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Guest
Guest
Relationships have never been my strong suit. That said, I never wanted for friends during school, since it's the sort of place with built-in social opportunities like sports and, later, my fraternity. But it was in the past two years that I realised I wasn't any good at making friends outside of a ready-made social framework.
After college, I went into a line of work that took me away from all my old friends. Two years later, I returned to my home town (also where I went to college) and found that things had changed drastically. It seemed as though everyone I had been friends with had gotten engaged or married, or had been in a relationship for so long, they had essentially become married. That means that everything they do socially is with other long-term couples, and unfortunately, that means I'm excluded.
Now, you'd think establishing a solid relationship with a woman would solve that problem, no? You're probably right. Problem is, I've been single so long, it's become self-sustaining. I did have a girlfriend of sorts once--back in seventh grade. Since then, she's been married, divorced, and re-married. (Keep in mind, I can see 30 from where I am, but I'm not quite there yet.) Meanwhile, I've gone from one uneventful Valentine's Day to another. Yes, I'm nervous as hell with women I have any interest in, but at the same time, I don't see any with any interest in me. Why, I have no idea. It's not like I'm heinous: though the abs have long since disappeared, I still look like the college athlete that I was, and my parents are decent looking, I suppose. But I get nothing.
The end result is that I spend my weekends alone. My phone's call log is a sorry collection of my parents' respective numbers and one call from my psychiatrist. I haven't gone out for months. My parents have a more active social life than I do. I'm a ball of frustration and misery and there's not a **** thing I can do about it.
I'm leaving work and starting law school this fall. While this could be a shot at social redemption, I'm really quite afraid of it being more of the same. Unlike college, law school isn't shiny and happy, nor do you have the dorms and Thursday night keggers that introduce you to people. It's going to be a big, anonymous place where I'll be lucky to even exchange a single word with anyone, much less kindle a friendship.
I almost wish I never had friends in the first place. At least I wouldn't have known how much it hurts to lose them all.
After college, I went into a line of work that took me away from all my old friends. Two years later, I returned to my home town (also where I went to college) and found that things had changed drastically. It seemed as though everyone I had been friends with had gotten engaged or married, or had been in a relationship for so long, they had essentially become married. That means that everything they do socially is with other long-term couples, and unfortunately, that means I'm excluded.
Now, you'd think establishing a solid relationship with a woman would solve that problem, no? You're probably right. Problem is, I've been single so long, it's become self-sustaining. I did have a girlfriend of sorts once--back in seventh grade. Since then, she's been married, divorced, and re-married. (Keep in mind, I can see 30 from where I am, but I'm not quite there yet.) Meanwhile, I've gone from one uneventful Valentine's Day to another. Yes, I'm nervous as hell with women I have any interest in, but at the same time, I don't see any with any interest in me. Why, I have no idea. It's not like I'm heinous: though the abs have long since disappeared, I still look like the college athlete that I was, and my parents are decent looking, I suppose. But I get nothing.
The end result is that I spend my weekends alone. My phone's call log is a sorry collection of my parents' respective numbers and one call from my psychiatrist. I haven't gone out for months. My parents have a more active social life than I do. I'm a ball of frustration and misery and there's not a **** thing I can do about it.
I'm leaving work and starting law school this fall. While this could be a shot at social redemption, I'm really quite afraid of it being more of the same. Unlike college, law school isn't shiny and happy, nor do you have the dorms and Thursday night keggers that introduce you to people. It's going to be a big, anonymous place where I'll be lucky to even exchange a single word with anyone, much less kindle a friendship.
I almost wish I never had friends in the first place. At least I wouldn't have known how much it hurts to lose them all.
