To text or not to text that is the question?

[VanillaCreme]

Takes effort on both sides to maintain a relationship I think.

It doesn't sound like you actually had much of a relationship with her, though, if any at all.

 

[Restless soul]

Takes effort on both sides to maintain a relationship I think.

It doesn't sound like you actually had much of a relationship with her, though, if any at all.

I don't want to get too much into it. People picking everything apart here is time consuming. It was just a recent friendship that I had and formed and it's been a long time since I had any friends. But to answer your qustion more specific. We were friends .a helped her out with various things. Met on many occasions hung out. Etc..etc..

 

[kamya]

Takes effort on both sides to maintain a relationship I think.

It doesn't sound like you actually had much of a relationship with her, though, if any at all.

Sometimes there is something there until one side decides to just disappear.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It doesn't sound like you actually had much of a relationship with her, though, if any at all.

Sometimes there is something there until one side decides to just disappear.

Which that side has a right to.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Takes effort on both sides to maintain a relationship I think.

It doesn't sound like you actually had much of a relationship with her, though, if any at all.

Sometimes there is something there until one side decides to just disappear.

And sometimes people imagine things that were never there to begin with.

 

[Xpendable]

Agree with the not initiating like callie said. I bet sometimes a girl is willing to talk but won't do it first but at the same time, that doesn't make men the right idea if they are being pushy or not. Girls don't text first unless they are REALLY into you and it has to be a text for actually talking, not asking for a favor or asking information like a formality.

 

[kamya]

Takes effort on both sides to maintain a relationship I think.

It doesn't sound like you actually had much of a relationship with her, though, if any at all.

Sometimes there is something there until one side decides to just disappear.

And sometimes people imagine things that were never there to begin with.

In this case though it seems there was at least some level of friendship there.

And Nilla I'm not saying one side isn't entitled to disappearing, just saying that just because someone does disappear it doesn't mean that there wasn't anything there in the first place.

 

[9006]

...never once had a women (outside of a platonic friend) initiate a text/email/fb message. I get the impression that only happens if you're above average attractive.

A lot of time the guy has to keep initiating. However, knowing when to stop is important.

I've always been the one to initiate, but that's not to say it never happens. Some people might say how there's a stigma around women initiating, others (More than likely from this site) would say otherwise, I'm with the latter. It may have been an issue at one point, but society is moving on all the time.

But regardless, it's important you have the ability to read the obvious signs... I agree with that.

 

[VanillaCreme]

And Nilla I'm not saying one side isn't entitled to disappearing, just saying that just because someone does disappear it doesn't mean that there wasn't anything there in the first place.

Oh yeah, I agree. My comments are just based on what he's told us. We don't know her side at all. And if he has to question if he should text at all, perhaps backing down a little bit should have happened a little sooner. Not because the relationship is doomed in any way, but because bearing all of your emotions before anything has truly settled isn't the best thing to do in a lot of situations.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Restless never mentioned how long this...whatever it was...was going on.

That said, I think this kind of says it all. "Anyway we hung out from time and she didn't seem to make an effort. But she did respond to my texts in a very short replies."

 

[Restless soul]

Restless never mentioned how long this...whatever it was...was going on.

That said, I think this kind of says it all. "Anyway we hung out from time and she didn't seem to make an effort. But she did respond to my texts in a very short replies."

Want to hear every detail? I am an open book. But you will be here all day

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I know her about a year. Supprised we kept in touch to be honest for almost that long.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Restless never mentioned how long this...whatever it was...was going on.

That said, I think this kind of says it all. "Anyway we hung out from time and she didn't seem to make an effort. But she did respond to my texts in a very short replies."

Want to hear every detail? I am an open book. But you will be here all day

We couldn't get every detail. Even if you actually showed us all of it, we still wouldn't get her side and her thoughts on it.

 

[Restless soul]

Yes, of course. You can speculate forever.
I have a lot of the answers in my mind.
But, the idea behind the thread was the not so much do and dont's. Just want to hear what others have done.

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To hear from some more experienced folks.

 

[Restless soul]

I really could have simplified this thread and made it a lot less confusing by throwing out a few questions

 

[TheRealCallie]

Yet you were given advice from several people based on experience and you just bitched about it all..

 

[Restless soul]

Yet you were given advice from several people based on experience and you just bitched about it all..

I bitched?

 

[VanillaCreme]

Yes, of course. You can speculate forever.
I have a lot of the answers in my mind.
But, the idea behind the thread was the not so much do and dont's. Just want to hear what others have done.

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To hear from some more experienced folks.

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Of course, I'd want to hear some thoughts on it myself if I should ever find myself in the same situation.

I really could have simplified this thread and made it a lot less confusing by throwing out a few questions

What questions? Most we can do is just discuss it and let you know what we'd do. Perhaps throw out a "what-if" or two. I really hope you find solace in whatever you choose to do.

 

[Restless soul]

Yes, of course. You can speculate forever.
I have a lot of the answers in my mind.
But, the idea behind the thread was the not so much do and dont's. Just want to hear what others have done.

---

To hear from some more experienced folks.

---

Of course, I'd want to hear some thoughts on it myself if I should ever find myself in the same situation.

I really could have simplified this thread and made it a lot less confusing by throwing out a few questions

What questions? Most we can do is just discuss it and let you know what we'd do. Perhaps throw out a "what-if" or two. I really hope you find solace in whatever you choose to do.

---

Thank you vanilla. Appreciate it. By questions I would ask it like this.

Has anyone here had someone they thought were friends and then they started to feel they maybe being ignored and you were a bit annoyed and angry, maybe bitter and After a period of time did you ever contact them and let them know how you felt? Ask them what was up? And did you come off when you contacted them? Or did you do nothing? And stew... questions like that.

 

[kamya]

For me it has happened in the past. I used to get mad and bitter and would contact after some time. It never really accomplished anything or gave any closure. Nowadays I don't really do that unless I have something important or positive to say. I don't stew either. I just don't really care anymore when people do that. It says more about them than anything imo. IMO the anger and negative feelings are justified but people are free to be shitty if they want to. Calling it out never goes in your favor.

 

[Restless soul]

Very very true. Yes. I like how you put it kamya