Things are really bad

[disintigration]

I've been wanting to bawl my eyes out lately. Life is unbearable.

I have 0 friends. I don't have a job. I have nothing to do. I go to university but that is over for the summer. I have no money. I live in a city and there is no where to escape other than a local park.

My family are the only people I talk to but I've been distancing myself from them for a long time - I'm too depressed to socialise. They don't believe that I have depression. Shyness has also crippled me. I have two nieces but they don't acknowledge me any more, I'm too shy and too depressed to talk to anyone. In all honesty, I'm totally worthless.

I don't know how to get out of this hole. I've been mulling the idea of moving away for my remaining years of university, but I could end up completely alone without even my family around.

I tried SSRIs from the doctor, but they didn't work. I tried therapy but it didn't shake me up enough to take control of my life - this is what depression does, it drains me and leaves me feeling numb.

If I'm not wandering the streets like a ghost I'm trapped in my room 24/7. Everyone else my age have moved on with their lives. I'm a loner, a mute, a broken person.

I should also add that I've never had a girlfriend (shyness). At 25 I'm becoming increasingly worried about my lack of meaningful relationships. I'm drifting further apart from society and I've missed out on lots of key development stages. In reality I feel like I've never grown up.

I just don't know what to do any more. I can't connect with life. I don't want to be around any more I feel like there is no hope for me.

 

[Locke]

I'm sorry to hear that things are so hard for you right now.

Summer will be over soon. Will things improve when you return to university? And you mentioned not having a job. Have you been looking? Even a part time job at a restaurant or a temp position could help. Once you have a little money, you can do things that you like to do.

Forget about what other people your age are doing, you are not them. When you compare yourself to others, you are trying to measure up to a fantasy. Its a comparison that you won't win in your depressed state, so don't bother. Everyone does things at their own pace. Focus on setting your own goals, finding things that will make you happy and living your own life. You're only 25, you have time.

Yeah, being shy sucks. This might sound goofy, but next time you're out walking the streets like a ghost, say hello to every single person you come across. And don't avoid people. Pay someone a compliment, or talk about the weather. If you feel you failed in some way or didn't have the courage to approach someone, do not take it too hard. They are just random strangers, it doesn't matter if things didn't go well. It is not worth dwelling on. Dwelling on any negative thought will just make the depression worse.

I know this is all easier said then done, but what have you got to lose? There is nothing wrong with being shy, but when you get as lonely as you are now, breaking out of your shell a little is necessary. Talking to people you come across will be good practice, and might give you confidence.

Depression can make it seem impossible to connect with life and people, but you are not hopeless. Out of curiosity, what made you happy before the depression sat in?

 

[Baka]

I'm a loner, a mute, a broken person.

...

I just don't know what to do any more. I can't connect with life. I don't want to be around any more I feel like there is no hope for me.

I can't really give you any advice here, because I feel the same. I would just like to say that, for what it's worth, you're not alone. I also feel hopeless and out of ideas, but I won't quit life. I guess I have quit trying to connect to people, but it's not like me "trying" has ever made a difference.

Sure, it's agony to feel isolated and alone, but how can you enjoy rock/metal music, literature, food, nature, Game of Thrones, and all the small things when you're dead? And who knows...out of the thousands of miserable, depressed, and socially inept people like us, someone might just strike it lucky and make a connection. That might be you, so here's to hoping guy.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey disintigration. I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through.

I feel like I've lots to say to you with your current situation, but yet I can't seem to form the right words to say them. I think it's because I once dealt with shyness myself and I can understand how difficult it is to overcome that. Not sure if there really is a hard and fast or easy rule to overcome it, but forcing myself in situations that needed me to get out of my shell really helped.

The more I do that, no matter how uncomfortable, the more I get used to it and eventually, it kinda wore off some shyness. I am still a pretty shy person, but not as bad as it used to be.

I think in order for you to find that connection in life, maybe you need to see what are the things you want to change in your life, and if you can work on them one at a time. Not all at once and not overnight, because that will be super overwhelming. Start small, maybe? Could even just be interacting with people on this forum first, build up on your social interaction with other people and see how you can improve from there.

