which is why I quit videogames), I am currently wondering what would be best for me, not as in proffesionalism but what would actually make me happy.
And as for staying at home, I feel that everyday the room I sleep in gets smaller by the miniute, and I find it hard to relax in the same room I've been staying in everyday for almost my whole life.
Even though I oversleep a lot, I am a pretty self motivated person when I want to be, to fill a lot of my time I've taken up long distance running, weight training, guitar, I read extremely challenging books, but I feel that at the end of the day these amount to nothing because nobody is here for me to talk to and take interest in what I do.
I have some friends but not as much as I would like, but I get along with a big range of people that are into all kinds of music and hobbies but I always feel the guy thats in the middle instead of actually settling into a certain group, and it makes me feel I havn't really made any great connections at the end of the day. Girls seem to like me because I'm not afraid to stand up for what I beleive in and I don't like to be pushed around, and I love to listen and help people, I sometimes take it upon myself when talking to someone "how can I do something for this person, even if it means giving them value by actually taking interest in them" but still I get this...feeling : /
I have definatley matured a lot recently, I am still a rebellious guy that likes to bend the rules and try new things though, but it seems that my lifestyle, even though I have a lot of hobbies, has turned pretty stale, especially with what I would have called my chosen life proffesion.
I really don't know what it is that makes me feel this way, I can't describe it or even think of it as a developing mental problem since its so...strange. I mean why the hell do I feel like this? I have a lot to live for, its really absurd. I guess telling others would help me feel better, maybe I just need to relax but I think too much for my own liking!
Peace =)
