cumulus.james
Well-known member
I can pinpoint all my problems down to two things. 1) no one has ever loved me and more importantly 2) I have never had anyone to love.
I live in a remote and sparsely populated village in southern England. But I just happened to glance out of my window and see two teenagers in love holding hands, laughing and as they got near their door they kissed.
I’ve never experienced that. I’m now an ugly 30 yr old so I never will. I don’t believe in suicide and I don’t usually want to die. But I can not see much point in my life right now. I missed out on everything good about life. My earliest memory was of wondering alone by the river and FEELING alone at 7 yrs old. And pretty much every experience I have had since is the same.
Before I saw the lovers I went to the shop to get beer to poison myself to sleep with. I saw young vibrant people “hanging out” and getting their beer to socialise with.
I’m not a thick person. If there were a way I would ever not be a loner I would have found it. People do try to give me advice on forums such as this but it is wasted. I have no family - that cant be altered. I can not make friends that is a proven fact. And I am so ugly that I had full body nude pics on a seedy cruising website profile for 3 years and never got a single message.
There’s not a **** thing I can ever do I will always be this loser sat alone. Yet I try to advise people on here. I feel confinement I am giving good advice. But who am I to advisee anyone?
My hands look young. I look a my hands and they look like they could be the hands of an 18 yr old. But inside I feel about 99 years old. Like it is all over. Nothing left to do but exist and wait for the end.
I was born so alone. Grew up so alone and now exist outside of reality. I am that “thing” people see me but never notice me. Kinda like that Tears for fears song “look right through me”. That’s how my entire life has been people looking right through me.
I accept I am and always will be alone. But I don’t not accept there is not a way to live a happy life on your own. There must be some way to find a happy peaceful existence without people? There must be some use I can be on this earth? I wish I could help people. That would be something.
I live in a remote and sparsely populated village in southern England. But I just happened to glance out of my window and see two teenagers in love holding hands, laughing and as they got near their door they kissed.
I’ve never experienced that. I’m now an ugly 30 yr old so I never will. I don’t believe in suicide and I don’t usually want to die. But I can not see much point in my life right now. I missed out on everything good about life. My earliest memory was of wondering alone by the river and FEELING alone at 7 yrs old. And pretty much every experience I have had since is the same.
Before I saw the lovers I went to the shop to get beer to poison myself to sleep with. I saw young vibrant people “hanging out” and getting their beer to socialise with.
I’m not a thick person. If there were a way I would ever not be a loner I would have found it. People do try to give me advice on forums such as this but it is wasted. I have no family - that cant be altered. I can not make friends that is a proven fact. And I am so ugly that I had full body nude pics on a seedy cruising website profile for 3 years and never got a single message.
There’s not a **** thing I can ever do I will always be this loser sat alone. Yet I try to advise people on here. I feel confinement I am giving good advice. But who am I to advisee anyone?
My hands look young. I look a my hands and they look like they could be the hands of an 18 yr old. But inside I feel about 99 years old. Like it is all over. Nothing left to do but exist and wait for the end.
I was born so alone. Grew up so alone and now exist outside of reality. I am that “thing” people see me but never notice me. Kinda like that Tears for fears song “look right through me”. That’s how my entire life has been people looking right through me.
I accept I am and always will be alone. But I don’t not accept there is not a way to live a happy life on your own. There must be some way to find a happy peaceful existence without people? There must be some use I can be on this earth? I wish I could help people. That would be something.