Things we should never keep secret

[armor4sleepPA]

We've had some talk on here in recent days about sharing secrets, stories, and other bits under the protection of a screenname, or even a guest name. Everyone has secrets, even if we claim we don't. There are some things that, if surfaced, I'd rather fall on a dozen knives than to face the reactions of others. Other things, though, I'm happy to share... either inspiring others, or simply venting in a way that allows others to send me well wishes and empathatic thoughts.

However, as many of us know, there are some things that we should never, ever keep secret. I thought an interesting idea for a thread would be for each of us to submit a few things we feel belong in this category.

I, for one, believe we should never keep secret our truest feelings, be they love, hate, disgust, indifference, jealousy, or admiration. Life can turn on a dime, and should our flame be extinguished before it's natural time, and we are plucked rude from the vine (worded so well by Milton), it would be a terrible shame to allow our ghosts to fly away without having said those things we cherished most in our hearts.

May we all have the courage to say what ought to be said, and the good fortune to enjoy such truth from others.

 

[Kristen]

we should never keep secret our truest feelings, be they love, hate, disgust, indifference, jealousy, or admiration.

mm...I don't know about this one....it all depends...what if the person involved is married...in some cases 3rd parties are involved...children and stuff..some things are better be left unsaid....

thoughts of suicide should never be kept secret

 

[ss7]

...

thoughts of suicide should never be kept secret

Excellent point.

 

[evanescencefan91]

i kinda agree that some feelings should be kept secret, i think as long as it's your secret you have the right to keep it, and you only have to reveal it when you feel your ready to, and at the very least just put a side note in your will about it, they can't do anything about it once your dead.

I prefer to keep feelings to myslef, well except for when I'm ranting, and evantually i throw all of them out at random.

 

[Qui]

Hm, well here's something I've unfortunately got some experience in, but if you're depressed you shouldn't keep it to yourself. Of course, I'm the world's hugest hypocrite and even if I ever was depressed, which I'm not, I wouldn't admit it for my life. I'm just really unhappy and gloomy and have self destructive tendencies that I really do my best to squash. I'm not actually depressed. But if I really and truly where, I don't know if I'd be able to admit that there was something wrong with me.
On a more cheerful note, I never told that kid the way I felt about him. I still think about him sometimes, and we were really close, but I'm not sure if I said this enough. I loved his hair, and his stupid little chin, and his eyes and the way that he talked and how he would drop whatever he was doing whenever I was around just to talk to me. I really liked that kid, and I'm sorry that we drifted apart. So, here's me saying this clearly; Robert, the only reason I even bothered to get up and drag my sorry ass to that hell hole school every day was because I knew I'd get to see you there. Thank you for brightening my life.

 

[Skorian]

Qui I can really understand where you are comming from.

While I have thought about death, I have never even taken a single step toward's the act of intentional suicide.

In all honesty. This board may have already outright saved my life. Yesterday, I came to the realization that I was "seriously" dehydrated. To the point that my heart was burning. My chest felt like it was being crushed and my gut's had the strangest sensation ever as if I could feel them being stretched. I have been gradually feeling this alot more lately and it's been getting more intense. I think my body was even starting to harden though I couldn't really tell. I weight 130lbs (at least last I checked). I have been headed down this path for a good while now. I struggle most days with eating. I try to force myself, but I just can't get much down. I didn't think I was struggling with drinking liquids (didn't even see that comming), but apparently I am. It's been a slow progression into this hell. I am not even really sure what I am fighting for, I have so little to fight for. I am so tired so much of the time. I just want to sleep. Just sleep till it all goes away. I can't even say if I will be around in a month or 2 months. My mother now and then will come in and I will pretend to be asleep. She will squeeze my leg to make sure I am still alive. I try not to complain. I know everything is my own fault. I only have myself to blame. It's actually strange that I even post this as honestly, it's not even in my nature. I can't even tell my own mother as she is already in enough pain.

Luckally I was able to salt some water and drink about a gallon and a half. I should probably research what other element's or vitamins become depleted in this state. Key word being "should"

At least I wasn't starting to feel my tongue dry and expand yet.

I probably shouldn't keep this a secret, but I do.

 

[ss7]

Skorian,

I say this out of concern: You should see a doctor, if you haven't already. Please don't self-medicate as it works up to a point. But from what you have described, some sort of professional intervention seems to be required, either for the symptomatic physiological issues or the (and I am guessing here) root emotional ones. Please do it today.

