human_condition
Well-known member
My name's Alice, I'm 17 (18 end of January), an introvert, and a musicy type person- I'm doing music as one of my A-Levels and I play Piano, saxophone and a bit of guitar. I write a lot of songs and want to end up doing it as a career, unlikely as it sounds. Why am I here?
I've always been so shy. Generally bordering on socially retarded. I'm to scared to meet new people as I know I will make a fool of myself. That's one factor.
3 years ago I had this boyfriend. We were young but if I believed in "the one" he would've been it. For various (justifyable) reasons, he dumped me after about 9 months- 2 1/2 years later I still love him and he hates me (again, justifyable). He was everything to me. He went and there was nothing. I've had relationships with two guys since then. I haven't been able to feel genuinley close to either of them, or indeed anyone really. The first guy KNEW me- I mean, really knew me unlike anyone else, and vice versa. Nothing can replace that.
I have 2 real friends. They both live a 40 minute drive away from me, and I haven't learnt to drive yet. One of them is in this great new relationship, so she spends most of her time with him (which I respect, having been there). The other is quite hard to get close to. I love her and she's great fun but she has this whole other life outside our friendship group and I suppose that intimidates me. Both my friends are far more outgoing, funny and better looking than me.
I spend every weekend lying on my bed playing on my laptop, waiting for night to come so I can just sleep. I don't go out- I don't know anyone to go out with. In a couple of months I'll leave school and go to uni, and I just hope to God I can turn this around and become a person I can like, and live with. This is killing me. All my peers talk about parties and evenings out and I'm here typing "I'm so lonley" into Google. I'm a waste of a life.
I've always been so shy. Generally bordering on socially retarded. I'm to scared to meet new people as I know I will make a fool of myself. That's one factor.
3 years ago I had this boyfriend. We were young but if I believed in "the one" he would've been it. For various (justifyable) reasons, he dumped me after about 9 months- 2 1/2 years later I still love him and he hates me (again, justifyable). He was everything to me. He went and there was nothing. I've had relationships with two guys since then. I haven't been able to feel genuinley close to either of them, or indeed anyone really. The first guy KNEW me- I mean, really knew me unlike anyone else, and vice versa. Nothing can replace that.
I have 2 real friends. They both live a 40 minute drive away from me, and I haven't learnt to drive yet. One of them is in this great new relationship, so she spends most of her time with him (which I respect, having been there). The other is quite hard to get close to. I love her and she's great fun but she has this whole other life outside our friendship group and I suppose that intimidates me. Both my friends are far more outgoing, funny and better looking than me.
I spend every weekend lying on my bed playing on my laptop, waiting for night to come so I can just sleep. I don't go out- I don't know anyone to go out with. In a couple of months I'll leave school and go to uni, and I just hope to God I can turn this around and become a person I can like, and live with. This is killing me. All my peers talk about parties and evenings out and I'm here typing "I'm so lonley" into Google. I'm a waste of a life.