Families are a bit difficult to deal with really. Because I know my family will never be able to understand me, I've stopped relying on them for any form of support whatsoever. I'm totally fine with it, because I don't expect it, thus preventing more disappointments. Families are supposed to be supportive and kind to you, listen to you.. but.. unfortunately, it doesn't happen for all. I'm sorry your family doesn't believe you. Sometimes, all it takes is one person to hear you and believe in you. :\ Well, I do.. and I'm sure the rest of us here do as well.

If situations are treating you badly where you are now, moving away might be a good idea? But like you said, it might make you more lonely, but then that's where you have the power to change things around the way you want them to. You can do it. I'm planning on moving out in a couple of years and it sure seems like a scary thought and all and I might even face problems but I don't know, I just think that if I never give it a shot, I'll never be able to and my life will remain the same dull life. Sometimes, it just takes one or few changes in your life.. and the rest will fall into place.. I think. May not always work best the way you want it to, but you'll learn and life is all about learning and experiencing right.

There is hope, even if you can't see it.. yet. There is. Just please don't give up, because if you do, you are just limiting yourself from seeing that hope and light at the end of the tunnel. Keep walking ahead, keep making improvements to your life. No one has power over it and over your situation, but yourself.

Take care, and good luck.

 

[TX Rock Chick]

I agree with Lady Forsaken and Baka. I don't think that I can say it better than them. I can relate to your post on so many levels. I feel like I am just existing right now. Please know that you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. If you need to shoot the breeze or unload, let me know. I follow a great blog that summed up my feelings (or lack of) perfectly. I love that someone could articulate so succinctly what is in my mind. I feel like emailing it to my family and friends.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com

 

[disintigration]

fuk it ima kill myself. I'm worthless and I dont even have no friends left. no one wants to be around me. im ending this.

 

[TX Rock Chick]

fuk it ima kill myself. I'm worthless and I dont even have no friends left. no one wants to be around me. im ending this.

PLEASE DON'T! Message me or call 1-800-784-2433

 

[EveWasFramed]

Hi there.

There are very few people in this world who have ZERO worth. YOU are not one of them.
It seems like you need something to inspire you and to give you hope and a reason to move forward.

http://suicide.org/
Visit this site and/or call the number you will find there. They may not have the answers you need, but it's someone you can talk to.

 

[Runciter]

fuk it ima kill myself. I'm worthless and I dont even have no friends left. no one wants to be around me. im ending this.

Don't do it mate, all these things you're missing out on right now are just experiences that will happen later on. Don't deprive yourself of the opportunity.

There are plenty of people here who will be happy to talk to you, me included. Please reconsider.

 

[Ste_lla]

Hey, I know exactly how you are feeling. I'm in the same boat right now, as many others here. And yeah it sucks to be stuck like we are...
So it may sound tempting to just end it now.

I've thought about it too, but I realized that there's a chance that things will change, that I will be okay, yet I will never experience it if I just end it. Just think of the smallest things that give you pleasure like watching a tv show or eating pizza. Thinks of those moments when, despite everything going on, you were able to smile.

There's still hope. So don't give up just yet please!

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Please do not end your life. Trust me your not alone on this.
I myself have suffered with depression my whole life and I still haven't given up, were all willing on hearing you out and I'm sure there's people here who will become your friend if you give them a chance. I know this is all easier said than done, but there's much more to live for. Please reply and let us know how you're doing. Were all here to help you if you let us. =)

 

[ladyforsaken]

fuk it ima kill myself. I'm worthless and I dont even have no friends left. no one wants to be around me. im ending this.

Look at the number of people who really do care on this forum. We may not be right there, but we are here for moral support and help where we can give it to you. Don't do it, disintigration. Please write back here to let us know how you are doing, we can all chat about it, you might feel better after that. We want to be your friends here. You're not worthless. *hugs*

 

[Davido0219]

fuk it ima kill myself. I'm worthless and I dont even have no friends left. no one wants to be around me. im ending this.

Disintigration, please don't do this! PM me, and if I may speak for the other members here, any one of us, if you have to. Please! There's so much to live for, even if it's hard to see it right now. We're all here to help one another get through the roughest of times, and know that you have friends here who want to help you through this. Please post back here to let us know that you're still with us & how you're doing. Many thoughts & prayers for you!!