I'm glad that this forum helped some and hope that it continues to do so. But my personal feeling is that a forum can be an uncertain friend. It's the nature of the beast. For example, when the only thing you crave is kindness, some will be kind and some will be harsh. Or the kind people might not be logged in to listen to you. Or even if they are, responses might not be in real time or soon enough. I think it would be wise to see a professional if what you just described continues to happen, and use the forum as a supplement.

 

[Bluey]

I agree so much with what ss7 has said. That's all good advice and true.

Skorian, You have a lot to live for. Your not deformed. You are obviously an intelligent person.

If your depressed that is an illness and not something you have burt onto yourself.

You should seek a doctor just like ss7 has said. Its not something to be ashamed off. Every one gets ill sometimes and need a little help.

Maybe if you get that help you can then start to move your life forward. Its no fun feeling that honeysuckle in your self. This I know. I have thought about ending it all and one night got so drunk on vodka to try and get the guts to do it but I just passed out in the end. I didn't get anything from it but feeling honeysuckle the next day and I felt that crap that I didn't even have the energy to cry.

I have come to the conclusion that I am never going to be able to do that as I simply do not have the gusts and wouldn't wont to hurt the two closest people to me witch are my mum and dad. I know its a bit sad that at 33 I only have them that would go to the other end of the world for me but I am lucky because some people don't even have that.

I am actually enjoying life a bit moor just lately and getting out moor then I use to. I think its because I am coming to terms with what I have. And that is I am disabled and walk with a limp and run out of energy a lot faster then I should. Also I have a spine that is twisted all over the place witch is very obvious when I have a tight top on are no top on. I have not had a girlfriend for 15 years This hurts moor then anything. Moor then not being able to work. All in all I have a lot of things that hold me back. But am learning to play with what Ive got and I am making the most out of it.

You can as well. Get that help and let your self live. There is no shame in asking for help. Its not like anyone well know. I mean a doctor are a counselor/philologist has to keep everything confidential.

Please ask, If not ask yourself what you have to loss by asking?

Qui I can really understand where you are comming from.

While I have thought about death, I have never even taken a single step toward's the act of intentional suicide.

In all honesty. This board may have already outright saved my life. Yesterday, I came to the realization that I was "seriously" dehydrated. To the point that my heart was burning. My chest felt like it was being crushed and my gut's had the strangest sensation ever as if I could feel them being stretched. I have been gradually feeling this alot more lately and it's been getting more intense. I think my body was even starting to harden though I couldn't really tell. I weight 130lbs (at least last I checked). I have been headed down this path for a good while now. I struggle most days with eating. I try to force myself, but I just can't get much down. I didn't think I was struggling with drinking liquids (didn't even see that comming), but apparently I am. It's been a slow progression into this hell. I am not even really sure what I am fighting for, I have so little to fight for. I am so tired so much of the time. I just want to sleep. Just sleep till it all goes away. I can't even say if I will be around in a month or 2 months. My mother now and then will come in and I will pretend to be asleep. She will squeeze my leg to make sure I am still alive. I try not to complain. I know everything is my own fault. I only have myself to blame. It's actually strange that I even post this as honestly, it's not even in my nature. I can't even tell my own mother as she is already in enough pain.

Luckally I was able to salt some water and drink about a gallon and a half. I should probably research what other element's or vitamins become depleted in this state. Key word being "should"

At least I wasn't starting to feel my tongue dry and expand yet.

I probably shouldn't keep this a secret, but I do.

 

[Skorian]

Skorian,

I say this out of concern: You should see a doctor, if you haven't already. Please don't self-medicate as it works up to a point. But from what you have described, some sort of professional intervention seems to be required, either for the symptomatic physiological issues or the (and I am guessing here) root emotional ones. Please do it today.

I'm glad that this forum helped some and hope that it continues to do so. But my personal feeling is that a forum can be an uncertain friend. It's the nature of the beast. For example, when the only thing you crave is kindness, some will be kind and some will be harsh. Or the kind people might not be logged in to listen to you. Or even if they are, responses might not be in real time or soon enough. I think it would be wise to see a professional if what you just described continues to happen, and use the forum as a supplement.

