The condition of a human.

[human_condition]

My name's Alice, I'm 17 (18 end of January), an introvert, and a musicy type person- I'm doing music as one of my A-Levels and I play Piano, saxophone and a bit of guitar. I write a lot of songs and want to end up doing it as a career, unlikely as it sounds. Why am I here?

I've always been so shy. Generally bordering on socially retarded. I'm to scared to meet new people as I know I will make a fool of myself. That's one factor.

3 years ago I had this boyfriend. We were young but if I believed in "the one" he would've been it. For various (justifyable) reasons, he dumped me after about 9 months- 2 1/2 years later I still love him and he hates me (again, justifyable). He was everything to me. He went and there was nothing. I've had relationships with two guys since then. I haven't been able to feel genuinley close to either of them, or indeed anyone really. The first guy KNEW me- I mean, really knew me unlike anyone else, and vice versa. Nothing can replace that.

I have 2 real friends. They both live a 40 minute drive away from me, and I haven't learnt to drive yet. One of them is in this great new relationship, so she spends most of her time with him (which I respect, having been there). The other is quite hard to get close to. I love her and she's great fun but she has this whole other life outside our friendship group and I suppose that intimidates me. Both my friends are far more outgoing, funny and better looking than me.

I spend every weekend lying on my bed playing on my laptop, waiting for night to come so I can just sleep. I don't go out- I don't know anyone to go out with. In a couple of months I'll leave school and go to uni, and I just hope to God I can turn this around and become a person I can like, and live with. This is killing me. All my peers talk about parties and evenings out and I'm here typing "I'm so lonley" into Google. I'm a waste of a life.

 

[NeverMore]

Hello Alice, I have a lot in common with you, I also consider myself borderline mental when it comes to anything social. I went through a similar time in my life last year (I'm 19) everyone talking about parties and what you'll do that night, while I just stayed home for the most part feeling like there was something wrong with me. But let me tell, you, there isn't anything wrong with you, it just happens that your personality is very introverted and that's perfectly fine. You can always look forward to college, because it seems to me like you will have an easy time making friends if you join the band or something musical, then you'll find other people you can relate to. But anyways, welcome to the forum, hope you like it here

 

[Desolation]

Hi there Alice, I am in a very similar position to you. I too am insanely introverted (I only talk to 3 people in class) and I never talk to people I don't know in real life. I hate it when everyone around me is talking about the parties they've been to and the fun they've had. This year has been the worst for this as there are so many 18th birthdays. I, of course, have been invited to none.
This is my last year of school and I'm also going to uni next year. I completely understand when you say you want to turn it around. I hope I can reinvent myself there too. Best of luck to both of us eh? I take it you're going to read a music course at uni? Whereabouts have you applied to?
Anyway a big welcome and remember that you are not a waste of life.

 

[human_condition]

Thanks! Happy to be here.

Desolation, I have applied to Brunel, Bath Spa, Huddersfield, Hull and Keele to do English and Music.. the English just broadens horizons I suppose, I could go into Journalism if the music doesn't work out. What subject do you plan to do?

 

[Blue Sky]

Hi Alice and welcome to the forum. Well I think it's about time you started driving lessons. If you don't like the way your situation is at the moment, well why don't you try and do something about it. There are members on this forum who will try to help and support you. So I think that you have come to the right place.

 

[evanescencefan91]

Ya, popular people talk about hanging out and going to parties like every weekend, I hate doing nothing by myself, thats why i always try to sleep as long as i physcially can. Just praying some one will call.

I hate it, and when i thought i had friends i just got so sick of always playing the hostess.

some people would be at my house tons of times, yet i've never even been in theirs, cause i've never been invited.

Lately all i've wanted to do is just die.

sorry to make this post seem more about me.

But I know how you feel, and I'm 16 so you can msg me sometime, I'll try sending you a message if i get to it

i also play the guitar though i'm not very good

i think it's so cool you can play all those instruments

I love music

what are some of your favorite bands

anyway welcom to the forum

peace

 

[mink]

Hey Alice, welcome to the forum
I hope things will take a better turn for you soon

 

[TalosNB]

Hi welcome to the forum i must say its pretty awesome that you can play all those instruments its quite impressive, i can even play one.... all during my highschool life i had the same problem as u except i chose to read instead ,the great art of escapism, and even now i dont have many friends and i either go out drinking by myself or with one friend ... sometimes you just stare at the phone waiting for someone to call ... or when your out hoping someone will come upto you.. sorry for that little rant but once again welcome

 

[Desolation]

Thanks! Happy to be here.

Desolation, I have applied to Brunel, Bath Spa, Huddersfield, Hull and Keele to do English and Music.. the English just broadens horizons I suppose, I could go into Journalism if the music doesn't work out. What subject do you plan to do?

English and Music, a very interesting combo, a lot of creativity and arts and it certainly does keep your options open. I've applied to do Computer Science, which in retrospect is a huge mistake seeing as I know nothing about computers T_T. I've applied to Imperial, UCL, Warwick and Essex. I was thinking about Brunel, but I have no idea whereabouts it is. Have you had any interviews yet? I've had all mine already, and I'm sure I've screwed up most of them, I'm no good at talking to people normally let alone at an interview. Anyway best of luck with you uni apllication.

 

[copperation]

How was it justifiable for your boyfriend to dump you and still dislike you? Did you set out to insult or alienate him?

Or are you being too hard on yourself for some kind of accidental occurance or foolish behaviour that anyone could have done? It's easy to blame yourself when you're shy because introverts have an inflated sense of humilty.

 

[human_condition]

Desolation, Brunel is in West London- I've always lived in the country so city life would be a nice change i think.

copperation, the story of Ash and I is a long and complicated one- we eventually became friends again after splitting up, then he lead me to believe I had a chance with him again when I didn't, so I got all bitter and alienated him in an attempt to get over him.

It didn't work.