The one doing all the work?

[Papabear]

Has anyone noticed in their social situations that they are the one doing all the work or making all the effort?

Relationships of all forms rarely come without bumps; friendships, family, lovers... all of those require effort to make them work...

I generally feel like I'm the only one putting forth any effort. I guess I question what that says about me (nobody wants to put any effort into maintaining a relationship with me). But a lot of the times it just makes me feel like I'm being taken for granted. Only problem is that being alone is so effing boring, but I'm getting to the point where I'm about to tell everyone to go fresia off and if they want to be friends with me they can come make it work for a while....

 

[darkwall]

I like that you used both "effing" and "fresia" in the same sentence.

The truth is that human networks are fragile things that need constant stimuli. Do you know what I noticed? One day I was on LiveJournal, looking at all my friends' comment stats on their profiles, and what I discovered is that the majority of them would post many more comments than they would receive, and then the other fraction would receive loads of comments and hardly post any.

I think this is probably true of society in general - most people probably call people more than they get called, except with a minority of people who are usually both selfish and somehow popular ... ask everyone on ALL, and most would say they felt the same as you.

 

[*Sigh*]

Has anyone noticed in their social situations that they are the one doing all the work or making all the effort?

Relationships of all forms rarely come without bumps; friendships, family, lovers... all of those require effort to make them work...

I generally feel like I'm the only one putting forth any effort. I guess I question what that says about me (nobody wants to put any effort into maintaining a relationship with me). But a lot of the times it just makes me feel like I'm being taken for granted. Only problem is that being alone is so effing boring, but I'm getting to the point where I'm about to tell everyone to go fresia off and if they want to be friends with me they can come make it work for a while....

Ya I know what you mean. Every time I talk to someone it feels like I am asking all the questions, and the person I am talking with doesn't seem to give a rat's ass about me. It is indeed frustrating and it makes feel unwanted.

 

[hellopanda]

Oh I totally know what you mean. Like you're just sort of the background friend who they contact when they need you, and the rest of the time they're off being bff and only including you if they remember you exist. At one point you'll realize it's not your job to do the work and that you want to associate with people who want to associate with you.

 

[Mackie]

I totally understand how you feel. My so-called "friends" (I don't use the Sarcastic Quotes, but I'm starting to seriously doubt if they are my friends) rarely IM me these days. When I IM them, I'm usually the one driving what little conversation there is until they finally just stop responding. This trend has been especially strong with my best friend. She is usually conveniently on WoW or talking to some super fun dude she met online some time ago. I try to be entertaining without being fake, but I guess I'm not good enough for her attention or something.

I would tell them all to fresia off, but I want to make these relationships work as they're the only friends I have. However, I think that they've grown tired of me for whatever reason and either they don't have the balls to tell me to go away or they like seeing me chase after them. I would make new friends, but I seem to suck at that.

 

[Christina Sarah]

I can totally relate. RL "friends" I cared about would only hang out with me if I put the peddles into motion by offering to treat them out or something.

They'd tell me that they can't go anywhere or do anything, but then I would see them posting statuses mentioning how much fun they're having with other friends right afterward. Things like that...

Am I way off on this?

 

[VanillaCreme]

Not that I ever was the one to go out or go party, but that's why I started to leave people alone. I didn't see a point in even bringing it up.

 

[wantabluesky]

Has anyone noticed in their social situations that they are the one doing all the work or making all the effort?

Relationships of all forms rarely come without bumps; friendships, family, lovers... all of those require effort to make them work...

I generally feel like I'm the only one putting forth any effort. I guess I question what that says about me (nobody wants to put any effort into maintaining a relationship with me). But a lot of the times it just makes me feel like I'm being taken for granted. Only problem is that being alone is so effing boring, but I'm getting to the point where I'm about to tell everyone to go fresia off and if they want to be friends with me they can come make it work for a while....

I totally can relate to that feeling. i was the one who made all the calls to my then close girlfriend..but if i didn't call her, she never did. and a lot of times when i share my feelings and thoughts, they r not reciprocal. she always validated my thinking but just stopped there. also when i had an operation, she did not even drop an email to say 'hope everything goes well" (she knew i was about to go to hospital) now i let go this friendship, i guess she never cares. and this cuts me...

 

[SophiaGrace]

People are weird. You have to sniff out whether or not you should give them mental space and when to do this. Leave, come back. Leave, Come back. Otherwize your presence becomes annoying to them for some reason. Perhaps that's just how human relations work. You have to constantly work on refreshing/renewing the friendship/relationship in some way. Make them miss your presence. Then they will talk to you the next time you show up.

I've found that very few people actually reciprocate your feelings on the same level and in the same way regardless of what your feelings may be for that particular person.

Personally, i decide to move away from people when they no longer interest me because honestly I have to choose and pick who I will keep in my life permanently and I cant do this for everyone. Perhaps this is why some people keep a distance. They just arent interested in you. There is no "chemistry". So this may not be something to take personally if you think about it..

It just is..

 

[wantabluesky]

People are weird. You have to sniff out whether or not you should give them mental space and when to do this. Leave, come back. Leave, Come back. Otherwize your presence becomes annoying to them for some reason. Perhaps that's just how human relations work. You have to constantly work on refreshing/renewing the friendship/relationship in some way. Make them miss your presence. Then they will talk to you the next time you show up.

I've found that very few people actually reciprocate your feelings on the same level and in the same way regardless of what your feelings may be for that particular person.

Personally, i decide to move away from people when they no longer interest me because honestly I have to choose and pick who I will keep in my life permanently and I cant do this for everyone. Perhaps this is why some people keep a distance. They just arent interested in you. There is no "chemistry". So this may not be something to take personally if you think about it..

It just is..

I agree, in the past i used to try to befriend with everyone, even the ones I don't necessarily like. and of course, when u try to make friends just becoz u want connections or want to make yourself look good and popular, people r not stupid, they sooner or later find out that u r not as sincere as they thought, so they leave u. this has happened to me, and made me sad. i was sad becoz i felt that looked bad for me, not becoz i realli cared about them. like one girl who always bitches ppl behind their back, i realli dislike her for that. she is also quite dominating and controlling, but becoz i always thought myself as someone who is good with people, i befriended her. at the end i realli couldn't stand her bitching so i started to keep a distance, which upset her significantly. now she is bitching about me behind my back (karma i guess..i don't blame anyone for that)
another girl, she is very smart but at the same time arrogant, selfish and secretive. i NEVER like her, never did, never will. but becoz she is smart, and the only girl who could stay on the top (academically) as me in my group. i chose to befriend her, becoz i thought i could learn from her (study-wise) although i don't like her as a person. however, things didn't work well....she fights for every chance she gets to do things and so do I, she keeps everything to herself despite me sharing things with her, so i got hurt and started to keep things to myself, too.
one day she stopped talking to me all of sudden, and now i don't talk2 her any more.

in a way itz kinda like punishment for myself, because i was selfish myself, i befriend ppl i dunt like (as long as they r useful to me) ..at the end i lose them, and for the worse, they become your enemies...

like you said, if there is no 'chemistry' it just won't work out..doesn't matter how hard u try... ( stupid me i didn't realise that, i thought i could achieve anything i want...stupid...)
also for me, i just need to be true to myself and other ppl..and change for the better