I appreciate the response, but you just don’t really understand. I have seen several "professionals" over the years for different things. Many are useless, expensive, and don't even really care enough to bother making sure they are really helpful. It's far too easy to just be polite and tell them thank you, even if they really weren't. Or for a time you think they were helpful and then realize that they were not. Then they just keep on doing whatever it is they are doing wrong. They just don’t take the time to do things well in many cases. As long as they get paid, what the hell do they care? You can’t just pop a pill or just go to a doctor, problem solved. I wish it was that simple, but that’s just nonsense. Maybe you don't realize this, but for most complex diagnoses doctors are wrong approximately 50% of the time or more. If you had any idea how many massive mistakes they make, heh. Look at all the mistakes you make in your life. Doctors/professionals are not any different then you or I, they screw up constantly. They are not gods nor can they perform magic. The bottom line is: I don’t have anyone I know close by who can help me sift through the crap to make better-informed decisions. It's not like TV where the scriptwriter knows exactly what they are going to say and do. TV is totally FAKE, it’s mostly all lies. In more ways then most people realize. Not that it doesn't have a few redeeming qualities and could be used much better then it is. I got to this point because I gave up. I don't want to live in a world that doesn't give a honeysuckle. I don't fear death.

If my mother wasn't to scatter brained I would have other options, but she has to many of her own problems to discuss whatever needs discussing. She is to focused on things that really aren’t important. I just don’t have the energy or patience.

 

[ss7]

[...] They are not gods nor can they perform magic.

My suggestion to you was under the assumption that you need neither gods nor magic for dealing with what you have to.

Anyhow, it seems like you have been down that path, without the results that you hoped for. Without knowing more about your particular situation, it is hard for me to tell you to persist with that path.

Skorian, I don't know how anonymous you want to remain, but I'm curious about a few things. And please understand that if you are not comfortable with the questions, I'll back off immediately. You just need to say so.

Also, the questions are asked openly because if you choose to reveal a little more about your situation, then perhaps other members might be able to provide suggestions too. And if all this suggestion-making business seems too tiring and self-important to you, we can at the very least reflect on what you are saying.

By the way, you can always email me privately if you like. I'll try my best to listen.

--What is it that you need to make better-informed decisions about? Spouse? Girlfriend? Some other sort of personal life-issue? Personal finances? Career?

--Why does the person who offers you advice need to be close by?

--What made you give up?

[I realize that the last might be the most personal question. But what the hey, this is the Secrets thread; that gave me the courage to ask.]

 

[Skorian]

[...] They are not gods nor can they perform magic.

My suggestion to you was under the assumption that you need neither gods nor magic for dealing with what you have to.

Anyhow, it seems like you have been down that path, without the results that you hoped for. Without knowing more about your particular situation, it is hard for me to tell you to persist with that path.

Skorian, I don't know how anonymous you want to remain, but I'm curious about a few things. And please understand that if you are not comfortable with the questions, I'll back off immediately. You just need to say so.

Also, the questions are asked openly because if you choose to reveal a little more about your situation, then perhaps other members might be able to provide suggestions too. And if all this suggestion-making business seems too tiring and self-important to you, we can at the very least reflect on what you are saying.

By the way, you can always email me privately if you like. I'll try my best to listen.

--What is it that you need to make better-informed decisions about? Spouse? Girlfriend? Some other sort of personal life-issue? Personal finances? Career?

--Why does the person who offers you advice need to be close by?

--What made you give up?

[I realize that the last might be the most personal question. But what the hey, this is the Secrets thread; that gave me the courage to ask.]

I have been talking alot to poor e.m.e. She knows a bunch of stuff. Though she probably thinks I am crazy...

Some stuff I don't care about too much, other stuff I think unless people are very smart they aren't likely to understand at all and I would prefer not confusing them.

Well I have been going down hill for about 2 years.

I have a room full of vitamins and supplements I was using before that time. I pretty much stopped everything at one point in time. For many reasons. All pretty much hinged on frustration. There was also the concern during my mothers divorce that my father might burn down the house or commit some other terrible violent act. Considering the fact that he was afraid people would come get him. "like the government". He is an electrical engineer. Very smart, but very odd. He liked to make threats of violence, but had never done anything seriously deranged. Usually just stuff mostly deranged. He owns several, um, unregistered guns and parts to make one or two um fully automatic. Along with a good deal of ammo and the supplies to make ammo. I am not a big fan of guns.... Honestly, to this day I suspect some of his problems may hinge on lead poisoning, or at least be a factor. He also has stuff to make explosives. Which for a time he almost got my youngest brother interested in. Needless to say he is a nightmare. I thank my stars I haven't seen him in 2 years. I don't really want to ever even talk to him again.

