methadone drs are harsh people, the surgeries treat them like gods as theyre rarely in so they have HUGE superiority complexes as many patients also fall for their mind games, they sit there not looking directly at you with a 'youre just a dirty smack head and im a prestigious doctor' look about them and a grin like they own the planet reclining back in a giant chair (you get a lower plastic one) twiddling their pens, they have the power to reduce your dose considerable and REALLY make you suffer and the f'ing well know it, that's the seat of their psychological power, they are also usually psychiatrists! thay are NOT even MD's who have specialized in pharmacology, they are just shrinks who have read some books on the psychology of addiction but clearly have no idea what it is like.
most on methadone grovel and simper before them sort of begging not to reduce their dose as just 5mg less means months of suffering.
the problem is i lost full and complete trust in the addiction treatment system when i spoke to many many addicts over time and i myself found this to be true, you can quit morphine/ heroin in about 2 weeks and be fine but methadone withdrawal is so excruciatingly painful you simply cant quit for a day, it is beyond anything it is reasonabe to expect someone to cope with....every addict ive known had said ; i can quit heroin but methadone is pure torture' and the scheme of replacing the less addictive morphine youre on with the MORE addictive methadone has a 95% failure rate by their own admission, that put a big dent in my trust in this scheme and considering methadone has existed since the 40's and morphine has been around forever in its plant form i think the drug companies and drs and anyone who knows anything about pharmacology knows you're better just quitting morphine cold turkey than ever ever getting on methadone, before i started many warned me its a one way street i'll never leave and they are **** welll right then the biggest thing to smash any trust i have in these guys is the drug companies tell them it is more addictive than morphine/heroin but the drug company lobbies who insist their brand name oy methadone 'physeptone' is prescribed 'donate' to the NHS with the intent to make sure that methadone programs are thriving and everywhere and policy isnt changed so they can deal their impossible to quit uber opiates to everyone
then i found out that for every methadone patient a dr 'creates' they get £1000 'funding' from that nhs drug lobby money paid directly TO THE DOCTOR!' and when i joined naive, not knowing didldy about squat the drs were the first drug pushers i have met in my life, every other drug dealer you chase after them and you do or don't buy it they don't care, someone will buy their stock either way....i have never had an illegal drug 'pushed' on me until i got into the clutches of a methadone clinic where they lied like hell to get me addicted to their drugs; treated me all nice, told me methadone can be seamlessly tapered (lie) and it'll be great, and that its less addictive than opiates (lie) with a high sucesss rate (lie) and blah de blah.
these days however after 5 years alone with stacks and stacks of medical and pharmacology books phd clinical pharmacologists read i know more about receptor sites, the science of addiction at a neurological, level and the effects of each opiate on the delta, kappa mu, and nop opioid receptor sites and how their structure as an organic or in some cases non organic structure effects these sites and the rest of the body works than they ever will as a psychiatrist that's just specialized in addiction psychiatry which is all these dudes are.
see these guys once they have hooked you try screw with you, they dont treat you like a normal dr would as to them im the dumbass smack head and hes the genius remember?
so these appointments are like mental chess games and most get confused buckle under and do whatever they're told but now i know more than them i can engage them in these chess matches they to try to 'catch you out' with and usually win.
for example i will saw very clearly and loudly 2 feet from them i used WEED the other day for my back pain and they'll say very fast (this one was Egyptian so he'd put on a thicker accent to do this) and say very quickly' 'youhadsome crack?' and if you arent playing the game of chess....youre tired or are having a bad day or thought he was confirming you had a little bit of medicinal weed and answered yes...they will have in your permanent file that you relapsed and went on a crack binge!
i have never had addictive problems with crack, done it a bit, not told them and didnt get hooked, as far as theyre concearned ive never tried it and i keep it need to know as you say the wrong thing and they will twist it in to the most ridiculous thing they can get away with
ive even had times where i just mentioned i was stressed out because i was stuck in the horrible shared house i was in and they were always making too much noise and partying too much...the usual stuff u get from inconsiderate housemates and you know what he put on my PERMINANT RECORD? when at the time i hadnt touched an addictive non medicinal drug in years?
he entered into the system that for 3 years to the present day (at that time) i was living in a CRACK HOUSE!!! yup a noisey shared house got warped and written down as literally me squatting illegally in a crack house with dealers and hookers and stuff!
