I give up. No matter how well its been going, there always comes a time, where something happens, and I suddenly feel too useless, or scared, too lame, or too stupid, or too depressed. Its a bad feeling. But then like someone said about enjoying being depressed it doesn't really feel bad coz your kind of used to it. And also you don't really let yourself 'feel' anyway you just shut down. Sometimes I manage to 'come back' and feel better after about 15 mins. Sometimes I have to go coz its too embarissing not saying anything. I know this will happen to me tonight. Why can't feelings just die the fresia down!?
Theres always that point when socializing that...
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Naval_Fluff
Well-known member
Hmmm I kind of know how you feel. I sit there and think, what's the point of having friends? Eventually you're gonna go your seperate ways, so why put that much time and effort into it? But then I see my buds...my wierd...odd...boob grabbing buds and everything tseems alright ^_^ You just need to find someone you're comfortable around! Like me, I hang out with all the emo kids! Not the wierd ones that want to murder everyone, but the one's that don't take life too seriously.
Lonesome Crow
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It might feel comfortiable or familar but it's unhealthy.
Yes you talk yourself out of socializing to keep yourself in the same cycle.
Yes..you numb out after a while without any drugs or alcohol inducing numbness...a coping machanism.
The reason why it dosn't go away over night is becuase it's habital.
Almost kind of like a body clock.
Giving up is actaully a good place to be...You're no longer figthing it.
It's a paradox. When you surrender to it...you're no longer resisting it.
It's almost as if you're bursting a bubble. The brick wall is actaully just a bubble.
Kind of like...FEARS. It's like an illusion..becuase If you let go...you'll feel like you're losing control.
The truth is...it's fear (ego) that's losing control...not you.
Then just embrace the feelings...Let it go through you. Be transparent like.
Then bascailly just let go of it. This process will help learn how to seperate yourself from your emotions.
You feel what you feel but you are not your emotions.
Then after a while..you relized you have a chioce.
You can chose to be happy...
Then simply allow yourself to be happy.
The more you practice being happy the more you'll experince it and live...bacailly it'll become habitual too.
When you're in a state of happiness..those dull or stupid experinces won't seem so stupid anymore.
What i'm saying is...lets say when I'm in a depressed mode...taking a simple walk or having a picnic with
my gf seems retarded. Having a brainless conversation seems retarded. Wacthing Save Willy is retarded.
Spooning my GF feels retarded...I want my fucken arm back..lmao
When I'm in happy mood..it dosn't really matter what activities I do. I can sit in a quite room and just
paint a picture or just write music or laid in bed brainless and spoon my gf and be ok.
Happiness is an inside job..I hope that makesence.
Generally when I'm in a happy mood...I'm more active. I move around more.
I'm light hearted. I can laugh and joke around more and just hang out with people...without being
irratible or discontent...no mellow dramma. No need to have all the attentions.
I can go for a jog and just say hello to a total stranger and be okay with that.
People that I don't even know will wave or say hello to me. I'm more approchable.
I'm okay within myself already.
I'm single at the moment and I've been going through some grieving for the past year.
There's a lot of things in my life that didn't go according to my plans...
Today I'm not depressed or I feel lonely..its not perfect.
But I would say more than 98% of the time today..I'm cheerful and in a good mood.
There's more and more people coming into my life...slowly..but they do come in.
As a matter fact today a friend told me someone missed me...
Errr... somebody actaully thinking about me and missed me??? That's a mirracle
The day that I signed on to this site...I was really, really freaekn depressed and isolated myself.
It's been a gradual journey of me getting well or better.
Freaken someone had to talked me into going outside of my house...
It took me a week to make it to the park..(which is only a couple blocks from my house).
I would go out side of my house for 5 mins...then hual ass inside at first. (I had crazy withdraws)
I had to get out of my comfortzone and break the cycle.
Yes you talk yourself out of socializing to keep yourself in the same cycle.
Yes..you numb out after a while without any drugs or alcohol inducing numbness...a coping machanism.
The reason why it dosn't go away over night is becuase it's habital.
Almost kind of like a body clock.
Giving up is actaully a good place to be...You're no longer figthing it.
It's a paradox. When you surrender to it...you're no longer resisting it.
It's almost as if you're bursting a bubble. The brick wall is actaully just a bubble.
Kind of like...FEARS. It's like an illusion..becuase If you let go...you'll feel like you're losing control.
The truth is...it's fear (ego) that's losing control...not you.
Then just embrace the feelings...Let it go through you. Be transparent like.
Then bascailly just let go of it. This process will help learn how to seperate yourself from your emotions.
You feel what you feel but you are not your emotions.
Then after a while..you relized you have a chioce.
You can chose to be happy...
Then simply allow yourself to be happy.
The more you practice being happy the more you'll experince it and live...bacailly it'll become habitual too.
When you're in a state of happiness..those dull or stupid experinces won't seem so stupid anymore.
What i'm saying is...lets say when I'm in a depressed mode...taking a simple walk or having a picnic with
my gf seems retarded. Having a brainless conversation seems retarded. Wacthing Save Willy is retarded.
Spooning my GF feels retarded...I want my fucken arm back..lmao
When I'm in happy mood..it dosn't really matter what activities I do. I can sit in a quite room and just
paint a picture or just write music or laid in bed brainless and spoon my gf and be ok.
Happiness is an inside job..I hope that makesence.
Generally when I'm in a happy mood...I'm more active. I move around more.
I'm light hearted. I can laugh and joke around more and just hang out with people...without being
irratible or discontent...no mellow dramma. No need to have all the attentions.
I can go for a jog and just say hello to a total stranger and be okay with that.
People that I don't even know will wave or say hello to me. I'm more approchable.
I'm okay within myself already.
I'm single at the moment and I've been going through some grieving for the past year.
There's a lot of things in my life that didn't go according to my plans...
Today I'm not depressed or I feel lonely..its not perfect.
But I would say more than 98% of the time today..I'm cheerful and in a good mood.
There's more and more people coming into my life...slowly..but they do come in.
As a matter fact today a friend told me someone missed me...
Errr... somebody actaully thinking about me and missed me??? That's a mirracle
The day that I signed on to this site...I was really, really freaekn depressed and isolated myself.
It's been a gradual journey of me getting well or better.
Freaken someone had to talked me into going outside of my house...
It took me a week to make it to the park..(which is only a couple blocks from my house).
I would go out side of my house for 5 mins...then hual ass inside at first. (I had crazy withdraws)
I had to get out of my comfortzone and break the cycle.
Naval_Fluff
Well-known member
?? Not taking life to seriously?
