this is what a lonely life has turned me into...

[edgecrusher]

i feel like i am bitter. i sometimes think negatively even when it doesnt make sense. i have often said that i dont like people. being that i am a "people", how does that even make sense? i find it hard to get close to or trust people and that has ruined so many potential situations for me.

 

[h i]

youre fine by me.

futurama

but... no idiocracy?! that movies like the bible.

but yeah, im pretty like err and stuff... sometimes.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Yes, that's what it dose. At least that's what it did to me.

Sometimes you gatta sit in your own bullshit for a while to know what honeysuckle smells like.
You dug yourself a fucken hole so god **** deep..it's a pain in the ass to crawl out of.lol
Then you stop blaming other people and know it's was your chioce.

All those slogons or saying will also start making sense to you.
Such as....it's darkest before daylight.

I like the butterfly aynalogy.lol
A cattipillar gose into a cacoon (darkness)...Then struggles to get out of it ( the power of struggling is actaully building strength
for it's wings). Then it turns into a beautiful butterfly spreading it's wings and fly.
You stop blaming yourself and not trip too ******* hard when experincing bumps in the road or sometimes it's like a major fucken struggle
to just make it through a day and breath.

Or the construction aynalogy.
To build a new building on a site...the land must be excuvated...meaning everything has to be torn down on the surface and underneath.
The earth must also be dug up and turned ( it feels like you're getting ripped and torn apart at all levels sometimes)
before concrete can even be pour. It's like a foundation before the foundation...real deep stuff.lol

Or the ..."when one door closes another one open"
Will...people like me...trip on my own two feet in the fucken dark hallway between the two doors. hahaaaaa
Sometimes...I trip so fucken hard. I feel like I'm going out of my god **** mind.
Anguish, depair, hurt, fears, depression..no matter what I do....
I'll kick , scream, fight, cry so much just like a child. until i run out of energy and become still.
I'm become still enough for the love and grace of god to touch me.
Going out of my fucken mind is actaully not a bad thing...It's the fastest route to my heart.

After those stages or process...The process is that so I gain experince or to let my mind experince these things...beyound just reading about it or having knowelge of it.
It's like I know or graps at a very, very deep level or at the core of my being. Consiously and subconsiously. It's almost effort less.
If it's not..I'll simply recognize the warning signs a lot faster and catches myself if I do fall into my old behaviors. Make a recognition of it without beating up on myself
and alter my thoughts and actions (make corrections) for a healther way to live.
I don't fall into depression, negativities or wahtever issues I had anymore or allow myself to do that anymore...it was too painful for me.
It'll be like putting my hand into a fire. In other words...fresia that honeysuckle..man
I'm fucken DONE!!!!!

 

[Luna]

I feel burned, tired and jaded myself...
I always tell myself "I hate people...I don't need them", and yet I want them...

 

[edgecrusher]

I feel burned, tired and jaded myself...
I always tell myself "I hate people...I don't need them", and yet I want them...

thats an even better way of putting it than i did. i am generally not really a people person, and dealing with the general public often frustrates me. but at the same time i feel like... what i wouldnt give to find that special someone. weird...

 

[Rocket]

This is exactly how I am--bitter, negative, spiteful, definitely hate the general public as a whole...and yet I try to be involved in so many different things and try to meet so many different people. When people do give me the time of day, I am extremely nice to them and enthusiastic to continue a friendship yet even when I go out, there is a definite split to my personality in that one half of me is so happy, outgoing, smiling, friendly and the other is still bitter, pessimistic, untrusting. Definitely a 'this is pointless why bother' yet 'I want to hang out and have a blast!' contrast.

 

[arkitek4]

If only life offers not only problems but solutions even, then this site would not have been needed. But problems does exists and we being humans were born we intelligent minds that could learn and unlearn, search and right now browse thru the internet.

I found a better site and this is it! better than facebook when it comes to intelligent content that fuels my intelligence. Search your answers but sometimes just sit back and and listen and look at yourself, you may not realize it that you already have the answers at the tip of your feet.

Not all problems are worthless, some problems are actually solutions you may not yet have realized.

 

[CAS]

What you've said mirrors how I feel a lot of the time.

 

[Unique Unicorn]

I don't think it is actually 'bitterness', more a soulful longing to 'belong', to be needed and respected. Being bitter is such a useless exercise, it's like a demon that eats from your soul. If you can accept that this is the way it is, you have half defeated the demon.

Just the fact that we are here together on this board, means that we are 'tribe' and the feeling we describe are more common than one would contemplate.

 

[Haz]

My bitterness has dissipated somewhat over the past few years.... a lot of it can really be putting yourself on an elitist high horse and building up that the social networks available to you aren't worthy of your attention for whatever reason, so you shun it. I would often retreat into my own private world wishing I could find people that I could connect to that weren't part of common interest groups on the internet, but the problem with this is it makes minor social interactions difficult because when conflicts arise between individuals (and they will) it gets built up to so much more significant than it is.

Most people can be dicks in a way, but if you can get past basic conflicts we are all just trying to find our place on this planet and essentially have the same basic needs.