C
Coverage
Guest
This topic really delves into the root cause of my lack of self esteem and my loneliness. I fully understand that there are many people out there who live with far worse physical ailments than I do, and I do feel a tinge of guilt over how much trouble and self pity my condition causes me, however the fact is that it does bother me in at a very deep level and it is a problem that I struggle to deal with.
I was born with a genetic skin condition science refers to as a type of Epidermolytic Hyperkeratosis Ichthyosis
. A short and generalized term for it is Ichthyosis. In my particular case my skin cells are produced at about 10x the normal rate. This basically deforms my skin and causes many of its functions to not work as they should. As a result my skin builds up rough patches all over my body, which is popularly described as “fish scales”. My skin is almost completely unable to sustain moisture, which results in extreme dryness, causing the skin to become very hard, flaky, and cracked. To help avoid this problem I must put some sort of moisturizer on all over my body in order to keep the skin soft, comfortable, and somewhat “normal’ in appearance. The particular moisturizer I use is Vaseline due to its quantity, cheaper price, and it stays on the skin for an extended period of time. So basically my skin goes from being either very greasy and sticky from the Vaseline or very dry and rough from my skins lack of moisture.
(Vaseline is not the recommended creme for my skin, however the best types are rather expensive and/or do not stay in the skin for very long, which would result in me having to replace it on my skin multiple times per day, which I have no interest in)
My skin is also very tender and vulnerable. The top layers of skin slides off if a certain amount of force is applied, which reveals a raw, red layer of skin that then needs to be protected from bacteria and touch. My skin does not have workable sweat glands which leaves my body without a way to cool itself. If left in very hot conditions for too long I will suffer a stroke much faster than normal people would.
My skin also traps bacteria under its layers which results in unavoidable body odor. Because the problem lies mostly under my skin, regular soaps and deodorants do not help me much. Only taking internal ant-bacterial medication truly helps bring down the body odor that my skin produces. Although it is not very bad when controlled, it is still noticeable at times if someone is close to me.
(Here is a picture on the internet that I found which closely resembles what my hands look like if they were unmoisturized. The hands do tend to be alittle worse, so the rest of my skin, although similar, would not be as bad as the hands. Also please note that some may find this picture alittle disturbing, which is why I didn’t place it directly in the thread. Link to Picture )
That is a very quick run through of my skin disease. It is all this combined (plus other issues) that causes me so much trouble with other people and to have such low self esteem. As I’ve mentioned in other posts, I’m 20 and never had a girlfriend. I’ve never been able to form a close relationship with a female my age and I cant even remember a time a girl ever actually touched my bare skin.
Because my skin has such an abnormal look, touch, and smell to it, I’ve naturally had to deal with many people who would hate nothing more than to have to stand within a close radius of me. Because I’ve seen so many girls who are frankly disgusted by my condition, I just don’t have the confidence within me to approach girls or even attempt to ask one out on a date.
Eventually even getting a date would present new challenges to overcome. My skin is in a condition where it will never feel normal in any way. My partner would never be able to touch any area of my skin without feeling the greasy, rough, scales. Many of my family members avoid touching my skin, and to this day I absolutely hate having to touch my own skin.
Nobody knows how I truly feel about my disease. To everyone I act as if I am content with myself and have no worries, however It is constantly eating away at me. I take no medication and I do not take any drugs as a way to ‘cope’. I personally feel as If I can make do without any of that, however my loneliness and anxiety over dealing with other people seriously impacts my college performance and my willingness to do the things I need to do.
I’m sorry this is so long, and I don’t really know what I’m looking to get out of posting this in the forums, but I’ve never described my feelings on this matter to anyone and so maybe I just felt like getting it out of me in a fairly anonymous way. Feel free to post any questions or comments, but if you don’t know how to respond then don’t worry about it.
And if you actually made it through this entire thing then congratulations! I have no prizes though
I was born with a genetic skin condition science refers to as a type of Epidermolytic Hyperkeratosis Ichthyosis
. A short and generalized term for it is Ichthyosis. In my particular case my skin cells are produced at about 10x the normal rate. This basically deforms my skin and causes many of its functions to not work as they should. As a result my skin builds up rough patches all over my body, which is popularly described as “fish scales”. My skin is almost completely unable to sustain moisture, which results in extreme dryness, causing the skin to become very hard, flaky, and cracked. To help avoid this problem I must put some sort of moisturizer on all over my body in order to keep the skin soft, comfortable, and somewhat “normal’ in appearance. The particular moisturizer I use is Vaseline due to its quantity, cheaper price, and it stays on the skin for an extended period of time. So basically my skin goes from being either very greasy and sticky from the Vaseline or very dry and rough from my skins lack of moisture.
(Vaseline is not the recommended creme for my skin, however the best types are rather expensive and/or do not stay in the skin for very long, which would result in me having to replace it on my skin multiple times per day, which I have no interest in)
My skin is also very tender and vulnerable. The top layers of skin slides off if a certain amount of force is applied, which reveals a raw, red layer of skin that then needs to be protected from bacteria and touch. My skin does not have workable sweat glands which leaves my body without a way to cool itself. If left in very hot conditions for too long I will suffer a stroke much faster than normal people would.
My skin also traps bacteria under its layers which results in unavoidable body odor. Because the problem lies mostly under my skin, regular soaps and deodorants do not help me much. Only taking internal ant-bacterial medication truly helps bring down the body odor that my skin produces. Although it is not very bad when controlled, it is still noticeable at times if someone is close to me.
(Here is a picture on the internet that I found which closely resembles what my hands look like if they were unmoisturized. The hands do tend to be alittle worse, so the rest of my skin, although similar, would not be as bad as the hands. Also please note that some may find this picture alittle disturbing, which is why I didn’t place it directly in the thread. Link to Picture )
That is a very quick run through of my skin disease. It is all this combined (plus other issues) that causes me so much trouble with other people and to have such low self esteem. As I’ve mentioned in other posts, I’m 20 and never had a girlfriend. I’ve never been able to form a close relationship with a female my age and I cant even remember a time a girl ever actually touched my bare skin.
Because my skin has such an abnormal look, touch, and smell to it, I’ve naturally had to deal with many people who would hate nothing more than to have to stand within a close radius of me. Because I’ve seen so many girls who are frankly disgusted by my condition, I just don’t have the confidence within me to approach girls or even attempt to ask one out on a date.
Eventually even getting a date would present new challenges to overcome. My skin is in a condition where it will never feel normal in any way. My partner would never be able to touch any area of my skin without feeling the greasy, rough, scales. Many of my family members avoid touching my skin, and to this day I absolutely hate having to touch my own skin.
Nobody knows how I truly feel about my disease. To everyone I act as if I am content with myself and have no worries, however It is constantly eating away at me. I take no medication and I do not take any drugs as a way to ‘cope’. I personally feel as If I can make do without any of that, however my loneliness and anxiety over dealing with other people seriously impacts my college performance and my willingness to do the things I need to do.
I’m sorry this is so long, and I don’t really know what I’m looking to get out of posting this in the forums, but I’ve never described my feelings on this matter to anyone and so maybe I just felt like getting it out of me in a fairly anonymous way. Feel free to post any questions or comments, but if you don’t know how to respond then don’t worry about it.
And if you actually made it through this entire thing then congratulations! I have no prizes though