so when you go in there it is a game of chess not a dr trying to help you but a dr that is:
1)trying to find a way to force you to consent to reducing your methadone script and being in chronic pain the result of that would be less methadone to keep my endorphin level as a reasonable level and thus a severe sensitivity to pain which would simply result in me either doing myself in from the pain or taking opium tea again to kill the pain as at the moment i and holding onto everything with my very fingernails, anymore pain and something's GOT to give,
2)trying to get you to say things they can twist into things that look bad on your record, anything to get a power advantage over you, having the power to make someones life a misery with painful withdrawals off a drug they tricked you on to is quite a power trip for someone who is a psychopath or severely twisted or sadistic and in these parts that kind of job attracts that kinda person, the same way the tsa attracts some people who enjoy grabbing peoples nuts...if youre an addict elsewhere they might be nice up your way....they are not round my area.
i gotta get up at 9 and i need 10 hours sleep a night and now i will only get 4 hours i willl be a zombie and in agony i wont be able to 'play chess' and i have been moved to a different clinic with a doctor i do not know or have even met i am severely depressed, in extreme pain and just do not want to lower my script as that will mean more pain due to which i will personally have to either self medicate or give the material world up....her goal will be to try to trip me up,....the 60ml a day they give me has me agonizingly withdrawing 5 hours a day before the dose is due as it is but if i start taking it early its obvious that will lead to taking it earlier and earlier
her goal will be to take some off my script and i just cant cope with that i need to keep it, it barely works at the dose it is at. but shes new i dont know what approach she will attempt to take.... willl it be the superior approach, the 'welll im concerned you've been on that dose a long time' approach, the 'im very nice and will pretend i care to lure you into reduction approach, i dunno what to expect, i'll be sleep deprived, this will be HELL tomorrow. theres a 1 in 10,000 chance I'll get one that appreciates i am very sick and just need to be left alone as i am barely alive these days unless i get what i NEED to fix ALL this illness and it isnt a drug
i am deeply dreading this, my spirit tells me it'll go bad, my brain agrees, i feel like i have an appointment with an executioner tomorrow NOT a doctor :'-( please if you believe in any form of positive deity (no disrespect but if you are a satanist or luciferian...no prayers for me to that dude thank you) or just believe you can direct positive force or energy please please direct your good will toward me and basically pray for me? PLEASE?, if pure atheist then maybe a pm with a hug in it? please? infact i could do with those as wel :'-( i am utterly terrified, this person could make my life a living hell at the stroke of a pen
most on methadone grovel and simper before them sort of begging not to reduce their dose as just 5mg less means months of suffering.
the problem is i lost full and complete trust in the addiction treatment system when i spoke to many many addicts over time and i myself found this to be true, you can quit morphine/ heroin in about 2 weeks and be fine but methadone withdrawal is so excruciatingly painful you simply cant quit for a day, it is beyond anything it is reasonabe to expect someone to cope with....every addict ive known had said ; i can quit heroin but methadone is pure torture' and the scheme of replacing the less addictive morphine youre on with the MORE addictive methadone has a 95% failure rate by their own admission, that put a big dent in my trust in this scheme and considering methadone has existed since the 40's and morphine has been around forever in its plant form i think the drug companies and drs and anyone who knows anything about pharmacology knows you're better just quitting morphine cold turkey than ever ever getting on methadone, before i started many warned me its a one way street i'll never leave and they are **** welll right then the biggest thing to smash any trust i have in these guys is the drug companies tell them it is more addictive than morphine/heroin but the drug company lobbies who insist their brand name oy methadone 'physeptone' is prescribed 'donate' to the NHS with the intent to make sure that methadone programs are thriving and everywhere and policy isnt changed so they can deal their impossible to quit uber opiates to everyone
then i found out that for every methadone patient a dr 'creates' they get £1000 'funding' from that nhs drug lobby money paid directly TO THE DOCTOR!' and when i joined naive, not knowing didldy about squat the drs were the first drug pushers i have met in my life, every other drug dealer you chase after them and you do or don't buy it they don't care, someone will buy their stock either way....i have never had an illegal drug 'pushed' on me until i got into the clutches of a methadone clinic where they lied like hell to get me addicted to their drugs; treated me all nice, told me methadone can be seamlessly tapered (lie) and it'll be great, and that its less addictive than opiates (lie) with a high sucesss rate (lie) and blah de blah.