Anyways, about a month ago I actually got myself to take some SAMe that I had around. I dunno why I decided to just up and take one. Maybe subconsciously I was aware of how close things were coming. It's one of the more effective things I have. I finished off a bottle about um 5-6 days ago and opened a second. As I have been feeling a little better I am noticing how messed up I am. I know alot of things. What upsets me is that I have no source to discuss things rationally with to try to work around my own bubble headed thinking. My moods and energy levels are still very erratic. There are a great many pieces I am missing from the puzzle that is my health. How it got to that point before the last two year's is a long story.

I fear though that I may quickly go over your head if we talk much .

Well, possibly they don't need to be close by. The problem though lies in the fact that near is far better. Means that person will have access to alot more input. Sort of how I wish that doctors would go back to house calls for a great many things. Not everything mind you, but many thing's it would be much more effective. So that they could see people in their home environment. It would give them access to alot of information that would be very relevant and force them to slow down the way they do many things. Would also make it more personable.

This could turn into a long ass serious discussion rather quickly…

Sorry if I get off on a tangent. I can be so absent minded at times. Might have to pull me back....

 

[ss7]

Skorian,

First off, don't worry about flooding me with your story. It is much easier to read something than it is to write it. So I'm good on that front. Please take as little time or as long as it takes. You are only limited by your desire to tell, not by my capacity to absorb. I assure you of this. And what I don't understand, I'll clarify with questions.

I am not a big fan of violence or guns either. Too much of both in this world already. I'm sorry to hear about the problems that you had with your father. I hope that he makes some sort of peace with himself. A lot of us need to do the same, by the way.

About the SAM-e; I hope that you are regulating the dosage in some way because there can be side effects of unregulated intake. Once again, this is simple human concern speaking.

I know alot of things. What upsets me is that I have no source to discuss things rationally with to try to work around my own bubble headed thinking. My moods and energy levels are still very erratic.

Ah, perhaps I see now. I suppose that is what the forum helps with. There are some good topic threads here. Do the existing topics align with your interests? For instance, I have seen you post in the "Critical Analysis of Religion" thread. So I know you have some interest in discussing that and I think that this forum gives you (and I, for that matter) an opportunity to do that.

Well, possibly they don't need to be close by. The problem though lies in the fact that near is far better. Means that person will have access to alot more input. Sort of how I wish that doctors would go back to house calls for a great many things. Not everything mind you, but many thing's it would be much more effective. So that they could see people in their home environment. It would give them access to alot of information that would be very relevant and force them to slow down the way they do many things. Would also make it more personable.

You make some excellent points. You know, Skorian (and I'm about to go off on a tangent of my own here), I spent most of my life living in a country where doctors do make house calls. One of the reasons is that healthcare is inexpensive there--if only when pitted against the urban median income--but of pretty decent quality. Cheap is not always shoddy.

In my experience, one of the side-effects of these house calls is that often the doctor transforms from being a family doctor to a family friend. If a somewhat stern family friend. He gets to know what university the son is going to, the challenges the father has with his boss, or which loser the daughter is currently seeing. It is much harder to simply be in it for the money when you actually become involved with a family's dailies. This does not mean that the doctor becomes soft, emotional, or too attached to remain professional. Trust me, there is still a stern professional distance when it comes to the actual treatment of disease, but it is very unlike a cold transaction between doctor and patient as you find in more sterile healthcare systems. Stern is not the same as cold.

As an interesting aside, our family doctor was a guest at my wedding. And this is quite common. How many doctors do you know who would be invited to their patients' weddings as a friend? Indeed, would actually be offended if they were not invited?

Edit: "sterile healthcare systems"... har! Unintended irony.

 

[Skorian]

Awsome man. That is exactly my reasoning for why it makes no sense the way its done here in the US. You hit it right on the head. The only real reason's for the way it is here is. Convienience, access to supplies, access to other needed utilities, in some instances safety. The way I look at the assembly line model that they have is that it's efficient, but often not effective.

As far as SAMe goes. I took 800mg for several years. Then none for about 2 years. I have been taking 400mg dayly lately. Don't worry, I understand that things have ranges. More is not always better. More of some things can be BAD.... I assume that this is what you speak of when you say "I hope that you are regulating the dosage in some way because there can be side effects of unregulated intake"

It seem's to affect mood and clarity of thought both. ATM, I can think straight, but my mind seem's a little out of focas. Not feeling the best really, feeling rather weird. Earlier today I felt much clearer headed.

 

[Lonely Satellite]

It's supremely challenging for me to let my truest feelings be out in the open; it's especially so to tell the person who made me think like that.

Thanks for that blessing! I hope it works for me soon.

 

[9006]

What an ancient thread.