DarkSelene said:
I had one long distance relationship where I actually met the dude. It's really quite like your situation, we would spend a lot of time online and had an online social group... so to speak. The distance was challenging but doable and we got to see each other a lot during the 2 years we were together.
To answer to your questions the reality could be really different than the whole online situation, the basics will be the same... probably, if you talk about things you would like to do together and have chemistry, it'll work. Of course, there are things that will be different because living with someone could be a challenge. Everyone has their own ways, you can easily find things you don't like about each other but it doesn't mean that will definitely happen. Also, if there's communication and you can work through things while compromising, I don't see why you should be worried.
I'm not much of a talker even online, tend to cling to certain types of people and I'm not good in big groups at all. Also, I've been dealing with depression for quite some time and that's one of the main reasons people would get annoyed with me. I try to be consistent but sometimes my emotions take the best out of me and then I need some space or to be able to get pass it without someone judging me for not feeling so well... meeting each other for the first time feels like you're going to have a panic attack, and it could be really awkward at first but soon you'll remember who that person is and it'll all go away.
My advice would be a lot of skype calls, that makes it a little more real and easier when you go see them.
The distance doesn't worry me too much. I don't have a passport and he has to renew his, but the distance is very easy to cross by bus, cart, or plane. Although I don't know about holiday flight costs...
Agreed that meeting feels like a panic attack waiting to happen. We discussed it and might try for around Christmas or early next year. We're both quiet people in real-life as it turns out, although it's not that way online. Maybe it won't be so bad, like you've suggested we spend a lot of time in calls so we're at least familiar with each other through voice chat.
Cavey said:
I have suffered from severe anxiety, panic attacks and depression for most of my life. I met someone during an online game in 1998. We got close to each other, moved on to talking on the phone every night and, after talking for a good 9 months, we decided to meet up. I won't bore you with the details, but we spent a wonderful month together, then moved in with each other and got married in 2000.
We were as honest as we could possibly be prior to our face to face meeting, but it still seemed very strange for the first few days. No matter how honest you are, meeting in person is a whole different ballgame. She was much quieter than she appeared online and I think I was more screwed up than she had ever imagined, but if you really care about each other, you find a way to make it work.
We've been divorced for over 3 years now, but I don't regret the time we spent together. If nothing else, I learned to embrace my eccentricities and my 'disabilities' - she loved the insecure, nervous, gentle guy that she met online - and by attempting to be 'just like everyone else' I eventually pushed her away.
Cheers to meeting people in the most unlikely of place. I'm sorry it didn't turn out so well though.
There are a lot of things I wonder about in-person, like people's habits, how comfortable they are with face-to-face talking, and things like that. I can't imagine anything that would make me not care being there, though.
If people know the good and the bad ahead of time, I suppose it's just more of what they already expect and are used to. Neither of us are exactly expecting an extrovert or a party animal, but I guess the question remains of just how introverted are we?
lonelyfairy said:
I was in LDR for few years and it didn't work, because the distance was way too much and neither of us wanted to move to another country. Also we missed each other so much all the time, it was hard. :/ That wasn't the reason why the relationship ended, though... We both could be ourselves with each other, both online and offline, so that never was a problem for us. I know few people though, who have met online and moved to his/her partner's country, got married etc. so it can definitely work if both people are ready for it.
I can see this being very hard for some people, especially if physical contact is important to them. I know he's not someone I have to be afraid around, and who trusts me to just be myself, but being single for years now due to depression, solitude, mistrust, etc, doesn't help.
I've also known a few people who made the distance work, which is encouraging. To be perfectly honest, I have no idea where I'd have found someone like him locally. Certainly not on Tinder.