these days however after 5 years alone with stacks and stacks of medical and pharmacology books phd clinical pharmacologists read i know more about receptor sites, the science of addiction at a neurological, level and the effects of each opiate on the delta, kappa mu, and nop opioid receptor sites and how their structure as an organic or in some cases non organic structure effects these sites and the rest of the body works than they ever will as a psychiatrist that's just specialized in addiction psychiatry which is all these dudes are.
see these guys once they have hooked you try screw with you, they dont treat you like a normal dr would as to them im the dumbass smack head and hes the genius remember?
so these appointments are like mental chess games and most get confused buckle under and do whatever they're told but now i know more than them i can engage them in these chess matches they to try to 'catch you out' with and usually win.
for example i will saw very clearly and loudly 2 feet from them i used WEED the other day for my back pain and they'll say very fast (this one was Egyptian so he'd put on a thicker accent to do this) and say very quickly' 'youhadsome crack?' and if you arent playing the game of chess....youre tired or are having a bad day or thought he was confirming you had a little bit of medicinal weed and answered yes...they will have in your permanent file that you relapsed and went on a crack binge!
i have never had addictive problems with crack, done it a bit, not told them and didnt get hooked, as far as theyre concearned ive never tried it and i keep it need to know as you say the wrong thing and they will twist it in to the most ridiculous thing they can get away with
ive even had times where i just mentioned i was stressed out because i was stuck in the horrible shared house i was in and they were always making too much noise and partying too much...the usual stuff u get from inconsiderate housemates and you know what he put on my PERMINANT RECORD? when at the time i hadnt touched an addictive non medicinal drug in years?
he entered into the system that for 3 years to the present day (at that time) i was living in a CRACK HOUSE!!! yup a noisey shared house got warped and written down as literally me squatting illegally in a crack house with dealers and hookers and stuff!
so when you go in there it is a game of chess not a dr trying to help you but a dr that is:
1)trying to find a way to force you to consent to reducing your methadone script and being in chronic pain the result of that would be less methadone to keep my endorphin level as a reasonable level and thus a severe sensitivity to pain which would simply result in me either doing myself in from the pain or taking opium tea again to kill the pain as at the moment i and holding onto everything with my very fingernails, anymore pain and something's GOT to give,
2)trying to get you to say things they can twist into things that look bad on your record, anything to get a power advantage over you, having the power to make someones life a misery with painful withdrawals off a drug they tricked you on to is quite a power trip for someone who is a psychopath or severely twisted or sadistic and in these parts that kind of job attracts that kinda person, the same way the tsa attracts some people who enjoy grabbing peoples nuts...if youre an addict elsewhere they might be nice up your way....they are not round my area.
i gotta get up at 9 and i need 10 hours sleep a night and now i will only get 4 hours i willl be a zombie and in agony i wont be able to 'play chess' and i have been moved to a different clinic with a doctor i do not know or have even met i am severely depressed, in extreme pain and just do not want to lower my script as that will mean more pain due to which i will personally have to either self medicate or give the material world up....her goal will be to try to trip me up,....the 60ml a day they give me has me agonizingly withdrawing 5 hours a day before the dose is due as it is but if i start taking it early its obvious that will lead to taking it earlier and earlier
her goal will be to take some off my script and i just cant cope with that i need to keep it, it barely works at the dose it is at. but shes new i dont know what approach she will attempt to take.... willl it be the superior approach, the 'welll im concerned you've been on that dose a long time' approach, the 'im very nice and will pretend i care to lure you into reduction approach, i dunno what to expect, i'll be sleep deprived, this will be HELL tomorrow. theres a 1 in 10,000 chance I'll get one that appreciates i am very sick and just need to be left alone as i am barely alive these days unless i get what i NEED to fix ALL this illness and it isnt a drug
i am deeply dreading this, my spirit tells me it'll go bad, my brain agrees, i feel like i have an appointment with an executioner tomorrow NOT a doctor :'-( please if you believe in any form of positive deity (no disrespect but if you are a satanist or luciferian...no prayers for me to that dude thank you) or just believe you can direct positive force or energy please please direct your good will toward me and basically pray for me? PLEASE?, if pure atheist then maybe a pm with a hug in it? please? infact i could do with those as wel :'-( i am utterly terrified, this person could make my life a living hell at the stroke of a pen